Good Omens

by

Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Good Omens: Wednesday Summary & Analysis

Summary
Analysis
Warlock’s 11th birthday party in Central London is well-attended. In addition to the 47 young guests, there are Secret Service men and a crew of caterers led by a vintage Bentley. Aziraphale shows up as a magician—he learned sleight of hand in the 1870s and spent a year practicing. As he stands in front of the disdainful children and begins to perform, he wishes that he’d kept practicing. Warlock is unimpressed: he and a girl rudely insult Aziraphale, convincing Aziraphale that Warlock is “infernally tainted.” Aziraphale shoots desperate glances at Crowley, who’s dressed as a waiter. Crowley, meanwhile, looks toward the mountain of presents: he sees a gerbil, but no sign of a hell-hound, which should arrive any minute.
Aziraphale doesn’t seem to realize that other children, like the little girl in this passage, are just as rude and dismissive as Warlock is. In other words, it’s possible that children, not just the supposed Antichrist, are “infernally tainted”—that is, that they have elements of evil in them. Meanwhile, the fact that Aziraphale dedicated a year of his life to learning real sleight of hand is humorous, given that he’s an angel with supernatural powers (for instance, the ability to remove alcohol from his blood in the previous chapter). But since he’s been assigned to live and work on Earth, he wants to learn skills through honest, hard work, the way human beings do—and as an immortal, he has the time to do so. Aziraphale, like Crowley, seems to find human pastimes endearing and enjoyable.
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As Aziraphale continues his routine, he grows even more flustered when he realizes that this isn’t the Victorian era—so no one in the audience will have a handkerchief for him to borrow. He desperately asks a security guard to check his breast pocket for a handkerchief. The guard grudgingly reaches in and pulls out a silk handkerchief with lace edging—which catches on the guard’s gun, sending it flying. The children clap as Warlock runs for the gun and gleefully points it at people. He pulls the trigger when someone throws a dessert at him—but only water comes out. Aziraphale dodges flying cakes, turns the rest of the guards’ guns into water guns, and walks out of the party.
Even though he’d probably insist that turning a bunch of guns into water guns isn’t exactly what he’s supposed to be doing, Aziraphale demonstrates here that he can still snap under certain circumstances. In other words, Aziraphale might not be as unshakably good as he might like people to think. He still does what might be considered the right thing by making sure that no one is going to get hurt, but turning the guns into water guns will no doubt raise questions.
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Crowley follows Aziraphale out to the street and helps him extricate a dead dove from his sleeve. He blows life into the dove and then turns on the Bentley’s radio to check the status of the hell-hound. A demon’s voice comes through the radio and says that the hell-hound left 10 minutes ago. When the demon asks if there’s a problem, Crowley replies that he can see the dog now, and that it looks great. Crowley then turns off the radio and meets Aziraphale’s eyes. He tells Aziraphale to get in the car so they can figure out where they went wrong.
Just as Aziraphale is clearly capable of reaching his breaking point and making poor decisions, Crowley shows here that he’s capable of doing good unprompted when he brings the dead dove back to life. Neither is as wholly good or wholly evil as one might expect—indeed, Crowley isn’t being as evil as he should, since he lies to his bosses about the hell-hound’s whereabouts.
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Far from Central London, in Tadfield, a terrifying black dog appears in the road. It growls, slavers, and listens until it hears its master’s voice. The dog follows the voice to a stand of straggly trees, where it can hear young voices—one of them its master’s—discussing whether or not one boy will receive a dog for his birthday. The hound peers through the scraggly greenery and sees four children sitting on milk crates.
The hell-hound’s horrifying appearance suggests that, as its name suggests, it was created to be the embodiment of Hell. It looks terrifying and dangerous, and it seems designed to carry out evil deeds—a name like Killer seems appropriate, as Crowley suggested. But whereas Crowley has made the case that good and evil are learned and chosen rather, it seems that the hell-hound may indeed be innately evil.
