Me Talk Pretty One Day: A Shiner Like a Diamond Summary & Analysis

Lou Sedaris has a special place in his heart for his daughter Amy. This is because Amy is his most attractive daughter. He often talks about how Amy will “shine like a diamond” in front of a camera, which is why he’s especially happy when a magazine decides to include her in a photographic feature of “interesting New York women.” With this on his mind, he calls Sedaris to make sure Amy is taking the opportunity seriously, wanting her to benefit as much as possible from the feature. This causes Sedaris to reflect on his father’s old-fashioned approach to physical attractiveness. Lou believes Amy’s beauty is her “greatest asset,” so he keeps close tabs on her looks. In fact, he pays close attention to all of his daughters in this regard, always quick to point out when they’ve gained weight. 

When Sedaris and Amy visit Lou for Christmas one year, Amy wears the bottom half of a “fatty suit.” Thinking his daughter has gained an incredible amount of weight, Lou is beside himself. When Amy goes to the bathroom, he laments to Sedaris, asking what happened to her and saying that she’s “killing him.” Sedaris goes along with Amy’s joke, telling his father not to say anything. Plus, he adds, he’s heard that many men like women with such large rear-ends. Eyeing his son with extreme disappointment, Lou says, “Man, what you don’t know could fill a book.” For the rest of Amy’s stay, Lou makes frequent comments about her eating habits, suggesting that she must be eating too much because she’s bored. He even offers to pay her to seek “professional help,” adding that he’ll pay her for every pound she loses.

The morning that Amy and Sedaris are scheduled to leave their father’s house, Amy takes off the fat suit. Her father is extraordinarily relieved, admitting that she fooled him. In the coming months, he continues to talk about the fat suit, saying that, though Amy tricked him, he always thought she was still beautiful—even with the fat suit on. This, he says, is because she’s beautiful “both inside and out.” However, this mentality recedes when he starts obsessing over her magazine appearance, calling Sedaris time and again to ensure everything goes well.

When Lou calls to ask how the photoshoot went, Sedaris pretends not to know. In reality, he knows that Amy didn’t wash her hair before the shoot. While waiting to be called by the makeup artist, she complimented the other women who were going to be featured, praising their beautiful outfits. When it was her turn to see the makeup artist, she said she wanted to look like somebody had “beaten the shit out of” her. The makeup artist obliged, drawing huge black eyes and other wounds on her face. Amy loved this look. After the photoshoot, she walked through the streets, and whenever somebody asked what happened, she smiled and said, “I’m in love. Can you believe it? I’m finally, totally in love, and I feel great.”