Beautiful Boy

by

David Sheff

Beautiful Boy: Chapter 20 Summary & Analysis

Summary
Analysis
David’s article “My Addicted Son” appears in The New York Times Magazine in February. The feedback on the article is encouraging, and Nic and David both embark on writing books about their experience. Later in February, Nic takes a few days off work to join David and the kids for a ski trip. Nic seems enthusiastically committed to his sobriety. He is writing short stories and movie reviews for a magazine. He tells David that he loves his life.
The encouraging feedback that David and Nic both receive on David’s article illustrates how hearing about people with similar stories can be extremely supportive to those who are suffering from the same issues. This is what prompts them to write their books (Beautiful Boy and Tweak), so that other people can feel understood.
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On June 2nd, David feels as though his head is exploding—literally. Karen calls 911, and David is taken to a hospital. He is wheeled into an emergency room, half-conscious; his condition worsens. He hears the phrase “cerebral hemorrhage.” David can’t speak; he is operated on, and a hole is drilled into his skull to alleviate the pressure. He is then transported to the neuro ICU at the University of California in San Francisco. He is confused and unable to lie still, with tubes all over his body.
David’s hemorrhage indicates the severity of the stress in his life. Because he has felt his life to be completely out of control, and because his anxiety about Nic has escalated so much, his life is literally threatened. This shows not only the toll that Nic’s addiction has on David, but also the toll that David’s obsession with his son’s addiction has on himself.
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David is anxious, and his thoughts are only of Nic. He panics that he cannot remember Nic’s phone number. When he wakes, a nurse explains that he is bleeding inside his brain, which is usually caused by an aneurism. David asks the nurse to help him call his son. She assures him that Karen will be there in the morning with the number. David wishes that he could hear Nic’s voice to ease his worries.
David’s desperate attempts to call his son, even when he can’t remember his own name or Nic’s phone number, represent a need to maintain control over his life even in the direst of circumstances. The phone again symbolizes this lack of control.
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David remembers wishing that he could expunge Nic from his brain, so he wouldn’t have to be disappointed and hurt by him and wouldn’t have to blame himself or Nic. He remembers secretly wishing for a lobotomy, and the irony of his situation sinks in. He cannot recall his name or the year, but he still worries about Nic.
In this revelation, David recognizes how ingrained worrying about Nic has become in his brain—even more so than his name or the year. Looking back on this moment later, David understands that he must find a way to detach from his son to a degree in order to maintain his own health.
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Beautiful Boy PDF
David remains in the hospital for days, confused and in pain. On June 11, he can answer the doctor’s questions: his name is David Sheff. He begins to move again, walking shakily. Jasper and Daisy come to see him, and he reassures them that he will be fine. Nic also calls: he is fine, too. He has been speaking to Karen every day since David arrived at the hospital. Nic is coming up to visit, and David is relieved.
David’s own recovery from his brain hemorrhage reinforces the same idea as Nic’s recovery: he cannot do it alone. David is only able to get back on his feet and get his life back together with the help of his family—particularly Nic. This passage shows that David is still dependent on Nic’s wellbeing, something that he will later try to remedy.
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After two weeks in the hospital, David goes home. He sleeps most of the time, but he plays games with the kids. David works to read a sentence in a magazine, then graduates to a capsule review in The New Yorker. Soon, Nic arrives. David is comforted that he has come. Nic says he was worried that David was going to die. David replies, “that’s a switch.”
David’s relief at Nic’s arrival at the house is, as he notes, an ironic reversal. Yet it also reinforces how much they need each other, and how valuable their mutual support is when each of them is going through a hard time.
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Each day, David feels a little better and can walk for longer periods of time. But he also hopes that things don’t go exactly back to normal: he does not want to continue to worry endlessly about Nic. He is struck that a brain hemorrhage could not remove his worry.
David’s revelation serves as a turning point in his need for control: he recognizes how literally debilitating his worry over Nic was, and he resolves not to try to be anxious over an uncontrollable situation.
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David gets out more and more, and Nic reaches the milestone of being sober for a year and a half. David now has a hole in his head, but doctors tell him it will grow together. He recalls Dr. London’s scans of the brain on meth, and he wonders if Nic’s scans would now match the scans of those with normal brains.
David and Nic’s conditions continue to parallel each other, as each one resolves to return their brains to normal. Their twin recoveries highlight the need to always maintain hope that they can continue to improve their health and reduce their self-destructive tendencies.
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