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Part 4, Chapter 2
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
Carnegie’s 19-year-old niece Josephine arrived in New York to be his secretary, and though she became very proficient, in the beginning she struggled. But one day, when Carnegie started to criticize her, he remembered his own mistakes when he was 19 years old, and he knew that she was doing much better than he did. So, he prefaced his criticism by acknowledging that he made mistakes just like she did, and that she would get better with experience. Criticizing yourself first makes it easier for other people to hear criticism.
This chapter returns to the importance of humility. While Carnegie’s initial impulse was to criticize his niece, he also realized upon reflection that he made many of the same mistakes (if not more of them) that she did. And so, by being humble, he was able to acknowledge that he wasn’t perfect either, which made her feel better about her mistakes while still encouraging her to correct them.
Themes
E.G. Dillistone found the same thing—he was also having problems with his secretary, who made frequent spelling mistakes. He told her that he often has difficulty spelling and that he keeps a dictionary with him to double check his work when he’s not sure. After that conversation, her spelling errors were significantly reduced.
Carnegie illustrates that sometimes, you don’t even need to criticize others—simply calling attention to your own failures and how you cope with them can help people use the same strategies and correct their own mistakes. This again illustrates how positive framing—rather than simply criticizing others—is effective.
Themes
When Prince Bernard von Bülow was the Chancellor of Germany in 1909, while Wilhelm II sat on the throne, the Kaiser made a series of absurd, egotistical announcements in public—like that he was constructing a navy against Japan or that he saved England from war with Russia and France. The entire continent was outraged, and the Kaiser wanted Bülow to take the blame for advising him to make the remarks. Upset, Bülow explained he would never have advised those remarks. But realizing his mistake in criticizing the Kaiser, he complimented the man profusely, saying that he was much more knowledgeable regarding the military, science, and other subjects. But he also said that Bülow had some historical and political knowledge that could complement the Kaiser’s knowledge. As a result, the Kaiser looked on him much more favorably.
This story involving Bülow and the Kaiser illustrates two of Carnegie’s main points. First, it highlights that it is better to praise people before criticizing them. Bülow did not do this, and he acknowledged the problems with this mistake quite quickly. However, Bülow moved on to more effective strategies, like genuinely complimenting the Kaiser on his extensive knowledge, while acknowledging his own shortcomings in areas like science and the military. Because Bülow admitted his own mistakes, the Kaiser forgave his earlier error and treated him much more favorably, reinforcing the importance of humility on Bülow’s part.
Themes
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Admitting one’s own mistakes can help convince others to change their behavior, like Clarence Zerhusen, whose 15-year-old son Dave started to smoke. Clarence and his wife also smoked, and he acknowledged that nicotine got the best of him and that his cough was very irritating. He didn’t make threats or warn Dave about the dangers—he just pointed out his own faults. And so, Dave stopped smoking, and with Dave’s support, Clarence even stopped smoking himself.
In this example, Clarence’s humility and willingness to admit his own mistakes not only succeeded in preventing his son Dave from smoking, but it also helped him correct his own mistakes. Thus, Carnegie suggests that being humble can even help people overcome their own issues.
Themes
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