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Part 4: The Axiom of Equality: Chapter 3
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in A Little Life, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Trauma
Identity
Success and Happiness
Friendship and Human Connection
Pain and Suffering
Summary
Analysis
Willem is 38 the first time he realizes he’s famous. At first, it’s not too strange for Willem—he’s always been rather “famous,” or at least known, in his expansive social circle. When Willem was 37, he took a part in a film called The Sycamore Court, in which he played a small-town lawyer who comes out of the closet. To prepare, he had Jude explain everything he did all day as a lawyer. And hearing this made Willem a little sad that someone as brilliant and imaginative as Jude was doing such dull, uninspired work. Willem always thought that Jude would become a math professor or a voice teacher, or even a psychologist.
Willem, unlike JB, for instance, seems to understand that success in one’s career doesn’t necessarily mean a person will live a happy life. At the same time, though, his regret about Jude’s law career falls into the trap of imagining that Jude might be happier if he’d chosen a different career path. Of course, Jude’s dull, uninspired work is the least of Jude’s problems.
Themes
The Sycamore Court was a huge hit, and it earns Willem outstanding reviews. It’s the first time in Willem’s career that he’s not afraid about finding a next project to film. In September that year, Willem returns from a shoot and has only one day in New York before he has to leave for a publicity tour in Europe. He grabs lunch with Jude at a French restaurant in midtown. The place is filled with highly wealthy people in fine suits. As Willem and Jude sit down to eat, Willem senses that people are staring at him, and he worries that he’s not dressed properly. But Jude smiles at Willem and explains that it’s not what Willem is wearing. It’s who he is: everyone there sees him as a celebrity.
Not only does this scene reaffirm Willem’s humility, but his failure to grasp his fame also shows how he separates his work from the rest of his life. Willem, like his friends, wants to be successful and find his work meaningful. But, perhaps more than the others, Willem seems to realize that fame, success, and other superficial markers of fulfillment don’t mean all that much in the grand scheme of things. Willem, more than many most other characters, recognizes that a person’s relationships with others are what’s most important in life.
Themes
It’s an odd realization for Willem. He’s attractive and used to people looking at him. But in these situations, they always wanted something from, whether it be sex or career advancement. But he’s not used to people looking at him when they have other (or better) things to do. He also learns that if he walks into a place expecting people to recognize him, they often do. But if he walks in discretely, not wanting to be recognized, people don’t notice him as much.
Willem’s discomfort with fame is a bit similar to Jude’s discomfort with intimacy. They both always operate under the assumption that people want or expect something from them—that their attention and commitment is exclusively conditional.
Themes
Willem recalls how he’s stayed at Greene Street ever since Jude was released from the hospital following his suicide attempt. In time, he realized that he’d brought more and more of his person items there, including his books, his laptop, and then his favorite woolen blanket. He’d started to hang art on Jude’s walls. In the weeks following Jude’s suicide attempt, Willem entered Jude’s room at all hours to make sure that he’s alive.
Willem’s commitment to his friendships further comes through in his constant, careful monitoring of Jude. Unlike JB, who exploits Jude and threatens Jude’s mental wellness for the sake of his career, Willem actively refuses to let fame go to his head and spends all his spare time tending to Jude. As has been the case for the entire novel, Willem and Jude have the strongest relationship among all their friends, and it remains to be seen if this special relationship might develop into a romance of sorts.
Themes
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Since Jude has opened up to Willem, Willem has learned more about Jude than he’s learned in the decades they’ve known each other. Every story Jude tells him is awful, and Willem never knows how to respond. After Jude tells Willem about the scar on the back of his hand, Willem can’t stop staring at it, and Jude feels self-conscious. He warns Willem that he’s not going to tell him more stories if Willem keeps reacting like this. So now, Willem tries especially hard to be composed—to act like it’s totally normal that Jude was made to eat his own vomit as a child, or that he was whipped with a belt soaked in vinegar.
