If I Stay: 5:42 AM Summary & Analysis

Adam leaves Mia’s hospital room abruptly, telling Nurse Ramirez that he has forgotten something and will return shortly. Willow has taken charge of Mia’s care, and convinces the head nurse to allow visits by all of Mia’s family members. Kim sits next to Mia and tells her about the craziness that has been occurring in the hospital, which Mia has actually been witness to due to her out-of-body experience. Kim’s chatty demeanor calms Mia, just like Gran’s talking had soothed her the day before.

Mia wonders what death would feel like—whether it will be a whole lot of nothingness, or whether she would be able to remember things that happened to her when she was alive. She recalls moments in her life when she had an overpowering sense of déjà vu, such as when her Mom or Dad told her a story from their childhoods and she felt as if she had lived the event that they were talking about. Mia wonders if perhaps she was present at these events, like the angels that Gran believes in. She knows that if she decides to go, she will want to retain all the loving memories she has of her family and Kim. Remembering Adam, however, would be too painful.

Kim ends her story to Mia about Brooke Vega’s distraction and the security guard by noting, “going to jail would be easy compared to losing you.” Though Mia knows Kim’s comment is meant to urge her to stay alive, in a way, Mia construes it as a sign that Kim will eventually get over the grief of losing her best friend. Mia knows that while it will hurt in the short term, Kim will go on to live a full life, and will become a stronger person for surviving the loss of Mia. Mia knows that this thought makes her hypocritical, however—if she expects Kim to survive the loss of Mia, she wonders if she should stay alive and soldier on in the face of her own personal tragedy. But she’s not sure she’s tough enough to cope with the loss of her whole family.

As Kim describes being saved from jail by Willow, Mia imagines Kim and Willow becoming close friends, and meeting every so often to remember Mia and her family. Kim lists all the family members and friends who have come to keep vigil at the hospital, and notes that even more are on the way. She takes care to note that even though Mia has lost her immediate family, the twenty-plus people that have come to see her still count as Mia’s family, regardless of whether or not they are actually related to her. “You still have a family,” she whispers to Mia.

In a flashback, Mia recalls an impromptu Labor Day party hosted by her family, attended by about twenty of the family’s friends. They enjoy food on the grill, cold watermelon, and wild blackberry pies. Mia feels especially happy when Dad, Henry, and Adam jam on their guitars and sing. They invite her to join on her cello. She protests at first, saying the musical styles of the instruments don’t go together, but eventually gives in to the pleading. After a few moments of playing along with the guitars, she realizes that the cello actually sounds “pretty amazing” alongside the other stringed instruments.