Friendship Theme Analysis

Friendship is a difficult subject for Jade: since starting at St. Francis, a private high school, two years ago, she hasn’t made any close friends at school. Though Jade isn’t bullied, she feels as though she’s incompatible with the majority of her classmates, and instead spends most of her free time with kids she grew up with, such as her best friend Lee Lee and Lee Lee’s cousins. This all begins to change when a girl named Sam starts at St. Francis, as she, like Jade, takes the bus to school from the opposite side of the city. As the girls’ friendship develops—and, for a time, falls apart—Jade begins to discover that friendship isn’t just about having things in common. The book demonstrates that although similarities may be a precursor to friendship, true friendships only grow when people demonstrate that they’re open, curious, empathetic, and willing to stand up for their friends as needed.

Sam and Jade bond immediately over their shared experience of poverty. In a school where most students’ families pay thousands of dollars in tuition, most students drive themselves to school, and many go out to lunch every day in addition to extravagant excursions every weekend, it’s a relief for Sam and Jade that they’ll both be eating free lunch in the cafeteria. And it’s not just the companionship that makes this attractive: it’s the fact that both girls understand what it’s like to get a full meal at school after what was probably a minimal (at best) breakfast at home and possibly some midmorning candy out of a teacher’s candy dish. Especially when considered alongside Jade’s friendship with Lee Lee, this suggests clearly that friendships arise when people share important, defining experiences or qualities. Sam and Jade share their poverty, while Jade and Lee Lee share being black and growing up in a neighborhood that many people consider to be a “ghetto.”

Things begin to go downhill between Sam and Jade thanks to two events: an incident of racism directed at Jade that happens while the girls are at the mall together, and Sam’s nomination for the Costa Rica service trip at school. While at a store at the mall, a clerk asks Jade—who can’t fit into any of the clothes or afford to buy anything—to check her backpack at the counter and then orders Jade to leave when she refuses. Jade is one of several women at the store with a large bag, but she’s the only black person, and Jade recognizes that this is the only reason the clerk treats her this way. However, Sam, who is white, suggests that the clerk was just doing her job, thereby invalidating Jade’s experience and making Jade feel as though Sam will never be able to empathize with her. This begins to poison Jade’s thoughts about Sam and makes it even more hurtful when Sam is nominated to go to Costa Rica and Jade isn’t—especially since Jade has worked so hard with the goal of going on the trip. The girls stop talking to each other once Sam leaves for Costa Rica, and for a time, Jade believes that their friendship is over. However, Lee Lee points out to Jade that she doesn’t usually give people many chances to do better—and that Sam won’t know what “better” means if Jade doesn’t say anything. While this certainly doesn’t excuse Sam’s dismissal of the racism Jade experienced, it does suggest that friends have a responsibility to speak up for what they need in their friendships. Indeed, when Jade finally does talk to Sam in Spanish class one day, Sam admits that she doesn’t know how to talk about racism like what Jade experienced. Sam clearly didn’t behave the way she did with the express purpose of hurting Jade—and when Jade points out where Sam went wrong, Sam apologizes without making excuses and she promises to do better in the future. This, the novel suggests, is a best-case scenario, as it’s one that gives the girls practice in resolving conflict and helps them develop empathy, two things that the novel insists are necessary to a successful friendship.

Though a much more formal relationship in many ways, Jade’s relationship with Maxine (her mentor at the Woman to Woman program) also becomes a friendship as the two young women gradually open up, reaffirm their commitments, and start to listen more carefully to each other. At first, Maxine doesn’t seem to take the program seriously. She blows Jade off on several occasions, spends her time on her phone dealing with a messy breakup, and is uninterested in actually listening to what Jade wants and needs from their relationship—that is, a person who relates to her and can show her how to navigate the world as a successful black woman. Like Jade’s conflict with Sam, Jade writes Maxine off at several points. However, after Lee Lee’s pep talk, Jade works up the courage to call Maxine out on her bad behavior and asks for what she needs out of their relationship—and doing this allows Maxine and Jade to form an understanding with the potential to blossom into a real, supportive friendship over the course of the two-year program.

Through the trajectories of Jade’s friendships with both Sam and Maxine, the novel makes it clear that it’s easy to begin friendships with people who share important similarities, but that’s not what keeps friendships strong. Rather, friendships continue and thrive when friends are able to forgive each other for their mistakes, ask for what they need, and develop empathy for and understanding of each other’s situations.