As Willem learns more about Jude, the reader does, too, as with these new examples of the atrocities Jude suffered as a child. If Jude is sharing more of himself with Willem than he has in the combined decades they’ve known each other, it seems like a good sign: might it be that Jude is finally on the mend, that he might finally be working through the horrors of his past?
Themes
But so much of Jude’s past remains a mystery to Willem. For instance, he still doesn’t know who Brother Luke is, and Jude has only told him a handful of stories about his life at the monastery. Willem knows that Jude is starting with the easier stories first, and he knows he has to be patient with him. Jude started sharing the stories as part of a deal he made after he refused to see Dr. Loehmann. Andy doesn’t like the compromise—Willem isn’t a professional—but it’s all Jude will give them.
Brother Luke is at the center of Jude’s unresolved trauma. Most of the difficulties Jude faces today—his trust issues, his struggles with intimacy and sex, and his overwhelming sense of shame and worthlessness—can be traced back to Brother Luke, whose abuse seems to have been most destructive to Jude’s long-term mental health. It seems, then, that if Jude can somehow bring himself to tell Willem about Luke, then maybe this will be what directs Jude down a path of healing and recovery.
Themes
It’s now October—13 months since the suicide attempt. Willem spends his nights at the theater. After the show ends in December, he’ll begin shooting an adaptation of Uncle Vanya, which is being produced in the Hudson Valley—which means he can make it home every night. He chose this project on purpose. Last fall, he dropped a film that was set to be filmed in Russia to be with Jude. His agent, Kit, was confused: giving up roles to care for someone would make sense if that someone was a spouse or child, but Willem and Jude are just friends. Kit’s observation irks Willem. But it also gets him thinking—could he love someone as much as he loves Jude?
This passage further hints at a budding romance (or perhaps a romance that his been there all along) between Jude and Willem. This illustrates another dimension of Willem’s dedication to friendship: he doesn’t believe that friends should matter any less than romantic partners, despite Kit’s (and, more broadly, Western society’s) opinion to the contrary. As he sees it, people should do everything they can to help the people they love and care about, and it shouldn’t make a difference if someone is one’s friend or one’s lover.
Themes
With Jude, Willem feels more himself than with anyone else. And he craves this, since good acting requires a person to lose touch with themselves. Willem also loves being a part of Harold and Julia’s life, and he knows that “they love[] him because he love[s] Jude.”
This passage further shows that Willem prioritizes his relationships over his career—and finds the former to be more fulfilling. His relationships with others, specifically with Jude, puts him more in touch with himself, whereas his acting does the opposite.
Themes
Lately, Willem has begun to see Jude as more than a friend. One night, he felt a strong urge to kiss Jude. He’s had similar feelings since then, too. These feelings worry him. He doesn’t care that Jude is a man—Willem has had sex men before. The problem is that Jude is serious about everything, and so it only makes sense that he would be just as serious about sex. And Jude’s sexuality is a mystery. He’s never had a romantic partner, and nobody has ever even seen him flirt.
Willem recognizes how much trouble Jude has opening up to others, and so he knows that he can’t casually pursue Jude: he has to be all in. Also note that though Willem knows Jude better than any other of Jude’s friends, he still doesn’t recognize the severity of Jude’s trauma. Willem believes that Jude’s sexuality is highly secret, but he assumes it's altogether healthy. He can’t comprehend the degree to which Jude’s unresolved trauma effects nearly every aspect of his life.
Themes
Willem starts work on Uncle Vanya and loves it: he knows and respects everyone he works with. It’s filmed in an old mansion on the Hudson. It’s the kind of place Philippa had once imagined they’d grow old in. Willem enjoys the play but finds that it’s not so relevant to his life. Though he plays Dr. Astrov at work, when he returns home, he’s Sonya—a character he’s always “pitied” but never felt he’d embody himself.
Uncle Vanya is a famous play by Anton Chekhov. In the play, Sonya, the young but plain daughter of an old professor, suffers from feelings of unrequited love for Astrov, a country doctor. Willem thus suggests that he’s suffering from feelings of unrequited love for Jude—a rare feeling for Willem, whose good looks and personality have never left him without ample attention.
