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Thi Bui
Thi Bui’s mother. Although her name is Hằng, Bui consistently calls her “Má” (the Southern Vietnamese word for “Mom”), and she calls herself “Mẹ” (which is a “weighty, serious, more elegant word” from the North). Má is born to a prominent, well-connected family in Cambodia and raised in Nha Trang, where her father works as an engineer for the French colonial government. Má loses herself in books as a child and proves an exceptional student; she attends various French schools throughout Việt Nam, which allows her to develop her own circle of friends and think freely, but also separates her from her family and challenges her sense of identity as a Vietnamese woman living under (and benefiting from) the French colonial system. Eventually, she becomes a nationalist and celebrates Việt Nam’s liberation from the French, but also decides that (in the author’s words) “MARRIAGE = TRAP” but “[French] EDUCATION = FREEDOM.” She wants to become a doctor and study outside of Việt Nam, but ends up pursuing teaching instead. However, when she meets her husband, Bui’s Bố, at the Teachers College in Sài Gòn at the age of 19, her freedom is suddenly shattered. Má expects Bố to die of his tuberculosis and leave her “free as a widow,” but he survives, and Má gets pregnant. To add insult to injury, this first daughter, Quyên, dies, which devastates Má and Bố. Although Má is able to work outside the home, she spends the rest of her life devoted to providing for and raising her children, first in Sài Gòn and later in the United States. She ultimately escapes Việt Nam eight months into her pregnancy and gives birth to Tâm as a refugee in Malaysia. Into her 70s when Thi Bui published The Best We Could Do, Má is talkative and friendly but eminently practical and reluctant to openly express affection. With her plans and dreams of freedom crushed by the obligations of everyday life, Má’s journey shows how family requires sacrifice, usually on the part of women, and how this sacrifice makes an imprint on people’s personalities and identities.
Má Quotes in The Best We Could Do
The The Best We Could Do quotes below are all either spoken by Má or refer to Má. For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
).
Chapter 1
Quotes
But if I surrender, I’m afraid I’ll want a full retreat—
to go all the way back. To be the baby and not the mother.
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FAMILY is now something I have created—
—and not just something I was born into.
The responsibility is immense.
A wave of empathy for my mother washes over me.
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Chapter 2
Quotes
My parents escaped Việt Nam on a boat so their children could grow up in freedom.
You’d think I could be more grateful.
I am now older than my parents were when they made that incredible journey.
But I fear that around them, I will always be a child…
and they a symbol to me—two sides of a chasm, full of meaning and resentment.
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My parents are retired, in good health, and free to do as they please…
…but also lonely, aging, and quietly wishing we’d take better care of them.
In Việt Nam, they would be considered very old in their seventies.
In America, where people their age run marathons or at least independently, my parents are stuck in limbo between two sets of expectations…
…and I feel guilty.
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Soon after that trip back to Việt Nam (our first since we escaped in 1978)…
…I began to record our family history…
thinking that if I bridged the gap between the past and the present…
…I could fill the void between my parents and me.
And that if I could see Việt Nam as a real place, and not a symbol of something lost…
…I would see my parents as real people…
and learn to love them better.
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Chapter 6
Quotes
I understand why it was easier for her to not tell me these things directly, and I DID want to know.
But it still wasn’t EASY for me to swallow that my mother had been at her happiest without us.
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Chapter 8
Quotes
We were now BOAT PEOPLE—
—five among hundreds of thousands of refugees flooding into neighboring countries, seeking asylum.
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Chapter 10
Quotes
That first week of parenting was the hardest week of my life, and the only time I ever felt called upon to be HEROIC.
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I’m no longer a kid…am I?
Having a child taught me, certainly,
that I am not the center of the universe.
But being a child, even a grown-up one, seems to me to be a lifetime pass for selfishness.
We hang resentment onto the things our parents did to us, or the things they DIDN’T do for us…
…and in my case—
—call them by the wrong name.
To accidentally call myself Mẹ
was to slip myself into her shoes
just for a moment.
To let her be not what I want her to be
but someone independent, self-determining, and free,
means letting go of that picture of her in my head.
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Get the entire The Best We Could Do LitChart as a printable PDF.
Má Quotes in The Best We Could Do
The The Best We Could Do quotes below are all either spoken by Má or refer to Má. For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
).
Chapter 1
Quotes
But if I surrender, I’m afraid I’ll want a full retreat—
to go all the way back. To be the baby and not the mother.
Related Characters:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
FAMILY is now something I have created—
—and not just something I was born into.
The responsibility is immense.
A wave of empathy for my mother washes over me.
Related Characters:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 2
Quotes
My parents escaped Việt Nam on a boat so their children could grow up in freedom.
You’d think I could be more grateful.
I am now older than my parents were when they made that incredible journey.
But I fear that around them, I will always be a child…
and they a symbol to me—two sides of a chasm, full of meaning and resentment.
Related Characters:
Related Symbols:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
My parents are retired, in good health, and free to do as they please…
…but also lonely, aging, and quietly wishing we’d take better care of them.
In Việt Nam, they would be considered very old in their seventies.
In America, where people their age run marathons or at least independently, my parents are stuck in limbo between two sets of expectations…
…and I feel guilty.
Related Characters:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
Soon after that trip back to Việt Nam (our first since we escaped in 1978)…
…I began to record our family history…
thinking that if I bridged the gap between the past and the present…
…I could fill the void between my parents and me.
And that if I could see Việt Nam as a real place, and not a symbol of something lost…
…I would see my parents as real people…
and learn to love them better.
Related Characters:
Related Symbols:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 6
Quotes
I understand why it was easier for her to not tell me these things directly, and I DID want to know.
But it still wasn’t EASY for me to swallow that my mother had been at her happiest without us.
Related Characters:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 8
Quotes
We were now BOAT PEOPLE—
—five among hundreds of thousands of refugees flooding into neighboring countries, seeking asylum.
Related Characters:
Related Symbols:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 10
Quotes
That first week of parenting was the hardest week of my life, and the only time I ever felt called upon to be HEROIC.
Related Characters:
Related Symbols:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
I’m no longer a kid…am I?
Having a child taught me, certainly,
that I am not the center of the universe.
But being a child, even a grown-up one, seems to me to be a lifetime pass for selfishness.
We hang resentment onto the things our parents did to us, or the things they DIDN’T do for us…
…and in my case—
—call them by the wrong name.
To accidentally call myself Mẹ
was to slip myself into her shoes
just for a moment.
To let her be not what I want her to be
but someone independent, self-determining, and free,
means letting go of that picture of her in my head.
Related Characters:
Related Themes:
Page Number and Citation:
Explanation and Analysis:
