If I Stay: 9:23 AM Summary & Analysis

Mia, in a panic, asks herself whether or not she is dead, and thinks she must be in a kind of purgatory—waiting before being sent on to the next stage of death. When the paramedics arrive, Mia overhears a senior firefighter explain to a junior officer that Mom was most likely hit first, and died instantly. Paramedics work frantically on Mia’s body, ripping her clothing open and leaving her body exposed. Mia, watching, feels embarrassed.

Cars stop along the side of the road to view the damage. Some people get out of their cars, and one woman throws up at the sight of the carnage, while others pray. Mia is convinced she’s dead because, given her injuries, she should be in agony. But she feels absolutely nothing while she watches herself being worked on. The medics load her into an ambulance, saying that they will drive her to a nearby hospital, where she will then be airlifted to another hospital.

In the first flashback of the novel, Mia remembers herself at age ten, when she first fell in love with the cello. Her parents laughed at the idea of such a tiny girl playing such a large instrument, a reaction that has stung her for years, despite her parents’ subsequent apologies. Mia notes that she often feels out of place as a dark-haired classical music lover in a family of fair-haired punk rockers, and has sometimes wondered whether she was switched at birth.

Despite their initial incredulousness, Mia’s parents supported her musical talents, and ensured that she was always able to study the cello privately with college students. When she surpassed the abilities of the college students at around age fourteen, Mia’s studies were taken over by Professor Christie, a friend of Mia’s Dad who was surprised by the level of Mia’s talent, given her age.

Mia recalls her first recital, years before she ever worked with Professor Christie, when she was around age eight. Terrified of the thought of playing onstage, Mia runs away before her performance. Dad finds her and tells her that he, too, used to get terrible stage fright before performing as a drummer for his rock band. This admission makes Mia feel less out of place in her family, as she reasons that she perhaps inherited stage fright from her father. He tells her there’s no cure for stage fright, but that you need to just “hang in there.” Mia plays the recital without a hitch. Afterwards, her parents present her with a new cello of her own.