Themes
Uncle Vanya wraps at the end of March. One night, during the last week of filming, Willem is walking home when he spots Andy reading in a café. Andy is pleasantly surprised to see Willem, and so Willem sits down, and they catch up. Soon, Willem confesses his feelings for Jude to Andy. Andy says that Willem’s feelings make complete sense. And he thinks that the relationship would be “restorative” for Jude. But he cautions Willem not to start anything with Jude unless he’s ready for serious commitment: it's going to take a lot of time and effort for Jude to trust Willem, and it’s going to be hard for Jude to be intimate with him.
Andy, as Jude’s doctor, knows more about Jude’s condition than Willem does; he knows about Jude’s STDs and, by inference, the sexual abuse that caused them. This is what Andy is warning Willem about here, albeit carefully, so as not to breach his and Jude’s doctor-patient confidentiality agreement. In this scene, Andy’s dual roles in Jude’s life become clear. He is Jude’s doctor, and so cannot disclose all he knows (or suspects) about Jude. On the other hand, he cautions Willem as much as he can, wanting, as Jude’s friend, to protect Jude from suffering more shame and disappointment.
Themes
Time passes. In April, Jude returns from his business trip to Mumbai, and he and Willem celebrate Jude’s 43rd birthday. Willem begins a new project and reconnects with an old graduate school friend, and they sleep together a handful of times. But he returns to Greene Street each night and keeps thinking about his feelings for Jude. Then, Willem wakes early one morning in late May and realizes that his hesitancy is ridiculous. “He was home, and home was Jude.” Willem resolves to talk to Jude that night.
In a symbolic gesture that shows how clearly Jude and Willem are meant to be together, Willem declares his love for Jude as akin to coming home: “He was home, and home was Jude.” Homes symbolize security and safety for Jude, so Willem saying this is highly significant. It suggests that he and Jude will find happiness and security with each other—or, at least, that this is what Willem wants them to have.
Themes
The narrative switches to Jude’s perspective. Jude wakes and swims two miles every morning. Then he makes breakfast and reads the paper. This morning, though, he comes across a disturbing headline in the obituaries section of The New York Times: Caleb Porter, 52, Fashion Executive. He died of pancreatic cancer. Jude vomits his breakfast. He wants his razors but lately has been trying not cut himself during the day.
With no transition, the narrative jumps from Willem, just before he declares his love for Jude, to Jude learning of Caleb’s death. The narrative explicitly leaves the reader hanging, then, regarding whether Willem told Jude about his love, and whether Jude returned Willem’s feelings. It remains to be seen how this unsettling news will affect Jude—will hearing Caleb’s name, even under such circumstances, resurface painful memories? Jude’s sudden desire to harm himself suggests that this is the case.
Themes
These days, Jude’s morning routine has a new step: he enters the bedroom and crawls in bed beside Willem for five minutes before he “kiss[es] Willem somewhere near, but not on, his mouth” and then leaves for work. But he doesn’t do this today—he can’t. He writes Willem a note instead, and then he tries to drive to work—but then he breaks down and cries and reads Caleb’s obituary another time. He reads that Caleb had a partner, and he wonders if Caleb beat his partner like he beat Jude. Jude is about to start the car when Harold calls him. He’s read the paper, too, and he’s glad that Caleb’s death was painful.
This passage makes it clear that Jude has indeed accepted Willem’s feelings for him—and seemingly returns them himself. (It’s not clear how far back this happened, though, since the narrative jumps forward an unspecified amount of time.) And yet, as is so often the case with Jude, nothing good can happen to him without something bad and painful happening, too. Here, he learns of Caleb’s death, and it deeply unsettles him. Whereas Harold feels that Caleb deserved to die a young and painful death, Jude’s shocked reaction suggests that his feelings about the news are more complex. Harold sees the world as essentially fair: a bad person was punished. Jude, who has seen no shortage of punishment and pain throughout his life, isn’t so sure that this is how things work.