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The children’s conversation meanders and returns to the subject of whether the hound’s master is going to get a dog for his birthday. One girl says with authority that he won’t. As evidence, she notes that she wanted a seven-gear bike with purple paint for her birthday—and instead, she got a girl’s bike. It’s sexism, she insists, to give people “girly presents” just because they’re girls. The hound’s master insists that he’s going to get a dog—it will be small, intelligent, and well-bred. Outside the chalk quarry, there’s a clap of thunder as the hound becomes a small dog.
Readers know that the Antichrist—the hound’s master—is Adam, not Warlock. This first view of Adam as a kid shows that Adam has, in the last 11 years, grown up to become a seemingly normal little boy, just like Warlock has. This implies that Crowley may be correct about good and evil after all: although Adam is the son of Satan, he doesn’t seem particularly evil. Being raised by normal human parents has seemingly molded him into a typical kid, which would suggest that good and evil are indeed learned characteristics rather than innate traits. Like many kids, Adam wants a dog for his birthday, and he has a very specific idea of what he wants—one that doesn’t fit the hell-hound’s description at all. His wish for a small, intelligent, well-bred dog seems to transform the hell-hound into just that, suggesting that it may be possible for the hound to shed its evilness.
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The dog’s master deliberates about what to name it, and the dog waits with bated breath—the name will give it its purpose and identity. The boy says that he’ll name his dog Dog. Deep inside, the hell-hound knows something is wrong, but he’s already devoted to his master. Strangely, instead of just wanting to jump up at people, he also wants to wag his tail.
Naming the hell-hound Dog seems to fundamentally change the hell-hound’s demeanor. Crowley previously said that the dog’s name is supposed to give it its purpose—and receiving the name Dog suggests that Dog’s purpose might just be to act as a normal dog: a companion for a boy and his family. This further implies that Adam has grown into a regular kid rather than the evil Antichrist he was predestined to become.
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Quotes
As Crowley and Aziraphale drive in the Bentley, they anxiously wonder if someone else is interfering with the Antichrist, and they discuss what can be done to a person “down there” or “up there.” Crowley insists that Aziraphale’s side has “ineffable mercy,” but Aziraphale asks if Crowley ever visited Gomorrah “afterwards.”
In the Bible, Gomorrah was a city that was consumed by fire and brimstone as punishment for its people’s sins. By asking Crowley if he ever visited Gomorrah after it was destroyed, Aziraphale makes it clear that although Heaven may be able to express “ineffable mercy,” it can also choose to mercilessly burn cities to the ground.
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Crowley and Aziraphale decide that something must’ve happened in the hospital, even though the hospital was staffed with Crowley’s people (Satanist nurses). Both Crowley and Aziraphale both find Satanists embarrassing—they’re too enthusiastic and don’t understand that all a person needs to be a Satanist is will, not elaborate symbols and rituals. Old-style Satanists aren’t even particularly evil, whereas nowadays, some of them come up with horrifically evil ideas and then blame their actions on Hell or the Devil. In Crowley’s opinion, neither Heaven nor Hell are major reservoirs of good or evil. True evil (and for that matter, good) exists inside the human mind. Suddenly, Crowley remembers a scatterbrained nun, and he drives the Bentley 90 miles per hour through London. Aziraphale puts in tape after tape of classical music, but each one plays Queen instead.
Crowley and Aziraphale are slowly putting the pieces together that Sister Mary must have made a mistake on the night that Crowley brought the baby Antichrist to the hospital. Crowley essentially proposes that what makes a person a Satanist is the desire to do evil things or worship Satan, not necessarily inclusion in a formal group of Satanists. And for that matter, even those who consider themselves Satanists usually aren’t all that bad. This makes the case that association with a group isn’t always a great indicator of what kind of a person someone is. Aziraphale and Crowley are perhaps the best examples of this, as neither of them are entirely good or entirely bad despite being an angel and a demon, respectively. Furthermore, they’re both supposed to be supportive of Armageddon and the Final Fight—and yet, here they are trying to stop it.
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Surveyors don’t tend to set up at midnight—and yet, at the same time as Crowley and Aziraphale are driving, there’s a surveyor out on the Oxfordshire plain. Her theodolite isn’t normal: it has a hazel twig strapped on top, crystal pendulums, and Celtic runes. The woman, Anathema Device, wears a sensible cloak and is a sensible person—so she carries a bread knife instead of amulets to protect against “prowling maniacs.” She draws a line on her survey map, which intersects another line. Then, Anathema collapses her theodolite and climbs on her ancient bike.
