At the core of Erasure is Thelonious “Monk” Ellison’s struggle to reconcile his own sense of self with the identity that society projects onto him. Monk opens Erasure, which takes the form of his personal diary, with the provocative declaration that he does not “believe in race.” While he recognizes that his dark complexion, his curly hair, and the fact that some of his ancestors were enslaved makes him Black in a strictly technical sense, he insists that he does not fit the mold of Black American life as it appears according to common stereotypes. Monk was not, for instance, raised in the inner city or deep south, and he isn’t all that great at basketball. Meanwhile, he graduated summa cum laude from Harvard and enjoys listening to Mahler on vinyl. While Monk acknowledges that there are indeed bigots out there who wish to harm him due to the color of his skin, he maintains that this only means he is “black” by society’s standards—it has no bearing on how he conceives of himself. As the story unfolds, however, Monk increasingly finds himself in situations that call into question whether it’s possible to separate one’s own racial identity from race as a social construct. If social norms regarding race affect him in his daily life, doesn’t that influence his sense of self to some degree?
Indeed, as the story unfolds, the reader learns that outside forces have influenced Monk’s understanding of race more heavily than he would care to admit even to himself. Monk’s late father, a doctor, was the son of a high-achieving, respectable Black doctor, and he made sure that his children strove for that same, stereotype-defying standard of excellence. Although Monk’s father’s high standards resulted in his children all attaining a high level of success in their chosen fields, it also instilled in Monk a deep sense of internalized racism that Monk returns to throughout his adult life, causing him to make stereotypical assumptions about and harshly judge poor Black people in the same way that bigoted white people might judge Monk. The novel thus raises the question of whether race (and one’s understanding of race) can exist independent of society, or if social norms, culture, stereotypes, and one’s upbringing necessarily play a role in race and racial identity. Ultimately, Monk’s pervasive struggle to accept how deeply race has affected his life and his sense of self points to the latter.
Race and Identity ThemeTracker
Race and Identity Quotes in Erasure
The hard, gritty truth of the matter is that I hardly ever think about race. Those times when I did think about it a lot I did so because of my guilt for not thinking about it. I don’t believe in race. I believe there are people who will shoot me or hang me or cheat me and try to stop me because they do believe in race, because of my brown skin, curly hair, wide nose and slave ancestors. But that’s just the way it is.
“Have you gone to college?” I asked.
The girl laughed.
“Don’t laugh,” I said. “I think you’re really smart. You should at least try.”
“I didn’t even finish high school.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I scratched my head and looked at the other faces in the room. I felt an inch tall because I had expected this young woman with the blue fingernails to be a certain way, to be slow and stupid, but she was neither. I was the stupid one.
For my father, the road had to wind uphill both ways and be as difficult as possible. Sadly, this was the sensibility he instilled in me when I set myself to the task of writing fiction. It wasn’t until I brought him a story that was purposely confusing and obfuscating that he seemed at all impressed and pleased. He said, smiling, “You made me work, son.”
“The line is, you’re not black enough,” my agent said.
“What’s that mean, Yul? How do they even know I’m black? Why does it matter?”
“We’ve been over this before. They know because of the photo on your first book. They know because they’ve seen you. They know because you’re black, for crying out loud.”
“What, do I have to have my characters comb their afros and be called niggers for these people?”
“It wouldn’t hurt.”
I was stunned into silence.
Poor me! A man without a religion, without a decent lie to call my own. Giving up life for life, loving as I knew I should, and, perhaps most importantly, attempting to live up to the measure of my sister. Time seemed anything but mine, as if I were sleeping, walking and eating with a stopwatch!
I went to what had been my father’s study, and perhaps still was his study, but now it was where I worked. I sat and stared at Juanita Mae Jenkins’ face on Time magazine. [...] I remembered passages of Native Son and The Color Purple and Amos and Andy and my hands began to shake, the world opening around me, tree roots trembling on the ground outside, people in the street shouting dint, ax, fo, screet and fahvre! and I was screaming inside, complaining that I didn’t sound like that, that my mother didn’t sound like that, that my father didn’t sound like that and I imagined myself sitting on a park bench counting the knives in my switchblade collection and a man came up to me and he asked me what I was doing and my mouth opened and I couldn’t help what came out, ‘Why fo you be axin?”
I look at my hands and they all covered wif blood and I realize I don’t know what goin on. So, I stab Mama again. I stab her cause I scared. I stab Mama cause I love her. I stab Mama cause I hate her. Cause I love her. Cause I hate her. Cause I ain’t got no daddy. Then I walk out the kitchen and stand outside, leavin Mama crawlin round on the linolum tryin to hold in her guts. I stands out on the sidewalk just drippin blood like a muthafucka. I look up at the sky and I try to see Jesus, but I cain’t.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Fuck you,” Yellow say.
“You ain’t shit,” I say.
“Well, you is shit,” Yellow say.
“You live around here, Van?” Roger asked. “What is this? Compton?”
I don’t say nothin. I just glance at them in the mirror. They starin out the windows like we in Jungleland or some shit. Like we at Dissyland in that fuckin submarine. Niggers on the street be lookin at me drivin this fine car and I feels cool till I remember that I’m in the front by myself and them two bitches be in the back and I be lookin like some flunky-ass chaffeur.