Themes
Jude arrives at work and is grateful that he has a lot to do. Andy texts him and, like Harold, expresses gratitude that Caleb suffered before he died. Later, Jude gets a text from Willem to say that he’ll be held up late at a meeting with a director and won’t be home until 11:00. Jude is relieved. He leaves the office early. When he arrives home, he goes straight to the bathroom and cuts himself more than he has in months.
Andy, like Harold, conceives of the world as essentially fair: it’s a place where bad people deserve punishment, and good people deserve reward. But, again, Jude’s failure to join in his friends’ morbid celebration—combined with his self-harm—suggests that he has more complicated, nuanced thoughts about Caleb’s death.
Themes
The narrative flashes back to the night Willem told him about his feelings for him. Jude can hardly believe Willem at first—he thinks he’s joking. Jude has always pictured Willem with someone beautiful and smart and female, and Jude is none of those things.
Jude’s response to Willem’s admission here is the same as it was when Willem told him a friend of Robin’s was interested in him—one of disbelief. Jude’s self-image is so warped by unresolved trauma that he cannot fathom why anybody would deem him worthy or desirable.
Themes
Jude tells Willem he needs to really think things through. After Caleb, Jude swore he’d never put himself through this again. On the other hand, Willem has never done anything to hurt or betray or humiliate him. Jude agrees to give it a try. And when he approaches Willem in the kitchen and tells him, Willem runs to him and kisses him. Jude instantly sees Brother Luke’s and Caleb’s faces in his head, and he apologizes to Willem for not being better. But Willem isn’t angry, and Jude tries to relax.
Jude swore off love after Caleb because, ever since Brother Luke (and as affirmed by Caleb), he’s known that the only people he’s capable of attracting are cruel people who aim to hurt and betray him. It’s a big step for Jude, then, when he agrees to give things a chance with Willem. Yet, the traumatic flashbacks to Luke and Caleb that Jude experiences just from kissing Willem suggests that it won’t be an easy path ahead for the two of them.
Themes
Jude is constantly afraid that he’ll disappoint Willem, even about small things, like his aversion to coffee—he can’t stand tasting it on Willem’s mouth, because it reminds him of Brother Luke. Willem understands and promises not to drink it anymore, even though Jude doesn’t explain why it’s a problem. Jude also tells Willem that it’s going to take a while for him to feel comfortable enough to have sex. Willem promises Jude that he will wait for him.
Already, it’s clear that Jude’s unresolved trauma will drastically affect his ability to have a healthy, functional relationship with Willem. Jude’s aversion even to coffee, which reminds him of Brother Luke, demonstrates how viscerally present his nightmarish, abusive past remains. It remains to be seen if Willem’s compassion and kindness will be enough to help Jude work through these issues—or if it ultimately turns out, love simply isn’t enough.
Themes
Jude has learned that he likes when Willem presses himself against Jude in bed and swaddles him, wrapping his arms around Jude’s torso, and his legs around Jude’s legs. He likes the feeling of his touch. But it’s been months now, they still haven’t had sex, and Jude worries that Willem is getting impatient. It took him three months to even take his clothes off in front of Willem. And one night, when Willem reaches his arm underneath Jude’s shirt without warning, Jude recoils so fiercely that he flings Willem off the bed. Jude apologizes profusely, but inside he’s so scared that if Willem sees him naked, he’ll think he's disgusting, just as Caleb had.
Jude’s anxieties stem from his misguided belief that he has to earn people’s respect, love, and compassion. His abuse at the hands of Caleb, Brother Luke, the other monks, and whoever else has abused Jude taught Jude that love was conditional and could be taken away at a moment’s notice. But Willem, unlike these others, shows Jude that he deserves patience, kindness, and to have his boundaries respected. Will a kind person in his life be enough to put Jude on a path toward recovery? Will Willem be able to get through to Jude in the way Ana did so many years before?
Themes
The next night, Jude quickly removes his clothing and crawls into bed, flinging the blanket over his body. When Willem gently places a palm on Jude’s back, Jude sobs; he feels so exposed. Jude tries to go to the bathroom to cut himself, but Willem holds him down.