Anathema Device is the little girl who was reading The Book of prophecies earlier in the novel—and it seems that she, like Agnes Nutter, has grown up to be a witch. A theodolite is an instrument used by surveyors to take precise measurements of the landscape. Anathema is clearly taking measurements of something a bit more occult, given that her theodolite’s accessories are things associated with witchcraft. But this passage also characterizes Anathema as practical and sensible, first and foremost. She knows what witchcraft can and can’t do—and it can’t protect her from the “prowling maniacs.”
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Meanwhile, Crowley snaps at Aziraphale as they argue about asking for directions. He slams the Bentley into gear as Aziraphale notes that there’s something odd about this area; he gets the sense that someone really loves this place. Suddenly, there’s a scream and a thump, and Crowley and Aziraphale get out of the car to find a bent bike. Aziraphale conjures light but gets rid of it when a woman’s voice asks how he did that. Aziraphale pulls the woman, Anathema, up. He heals her minor fracture and picks up her things for her. Then, he picks up her bike, which is now gleaming and sports a puncture repair kit and a pump. Anathema is confused, but Aziraphale hurriedly tosses her things into the Bentley’s backseat and levitates the bike onto the new roof rack.
Aziraphale’s feeling about the area is perhaps related to whatever witchcraft Anathema was performing with her theodolite and other objects. The reader knows that Anathema and her family members are somehow related to the end of the world that’s prophesied in The Book, so it’s possible that Crowley and Aziraphale are fated to run into her as part of their mission to prevent Armageddon. Meanwhile, the changes Aziraphale makes to Anathema’s bike show that he’s a kind, caring individual and wants her to be safe—but coming from a divine being, this kind of care is confusing instead of touching. The fact that Crowley hits Anathema at all suggests that even as a demon, Crowley isn’t immune to making human mistake (like car accidents). All in all, this passage shows Aziraphale and Crawley as beings who want to do the right thing but, like everyone else, run up against issues as they try to do so.
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Anathema continues to remark on her bike’s new features as Crowley drives slowly down the road, the Bentley’s lights now on. He asks if there’s a hospital run by nuns around, but Anathema says that the only big place nearby is Tadfield Manor. When they reach Anathema’s house, she gets out of the car to find her bike already leaning against her gate. Once inside, she spreads some maps and mystical objects out on the table and tries to figure out what she learned from her surveying. She thinks that “IT” is in the northern part of the village, but the signal wasn’t strong enough. The answer must be in The Book—but the book is unintelligible unless a person can think like Agnes, who’s a brilliant but crazed witch from the 17th century. Suddenly, with horror, Anathema realizes that she’s lost The Book.
The simple fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are struggling so much to find the hospital where the Antichrist was born speaks to how human they actually are—they don’t have access to extra knowledge or understanding, just because they’re supernatural beings. Meanwhile, this passage confirms that The Book is indeed Agnes Nutter’s book of prophecies. It’s unclear what, exactly, Anathema was out looking for or how Agnes’s book will help her—but it likely has something to do with Armageddon. The revelation that Anathema lost The Book shows that she, like Anathema and Crowley, is fallible despite being a witch. The car crash was a stressful moment, and she understandably wasn’t able to keep track of all her belongings.
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As Aziraphale and Crowley drive, Aziraphale tries to explain that he can sense a “cherished” feel to this place, which he’s never felt anywhere else. Crowley calls Aziraphale oversensitive. When they reach the hospital, Crowley pulls in and reiterates to Aziraphale that on the night he brought the baby Antichrist here, the nuns working here were Satanists. He explains how his side orchestrated things so that the American Attaché’s wife, Mrs. Dowling, would have no choice but to give birth in a rural religious hospital. The plan worked perfectly—until it didn’t.