I can feel the rage swell up inside me. I hates this man. I hates my mama. I hates myself. I’m seein my face in his. I see the ape that stupid girls say they be fraid of. [...] I see Mama bleedin in my dream. I see my babies. I see Rexall, wifout a brain, growin up and axing “Why not me?” I see my daddy. I see myself. I shoot the muthafucka. Pop! In the gut.
Willy double over and he look at me like to say, “Why?” I yell at him. I be standin over him yellin at the back of his head. “Cause you aint shit!” I say. “Cause you made me, muthafucka! Cause I aint shit!” I be cryin now and I think I hear sumpin out at the street. I run again.
I looks up and see the cameras. I get kicked again while I’m bein pulled to my feet. But I dont care. The cameras is pointin at me. I be on the TV. The cameras be full of me. I on TV. I say, “Hey, Mama.” I say, “Hey, Baby Girl. Look at me. I on TV.”
“I want you to meet him.” And suddenly Bill’s voice was different, but it was more than just the sound of a man in love. His pronunciation changed. It was not quite that he developed a stereotypical lisp, but it was close.
“Why are you talking like that?”
His voice went back to normal. “Like what?”
The news of the money came and I breathed an ironic and bitter sigh of relief. Maybe I felt a bit of vindication somewhere inside me. Certainly, I felt a great deal of hostility toward an industry so eager to seek out and sell such demeaning and soul-destroying drivel.
The letter was unsigned. That was all that was in the box. I had read a voice of my father’s that I had not heard directly in life, a tender voice, an open voice. I couldn’t imagine the man who had run off to New York to have an affair. I knew my mother had read the letters, but I didn’t know when. I knew she wanted me to read the letters. Knowledge of the affair gave me, oddly, more compassion for my father, more interest in him. Even when I considered my mother and her feelings I did not find myself angry with him, though I worried about her pain.
My mother’s maiden name was Parker and they lived on the Chesapeake Bay, south of where we summered. A couple of Parkers were farmers, others worked in plants of one sort or another. Mother’s brothers and sisters were considerably older and were all dead before I was an adult, leaving me with a herd of cousins that I never saw, never heard anything about, but kind of knew existed out there somewhere with names like Janelle and Tyrell. Mother had become an Ellison. As a child, I saw some Parkers only once, visiting a farm house near the bay. They frightened me. Big-seeming people with big smells and big laughs. Had I known more of life then, I would have liked them, found them thriving and interesting, but as it was, I found them only startlingly different.
I could never talk the talk, so I didn’t try and being myself has served me well enough. But when I was a teenager, I wanted badly to fit in. I watched my friends, who didn’t sound so different from me, step into scenes and change completely.
[…]
I’d try, but it never sounded comfortable, never sounded real. In fact, to my ear, it never sounded real coming from anyone, but I could tell that other people talked the talk much better than I ever could. I never knew when to slap five or high five, which handshake to use. Of course, no one cared about my awkwardness but me, I came to learn later, but at the time I was convinced that it was the defining feature of my personality. “You know, Thelonious Ellison, he’s the awkward one.” Talks like he’s stuck up? Sounds white? Can’t even play basketball.
Enemies always understand each other better than friends.
“Have you ever known anybody who talks like they do in that book?” I could hear the edge on my voice and though I didn’t want it there, I knew that once detected, it could never be erased.
Somewhere in Hollywood, Wiley Morgenstein smoked a cigar and contemplated the commercial value of My Pafology. He sat poolside with a big man from New Jersey with whom he attended two years of school at Passaic Junior College thirty years earlier.
Wiley smiled and relit his cigar. “They go to the movies now, these people. There’s an itch and I plan to scratch it.”
The fear of course is that in denying or refusing complicity in the marginalization of “black” writers, I ended up on the very distant and very “other” side of a line that is imaginary at best. [...] I never tried to set anybody free, never tried to paint the next real and true picture of the life of my people, never had any people whose picture I knew well enough to paint. […] But the irony was beautiful. I was a victim of racism by virtue of my failing to acknowledge racial difference and by failing to have my art be defined as an exercise in racial self-expression. So, I would not be economically oppressed because of writing a book that fell in line with the very books I deemed racist. And I would have to wear the mask of the person I was expected to be.
[...] There were books by John Grisham and Tom Clancy, a paperback of John MacDonald and things like that. Those books didn’t bother me. Though I had never read one completely through, I had peeked at pages, and although I did not find any depth of artistic expression or any abundance of irony or play with language or ideas, I found them well enough written, the way a technical manual can be well enough written. Oh, so that’s tab A. So, why did Juanita Mae Jenkins send me running for the toilet? I imagine it was because Tom Clancy was not trying to sell his book to me by suggesting that the crew of his high-tech submarine was a representation of his race (however fitting a metaphor). Nor was his publisher marketing it in that way. If you didn’t like Clancy’s white people, you could go out and read about some others.
“God, I just love that,” Kenya says, shaking her head. “Now, I know some of you at home are thinking that some of the language is kinda rough, but let me tell you, it doesn’t get any more real than this. With this kinda talent, chile, don’t you think we ought to forgive our guest’s intense bashfulness?”
Audience applause, approval, endorsement, blessing.
I chose one of the TV cameras and stared into it. I said, “Egads, I’m on television.”