Jude is trying to open up, but the problem is that he’s not doing it for himself, to confront his unresolved trauma—he’s doing it to please Willem. In so doing, he only feeds one of the self-destructive behaviors that his history of abuse has conditioned him to do.
Themes
The next morning, Jude walks out to the kitchen and finds Willem sitting there, looking tired. Willem sees him and apologizes; he didn’t know that touching Jude’s bare back would be so traumatic. That morning, they lie in bed together, and Jude tells Willem about how he got various scars—how he’d been beaten when he ran away from the home once, and then the wounds on his back had gotten infected. When Willem asks when the last time anyone saw Jude naked was, Jude lies and says that Andy is the only person who’s seen him naked since he was 15.
Increasingly, Jude seems willing to confide in Willem about details of his past he’s kept hidden for decades. Though Jude seems to be doing this to appease Willem rather than to help himself, it’s at least a step toward recovery and might foreshadow additional milestones ahead.
Themes
Every night, Jude tries to take off his clothes. Sometimes he succeeds, and other times, he fails. He’s amazed at how casually Willem can be naked. He still can’t believe that Willem would actually want to be with him. One night, he dreams that Harold is paying Willem to be with him.
Just as Jude’s scars—and the way he hides them—symbolize Jude’s unresolved, suppressed trauma, Willem’s nakedness symbolizes Willem’s mental wellness and openness to being vulnerable and honest around others. Jude wishes he could be as comfortable being naked as Willem, but more than this, he wishes he could be as forthcoming and comfortable with others as Willem. Finally, Jude’s nightmare about Harold reflects Jude’s lingering doubts about the relationship: it seems like Willem loves him, but Jude’s trust issues make him doubt the sincerity of Willem’s love.
Themes
The night that Jude finds out about Caleb’s death, Willem comes home late. He and Jude talk about Willem’s meeting with the director and the new film he’s shooting (Duets), which is about a closeted gay man and closeted gay woman, both music teachers in a small town, who spend decades married to each other before coming out. Then they begin to kiss (Jude still has to keep his eyes open, or else he pictures Brother Luke or Caleb). Jude finally tells Willem about Caleb. Willem is shocked to hear that Jude was in a relationship. After some prodding, Jude finally comes clean to Willem about Caleb. He confesses to lying about the injuries he supposedly got in a car accident all those years ago.
On the one hand, it’s a huge step for Jude to confide in Willem about his relationship with Caleb, given how much shame, humiliation, and sadness Jude associates with that period of his life. On the other hand, though, Willem seems taken aback at Jude’s admission—he hadn’t even known that Jude was seeing anybody then. So, this passage suggests that Jude’s pathological secrecy may become (if it isn’t already) a major source of tension in their relationship. Jude simply isn’t able to return Willem the honesty that Willem gives Jude, and this could complicate things.
Themes
Willem runs from the room after Jude tells him about everything Caleb did to him. Jude waits in the bedroom. When Willem enters, Jude can tell he’s been crying. Willem composes himself and then tells Jude that he needs for Jude to share things like this. Then he leaves to make drinks for them both.
Willem is clearly upset by Jude’s admission—though whether he’s upset to learn that somebody hurt Jude, that Jude lied, or some combination of the two (i.e., that Jude’s lies prevented Willem from being there for Jude in his hour of need) remains unclear. What is clear, though, is that Jude’s secrecy is driving a wedge between Jude and Willem.
Themes
After Caleb beat Jude, Jude never heard from Caleb again, but he looked Caleb up on the Internet every so often. He’d see photos of Caleb smiling at work events and art shows and markets. He wonders if Caleb also kept tabs on him. Thinking about this now, Jude wonders why he can never leave the past in the past—why can’t he move on and just enjoy the present? Willem returns with two glasses of whiskey. Jude sips from the glass. The drink warms him. Jude kisses Willem. It’s the first time he’s initiated a kiss, and he keeps his eyes closed this time, too. He hopes the kiss will tell Willem everything he can’t say aloud.