The “cherished” feel that Aziraphale picks up suggests that there might be more to the area around Tadfield than Aziraphale and Crowley realize. Indeed, since Aziraphale hasn’t felt it anywhere else, it implies that there might be something supernatural going on—and indeed, unbeknownst to Aziraphale and Crowley, Adam Young (the real Antichrist) lives in Tadfield. Meanwhile, Crowley seems to have put the pieces together and realized that the nuns made a mistake—they switched the baby Antichrist with the Youngs’ baby instead of the Dowlings’. Thus far in the novel, Aziraphale has continually insisted that God’s plan is unknowable and unchallengeable—yet, in this case, something destined to happen was seemingly thwarted by simple human error.
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Aziraphale smugly points out that evil plans are bound to self-destruct because they’re evil, but Crowley insists that it was just typical human incompetence. Then, he notices that all the cars in the driveway are fancier than his, and Aziraphale suggests that they have the wrong place. Suddenly, someone shoots both of them.
When Crowley and Aziraphale discuss why the plan went awry, Aziraphale proposes that good will always win over evil. But in Crowley’s estimation, the world is much more random and chaotic than this. The novel opened with Adam and Eve committing the “original sin” outlined in the Bible (“original sin” being the idea that humankind inherited Adam and Eve’s sin of disobeying God and are now destined to sin and make mistakes). This story seems to underpin Crowley’s view of the situation at hand: the switch-up of the baby Antichrist happened not because good triumphs over evil, but simply because making mistakes is human nature.
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Mary Hodges (formerly Sister Mary Loquacious) liked the Chattering Order, but she decided not to move with it when it left Tadfield Manor—she liked the manor and wanted to oversee its repairs. The Mother Superior handed over the deeds, since it wasn’t going to matter in 11 years anyway. Over time, Sister Mary shed her old identity and became Mary Hodges. She gave up women’s magazines and started reading magazines about finance; from one, she learned that the business community was looking for big buildings with beautiful grounds. She decided to start a business, Tadfield Manor Conference and Management Training Center, which quickly became a success. Mary’s style of management training involves much more than just informative slideshows.
Sister Mary Loquacious’s transformation to become Mary Hodges exemplifies the idea that the ability to learn and change is central to being human. Embracing that ability, Mary’s story shows, can help people find happiness and purpose in their lives (even if their lives are, in theory, only supposed to last another 11 years). It’s not clear whether Mary knows that she switched the Antichrist with the wrong baby over a decade ago—either way, there’s no indication that she feels guilty or distraught about her mistake.
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Having been shot, Crowley sinks down and thinks that he can’t afford the hassle of trying to get a new body right now. Then, he realizes that his blood is yellow, and that Aziraphale is bleeding blue—they’ve been shot with paintball guns. Crowley doesn’t know what game these people are playing.
Aziraphale and Crowley clearly aren’t infallible or all-knowing: Crowley, at least, honestly believed that he was shot with a real gun before realizing that it was only a paintball gun. Being divine doesn’t mean that Crowley and Aziraphale immediately understand everything—indeed, Crowley openly admits that he has no idea what’s going on.
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Meanwhile, as Nigel Tompkins crawls through the underbrush, he thinks that he’s not playing a game: he’s here to help his chances of getting a promotion. Tompkins sneaks back toward the figures he shot, and when he sees something dreadful—Crowley’s demonic form—he blacks out. Crowley quickly turns back into his human form, and Aziraphale scolds him for dirtying his shirt with the maggots that he conjured up as part of his demonic persona. As Crowley picks up and inspects Tompkins’s paintball gun, Aziraphale shares that currently, Heaven supports guns in the right hands. Surprised, Crowley runs a hand over the gun and drops it onto Tompkins’s chest.
The reader knows Mary Hodges was (and perhaps still is) a Satanist, and that she now runs a managerial training facility. With this in mind, it seems that this paintball game being played on the Tadfield Manor grounds is some kind of violent and chaotic corporate training exercise. Indeed, Tompkins’s inner monologue suggests that he’s here for a very specific purpose: to help his chances of moving up in his company, by violent means if necessary. The fact that a seemingly average businessman like Tompkins is willing to shoot his coworkers (as well as innocent bystanders, in the case of Crowley and Aziraphale) suggests that selfishness is part of human nature—a tendency that one might consider evil.
