Marriage, Parenthood, and Work Theme Analysis

A key aspect of Becoming is Michelle Obama’s discussion of how her life has been shaped by dueling priorities—that of being a wife, a mother, and someone who wants to be fulfilled professionally. She recounts the ways in which she juggles these commitments, but at the same time, she emphasizes that there is no one right way to do so. Ultimately, Michelle demonstrates that no matter what, anyone juggling these priorities will be forced to make many compromises. Michelle acknowledges that she is unable to assume all of these responsibilities without making some sacrifices, but she can learn to prioritize the things that are most important to her personally—and she suggests that readers can learn to do the same for themselves.

Michelle first confronts the battle of priorities when she marries Barack. She understands that marriage is built on love, but it is maintained through compromise and understanding of each other’s needs. Michelle and Barack have largely united outlooks and opinions, but there are aspects of their characters that appear to be in opposition. For example, Barack doesn’t mind a mess and feels “no compunction to fold his clothes,” while Michelle prefers order over chaos. These differing attitudes towards life, however trivial, require them to be understanding of one another’s values. Their marriage also brings up other basic values that require compromise. When Michelle lives in Chicago and Barack is attending Harvard Law School, Michelle demands that they speak on the phone often in order to keep their connection to each other. Though Barack admits that he’s “not much of a phone guy,” Michelle is adamant about making sure that they are able to hear each other’s voices. Just after their wedding and honeymoon, Barack has a deadline to finish a book to help pay off some of his debt. Realizing he needs time and space to accomplish this, his mother rents a cabin for him for six months in Indonesia so that he can get it done. Michelle has a hard time losing Barack for this amount of time just after their wedding, but this event quickly makes her aware that they will both have to make sacrifices in their marriage for the sake of their jobs. When Michelle and Barack start to have difficulties because Barack is constantly away as an Illinois State Senator in Springfield, he agrees to couple’s counseling despite the fact that he is reluctant at first, knowing that compromise is important in making their marriage work.

After their older daughter Malia is born, Michelle and Barack learn how parenting also requires compromises—compromises that aren’t always fulfilling. At the time, Michelle is working at the University of Chicago as an associate dean. She whittles down her job to be part-time, thinking that she’ll be getting the best of both worlds. But, she writes, “to me, it felt like a sanity-warping double bind. I battled guilt when I had to take work calls at home. I battled a different sort of guilt when I sat at my office distracted by the idea that Malia might be allergic to peanuts. Part-time work was meant to give me more freedom, but mostly it left me feeling as if I were only half doing everything.” Beyond just making compromises, Michelle finds that she also has to learn how to make those compromises feel meaningful and effective. Barack also experiences this when they take a trip to Hawaii and Malia gets sick, forcing Barack to miss voting on an important crime bill. He chooses taking care of his daughter over an important vote, which later has serious political costs. But he understands that there are times when his child must take precedence, and he knows that sacrifices have to be made in his career in order to do that. After the Obamas’ younger daughter Sasha’s birth, Michelle makes it clear to potential employers that she will be juggling priorities. She interviews for a job as the executive director of the hospital at the University of Chicago and brings Sasha along, showing her interviewer very clearly that she has responsibilities as a parent and requires compromise from her job as well. But at the same time, Michelle points out that when Barack is finishing up at the White House, their daughters are just about to graduate from high school—he has sacrificed a great deal of family time during his daughters’ most formative years in order to run the country. In many ways, Barack makes the opposite choice from Michelle. While Michelle rededicates herself to taking care of their daughters while in the White House, Barack (by necessity) focuses more on work. But Michelle doesn’t make any kind of judgement about her family’s priorities. Instead, she argues that everyone has different priorities and means for being fulfilled, and that everyone must make different sacrifices in order to find meaning and balance in their lives.

Certainly Michelle makes difficult choices about the kind of mother, worker, and spouse that she wants to be. But she makes clear throughout the book that there is no right way to make these choices, and that everyone has to evaluate their own priorities and desires in life. And in keeping with her optimism and her view on how people continue to grow, change, and “become,” she also emphasizes that these priorities can (and often must) evolve over time.