Jude’s meditations on leaving Caleb in the past may as well extend to Jude’s broader history of abuse. It’s framed as a step forward that Jude is thinking about how his past is making his present miserable, but he still tends to blame himself, as if he’s irrationally choosing to hang on to his trauma. Jude’s kiss to Willem, the first kiss he’s initiated, is a major development in their relationship and, in a broader sense, Jude’s ability to be intimate. It’s effectively a peace offering Jude extends to Willem: an action that tells Willem he’s trying to be more forthcoming, even if it doesn’t happen all at once.
Themes
Usually, when Kit is in town, he and Willem go out to eat. So Willem knows that Kit will be wary when Willem invites him to have lunch at Greene Street, but he does it anyway. Willem doesn’t think that his relationship with Jude is bad, but he knows that Kit might not see it that way. Still, they’ve told only a handful of people about their relationship. Everyone is incredibly supportive, though JB takes things a little harder and feels as “betrayed” and “neglected” as they suspected he would feel—Jude remarks to Willem that JB has always been in love with Willem.
Once more, Willem demonstrates that he prioritizes his relationships over his ambition. The novel never states the year(s) in which it is set, but Willem seems to anticipate that Kit will disapprove of Willem publicly seeing a man, thinking it will hurt his chances of winning leading (heterosexual) roles. JB’s unhappy response to news of Willem and Jude’s relationship shouldn’t be a surprise to the reader at this point—his feeling “betrayed” is comical, but it also underscores the underlying selfishness that defines his personality.
Themes
At Jude’s suggestion, after the initial reveal, Willem invites JB over to Greene Street so they can discuss the relationship. JB stays for dinner, and over the course of the meal, he gradually comes around. He asks Willem if Willem plans to go public about it (Jude thinks Willem shouldn’t, but Willem wants to). When JB asks how the sex is, Willem lies and says it’s great, though he and Jude have yet to have sex.
Willem could be lying about his and Jude’s sex life simply to avoid any ridicule that JB might respond with if he were to discover that Willem and Jude haven’t had sex yet. On the other hand, though, it’s also possible that Willem himself is ashamed and disappointed at his and Jude’s sexless relationship—either because he misses sex, or because he thinks it’s his fault that Jude has yet to feel comfortable enough to be intimate with him.
Themes
After JB leaves, Willem examines Jude, who is sleeping. He looks at the “miserable terrain” of Jude’s scarred body. Some nights, when Jude is deeply asleep, Willem turns on the lights and examines Jude’s body more closely. He’s amazed at the body’s capacity to heal itself. Jude’s body reminds him of the lava fields he once saw while shooting a film in Hawaii.
Willem looks at Jude’s body’s physical ability to heal and, perhaps, thinks that Jude’s mind is capable of this same degree of healing. But is this a reasonable comparison for Willem to make? Or has the trauma Jude experienced inflicted wounds that are too deep to heal?
Themes
The sex remains an issue. Willem remembers how once, after they’d been together for six months, he placed his hands down Jude’s underwear, and Jude made a noise that sounded like a suffering, dying animal. This moment, Willem realizes, was the first time he was afraid. He’d always thought that Jude would, with time, overcome his aversion to sex, or that Willem could heal Jude if he was gentle and patient enough. And Willem’s desire for Jude grows more intense every week. But what if things never change?
Willem seems to realize that Jude isn’t recoiling to his touch, specifically, but to the sensation of touch itself. At the same time, though, it seems hard for Willem not to take Jude’s aversion to intimacy personally. Willem wants to believe that his love and patience should be enough to heal Jude, but this is turning out to be untrue, and it’s driving a wedge between the two of them.
Themes
Kit arrives for lunch the next day. Willem gets right to the point and tells him about Jude. Kit groans; this is what he’d thought Willem was going to tell him. He processes things for a minute. Kit tells Willem he’s happy for him, though he cautions him that being openly gay will mean that Willem will be typecast from now on. Willem says he doesn’t consider himself gay, though. Regardless, his career doesn’t matter to him: Jude does. Jude also isn’t supportive of Willem going public with their relationship. They’ve fought over it often: Jude fears that Willem will grow to resent him if his career suffers because of their relationship.