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Aziraphale and Crowley enter the manor. Crowley flips through a pamphlet in the reception area, hoping it’ll include a note about where the nuns went. Eventually, a plump man wanders in, jovially asks who’s winning, and says that an employee from Forward Planning got him good. Suddenly, they hear a burst of bullets from the grounds—real bullets, not pellets. Crowley smiles “like a snake.”
Crowley is clearly angry that the nuns are nowhere to be found, and he’s taking it out on the company employees who are here for a retreat—his smile after the sound of real bullets implies that he’s the one who turned the paintball guns into real guns. He seems to delight in frightening Aziraphale by letting him think that things could go seriously wrong. The description of Crowley smiling “like a snake” aligns him with his demonic identity, Crawly, rather than his more human persona, Crowley. This suggests that Crowley can’t totally separate himself from his demonic side—he still has evil tendencies. 
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Out on the grounds, Nigel Tompkins comes to, aims his gun at a coworker, and pulls the trigger. Back inside, Aziraphale shouts at Crowley for giving Tompkins a real gun, but Crowley says that fair is fair. Meanwhile, another group outside realizes that their guns are real, too. Crowley insists to Aziraphale that no one has to pull the trigger, and he admits that he’s orchestrated this incident so that no one is actually going to die. He and Aziraphale decide to wander the halls of the manor while everyone is distracted; outside, police begin to arrive.
Although Crowley is no paragon of virtue, he’s not evil enough to actually let anyone get seriously hurt. He also makes it clear that it’s not just his actions that matter—the people with the guns have the choice of whether or not to pull the trigger, after all.
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When Crowley and Aziraphale reach Mary Hodges’s office, Crowley pushes the door open and recognizes Mary immediately. He snaps his fingers, and she sits back with a blank look. Aziraphale looks scandalized but refuses to question Mary himself. Crowley confirms that Mary was a nun 11 years ago and asks if she can remember an incident involving switching babies—and if it’s possible that something went wrong. Mary does remember the baby-switching, but she doesn’t know anything else. Furthermore, the hospital records were destroyed in a fire that occurred just after the incident. Crowley groans—the fire was probably Hastur’s doing. Suddenly, Aziraphale hears sirens outside, and he insists that Crowley hurry up, refusing to delay the police.
Although Mary remembers switching the babies, she’s seemingly unaware that she mistakenly switched the Antichrist with the Youngs’ son instead of the Dowlings’. This seems to confirm Crowley’s earlier assessment that the mix-up was due to run-of-the-mill incompetence, not evil or malice. Hastur’s choice to start the fire and destroy all the records, though, certainly seems evil—it means that Crowley and Aziraphale have no way to track what happened to the Antichrist after that night at the hospital.
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No one notices Aziraphale and Crowley leaving the manor—the police are too busy wrangling the management trainees into vans. Crowley insists to Aziraphale that if Mary plays her cards right, she could make a fortune with her business. After a pause, Aziraphale wonders why they can’t find the Antichrist. Crowley explains that the boy has powers that keep him hidden from “occult forces,” like an angel and a demon. They gloomily toss out ways that the world might end. When Aziraphale suggests that it’ll be a terrorist organization, he and Crowley name terrorists on their respective sides. Three terrorist groups are on both lists. Upset and distracted, Crowley puts a random tape in—it plays Queen.
It seems somewhat odd that Aziraphale doesn’t know why he and Crowley can’t find the Antichrist, given that Aziraphale is a divine being. And given his friendship with Crowley, he is, perhaps, more aware of the situation than other angels are. Meanwhile, the fact that there are terrorist groups on each side—both good and evil—speaks to Crowley’s point that every human being is capable of good and evil—and that, more than anything, these sides are a matter of perspective. Even a terrorist could perhaps be considered good or evil, depending on what their cause is and how they carry it out.
