If I Stay: 12:19 PM Summary & Analysis

When Mia arrives at the Portland hospital, she is rushed into surgery to be treated for a host of injuries, such as a collapsed lung, contusions on her brain, broken ribs, and leg and facial abrasions. In the operating room, the doctors debate on what kind of music to play. Mia silently roots for classical, which they ultimately decide upon, though she is not too pleased with their selection of “Ride of the Valkyries.” Mia watches as the doctors and nurses pull and tug at her bloody body. The operation goes on for a long time, and the CD is switched to jazz, a genre that reminds Mia of her Dad, who once declared jazz as “punk for old people.”

As the operation wears on, Mia wonders what the limitations of her state are. She attempts to walk through a wall, and is unsuccessful. She follows a nurse out of the operating room, and discovers her grandparents (her father’s parents) in a waiting area. Her grandmother, Gran, is chatting away, a hallmark of her anxiety, while her grandfather, Gramps, expresses his grief in silence. Gran believes in angels, and often says that birds she sees are deceased relatives who have come for a visit. Mia finds it difficult to look at Gramps, who bears a striking resemblance to Dad and Teddy.

In a flashback, Mia recalls that it was Gran’s idea that she audition for Juilliard. An independent woman from a young age, Gran moved of her own volition from Massachusetts to Oregon when she was twenty-two. On one visit to Gran’s relatives in the East, Mia gives an impromptu concert with her cello, and someone brings up the idea that she is Juilliard-worthy. Gran speaks to Professor Christie about Mia auditioning, and Mia eventually sends in an application, subsequently receiving an invitation to audition. Though she is excited, Mia feels nervous that Adam will be upset, since he plans on remaining in Oregon to pursue the success of his band.

Gran had planned to take Mia to her Juilliard audition in San Francisco herself, but she sprained her ankle at the last moment, and Gramps stepped in to escort Mia. After a grueling audition that requires her to play five pieces, Mia and Gramps spend the weekend together in the city, shopping and dining. At the end of the trip, Gramps hugs Mia tightly, rather than giving her his usual handshake or back pat. She translates this as him telling her, in his own way, that he had a good time on their trip.