Kit, as Willem expected, isn’t happy about Willem’s news—or Willem’s intention to go public with his relationship with Jude, and what this will do to Willem’s career. Also note that though Willem claims that his decision to go public is about him loving Jude more than his career, he fails to consider how the public relationship will affect Jude. He assumes that Jude’s reservations have to do with how the publicity will affect Willem’s career—not Jude’s own.
Themes
Kit keeps the story under wraps for a couple weeks, but eventually a magazine story breaks the news. It happens while Willem and Jude are vacationing in Hong Kong. Jude is mentioned by name, as well as his profession and high-ranking position at Rosen Pritchard and Klein. For the first time, Willem realizes that Jude may have wanted to keep their relationship public for his own reasons, as well. Willem feels awful. He knows he should comfort Jude, but he can’t. He goes for a run instead.
Willem seems so determined to show Jude how worthy and loveable he is that he’s lost sight of Jude himself, failing to account for Jude’s opinion on how visible their relationship is. Willem thinks he’s acting in Jude’s best interest—but he’s only doing what he thinks is best for Jude, not what Jude has determined is best for Jude. This is a small-scale version of the way well-intentioned friends treat Jude in general: they’re so driven to “fix” or heal him that they fail to consider what Jude wants (or doesn’t want) out of life.
Themes
Willem runs through the city and agonizes over his thoughtlessness. How had he not considered Jude’s feelings about going public? This makes him think about their relationship more broadly. What if the things that Willem has enjoyed aren’t enjoyable for Jude, too? The other day, for example, they took a shower together for the first time. Jude was silent afterward, and his eyes looked dead. Willem remembers Andy’s cautionary remark when Jude told him he would be telling stories about his past to Willem in lieu of going to therapy: “Willem’s not a health-care professional […] He’s an actor.”
There are a number or reasons Jude might not have enjoyed the shower—for instance, earlier in the novel, it’s revealed that Caleb once sexually assaulted Jude in the shower. As Willem considers Andy’s cautionary remark, it seems that he’s finally acknowledging that his relationship with Jude is a bigger challenge than he initially thought it would be. Though Jude has begun to open up to Willem about his past, simply talking isn’t enough. For someone who’s been through as much as Jude has, professional help may be needed—in other words, love, on its own, won’t fix everything.
Themes
When Willem returns to their hotel room, Jude hugs him and tells him it’s going to be okay. Jude seems confident, and this comforts Willem more than Jude’s words themselves. Jude’s confidence reminds Willem that their relationship isn’t so one-sided: for as often as Willem has saved Jude, Jude has been there for Willem to listen about his anxieties and frustrations with his career.
Willem is right: his and Jude’s relationship isn’t completely one-sided. Still, though, Jude’s unresolved trauma, combined with Willem’s unrealistic expectation that he can “fix” Jude on his own, puts immense and unhealthy pressure on both of them. It seems plausible that this pressure will only continue to build unless something drastic changes.
Themes
Jude interrupts Willem’s reverie to announce that he’s ordered breakfast. Willem thanks him. Then he asks if they can sing together—they’ve been practicing every morning for the past two months to help Willem prepare for his role in Duets. Willem struggles with keeping the right pitch, but Jude is a patient teacher. This morning, Willem finally feels like he’ll hit the right note, and he does. He also realizes that his voice sounds better with Jude’s than it does on its own.
Willem, sitting beside Jude at the piano and admiring the way that Jude’s voice supports his own, seems convinced more than ever of their relationship’s underlying foundation of equality. He seems not to regard caring for Jude as an undue, extra burden. As Willem sees it, his willingness to care for Jude is no more admirable than Jude’s willingness to help Willem with his singing. Whether this is a reasonable or rational assessment remains to be seen; Jude’s condition is severe and, perhaps, not something he’ll ever overcome—and it’s quite possible that Willem is more in over his head than he realizes.
Themes