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Aziraphale suggests that they could get a human to find the Antichrist, since humans are good at finding one another. Crowley thinks this would be unlikely, but he doesn’t have any other ideas. Aziraphale says that he’ll contact his network of agents, and Crowley agrees to do the same. When they reach Aziraphale’s bookshop in London, he reaches into the backseat for his coat and discovers a book. As Aziraphale opens it up, bells ring in his head—he realizes that it must’ve belonged to Anathema and is glad that Crowley can’t see his face. Crowley refuses to return the book as Aziraphale fumbles with his keys and barely says goodbye.
Given that Aziraphale and Crowley’s list of terror groups contained many of the same groups, it’s possible that their “networks” might actually include a lot of the same people. Again, this would make the case that good and evil is a matter of perspective—and people can be both at once. When Crowley notes that humans are good at finding each other, he acknowledges that supernatural beings aren’t all-powerful. There are some things that humans do better.
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Meanwhile, Anathema tries everything she can to find The Book, but she can’t—she realizes that she left it in the back of the men’s car. She’s sure that Agnes Nutter’s descendants are laughing at her. Anathema hopes that the men won’t know what The Book is.
The fact that Aziraphale just so happened to stumble upon the rare book he wanted for his collection hints that perhaps he was destined to find it—although at this point, it’s unclear what role The Book will play in Aziraphale and Crowley’s story. 
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Aziraphale is extremely proud of his collection of books of prophecy—they’re all signed, and he even has the original scroll of St. John the Divine of Patmos’s “Revelation.” (St. John was nice, but he liked mushrooms too much.) The book that Aziraphale found in Crowley’s Bentley, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, is missing from his collection, so he holds the book gingerly. He puts on gloves to protect the book’s pages and makes himself some cocoa to drink while he reads. Forty minutes later, the cocoa is still untouched.
The aside that Aziraphale owns the original scroll of “Revelation” is a nod to Good Omens’s source material, the Book of Revelation in the Bible. By implying that the author was fond of psychedelic mushrooms, Gaiman and Pratchett encourage readers to not take major cultural touchstones like this too seriously. In some cases, those famous works may not have been taken as seriously by the authors as they now are by the readership.
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Meanwhile, there’s a red-haired woman sitting in the corner of a bar—she’s the most successful war correspondent in the world. All the other war correspondents idolize her, but she writes for the National World Weekly. The National World Weekly typically publishes stories about Elvis, so they don’t need a war correspondent. The woman seems to arrive at the wars before they even break out. Now, she’s on a small Mediterranean island—which, all of a sudden, is experiencing violence. Suddenly, three men from different factions break through the window to claim the hotel for their side. While some believe that the hotel is strategically important, the bar’s pianist notes that the wine cellar is just well-stocked.
Given the similarities between the war correspondent and Scarlett earlier in the novel, it’s likely that they’re the same person. It’s particularly telling that the correspondent seems to arrive at the wars before they start, as this implies that she has something to do with them starting. But even in this tense, war-torn environment, the novel makes it clear that it’s possible to laugh—people are taking control of the hotel for the wine, not for any other reason.
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One man lifts his gun and threatens to shoot anyone who speaks, but everyone stops to listen. A muttering deliveryman sidles into the room with a long, thin package. He gives it to the woman at the bar and asks her to sign for it. Rather than sign her current name, Carmine Zuigiber, she signs with a shorter name: Red. The deliveryman backs out of the room, and Red opens the package: it contains a large sword. She finishes her drink, hefts the sword over her shoulder, and looks around—every gun is trained on her, and every man is afraid. The men all shoot at the same time, hitting people as well as objects in the bar. Once they’ve ceased fire, Red licks someone else’s blood off her hand and walks out, seemingly unharmed. Two surviving vacationers snap that they should’ve gone elsewhere, completely missing the importance of what happened.
Another clue that this woman is the same person as Scarlett is her current name, Carmine/Red (carmine and scarlet are both shades of red). Given everything the novel has revealed about Red thus far (that she’s attracted to or causes war, that she’s possibly immortal), when she receives this delivery of a sword, it suggests that she might be one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War, who appears in the Book of Revelation. In this book of the Bible, the Four Horsemen appear as harbingers of an apocalypse—so Red’s presence here suggests that Armageddon is drawing near. This is presumably the important thing that the vacationers miss.
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