Looking for Alibrandi: Chapter 28 Summary & Analysis

The next day, as Josie heads for her homeroom class, she finds Ivy crying. Josie thinks it makes sense that Poison Ivy is so upset over the first HSC exam—but instead, Ivy says that John is dead. Josie whispers that it’s not true; she saw John yesterday—and people she knows don’t die. Ivy says that John killed himself. Josie shouts that it’s not true, but Ivy shouts back that her father wrote the autopsy report. Josie feels like she’s in a trance as Anna steps up and tries to comfort Josie. Josie runs for the bathroom and vomits. She can’t cry. She’s terrified; she doesn’t remember what John looks like. All she can think of is saying that they’d go out for dinner if they survived the HSC.

Josie takes her economics HSC and then calls Michael to pick her up. When she slides into his car a bit later, he assures her it’s just an exam. Josie realizes that she’s angry as she says that John killed himself. Michael is at a loss and seems desperate to get Josie home. When they get to Mama’s house, Michael waits for Josie to get out. But instead, Josie says that John is a “bastard.”

Josie says she used to hate being illegitimate. Kids used to tease her and she sometimes wanted to kill herself. Her friends’ mothers wouldn’t let their kids play at Josie’s house. Australian girls would taunt Josie, telling her one day that she was Italian and the next day that she was Australian. Josie wanted to kill herself because she was so confused. In high school, kids would say that illegitimate students who can’t afford school fees shouldn’t be allowed in—and again, Josie wanted to kill herself. But John killed himself, and he didn’t have any worries. He was rich and John’s father is famous. How could he have done that?

Michael points out that wealth and social standing can’t always make someone happy and then walks her to the door. When they’re both inside, Michael calls for Mama and Josie falls into Mama’s arms, sobbing. Michael tells Mama about John and Mama helps Josie to bed. Josie sobs that she should’ve seen how much John was struggling. Michael comes into the bedroom and tells Josie that John had to help himself, but Josie won’t be consoled. She says she wants to know John in 10 years—not go to his funeral. Michael says all they can do is keep living. Josie asks Michael to stay and drifts off to sleep. Her dreams are horrible.

Josie wakes up in the middle of the night with a start. Then, she leaps out of bed and finds the paper that John wrote for her months ago. She tears it open and reads a poem he wrote. The poem is about nothingness, and the narrator says that he’s “somewhere else now," "surrounded by people and the sky." Josie tries to think of what she wrote to John, but she can’t remember—it must’ve been unimportant. She tears up John’s poem and throws it out the window.

Jacob takes John’s death very hard. One afternoon, as Josie and Jacob sit at the park, Jacob wonders why John killed himself. Josie has been having nightmares that Jacob died instead of John, so she clings to Jacob. She says she’d hate to be as smart as John was—it seemed like John knew everything, so he couldn’t dream. Jacob says people need to have dreams and goals; maybe John died because he didn’t have any goals anymore. Jacob says he wants to own a garage, and Josie wants to be a barrister. He asks Josie to promise to never stop dreaming.

At the funeral a few days later, Josie wants to scream at John—the church is packed with people who loved him. In the days after, Josie finds herself going several hours at a time without thinking of John. She knows that his mother, though, will never not think of him. Josie’s teachers are beside themselves, since they think the pressure of the HSC killed John. But Josie thinks that John had known for years that he was going to die. It would make sense that he didn’t choose to date either Josie or Ivy, out of fear of bringing them down with him.

As these thoughts swirl through Josie’s head, she feels like she’s flying one moment and then slamming into the ground the next. She remembers talking with John about their “emancipation.” It’s horrific that John had to die to become emancipated—but Josie thinks it’s beautiful that she’s living to be emancipated.