Childhood, Adulthood, and Freedom Theme Analysis

In The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz invokes ancient wisdom from the Toltec (an early Mexican civilization) about how to live a happy life. In particular, he examines the Toltec belief that freedom is being like a child: having fun, enjoying life, and doing what makes one happy. Ruiz argues that children are free—or “wild”—because they act how they want, express themselves openly, and follow their whims without fear. However, children are quickly “domesticated” by being taught how to act according to society’s rules, and this leads to them growing up to become unhappy, dissatisfied adults. According to Ruiz, a person can become free once again if they replace the tendency to act in a way that satisfies others with a tendency to act childlike: to live in the moment, to do what they want, and to satisfy their true desires.  

Ruiz argues that young children are “free” because they act without worrying about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. He says, “As children we are not afraid of the future or ashamed of the past. Our normal human tendency is to enjoy life, to play, to explore, to be happy, and to love.” This suggests that living without inhibitions is the natural way of life for human beings, but that we are gradually indoctrinated into being “afraid of the future or ashamed of the past” as we grow up and face social pressures and responsibilities. Most adults, in contrast to children, live a kind of perverted existence in which they are not free because most of their lives are spent trying to please others. They fear being judged and criticized, so they tend to act in a way that avoids criticism rather than acting based on their own desires. Ruiz observes that children exhibit natural human tendencies like curiosity, playing, engaging with the world, and expressing themselves which become suppressed in adulthood because of the perpetual fear of being judged.

Ruiz believes that most adults lose this sense of childhood freedom and resign themselves to “domesticated,” unfulfilling existences in which they live for other people rather than for themselves. For example, it’s common for people to spend most of their waking hours working jobs they hate—not because they want to, but because they are supposed to earn money, buy houses, and fulfill other societal expectations. People thus often end up wasting money on escapism, such as drinking to forget that they spend most of their time doing something they hate. As such, Ruiz suggests that the only authentic and meaningful way to live is by freely pursuing what sparks childlike joy—otherwise, people are doomed to live unfulfilling lives in which they never experience true, lasting happiness.

In establishing this distinction between children and adults, Ruiz suggests that if people were to simply do their best at things they actually enjoy doing (as children do), simply doing those things would make them happy. Freedom can be achieved by becoming aware of the ways in which social rules inhibit natural human tendencies, and one can achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment by embodying one’s inner child. To do so, Ruiz says, people should pay attention to activities that make them happy and summon the courage to live like children by doing those things all the time. Rewards like money will inevitably come from following one’s passion, but those rewards will be a bonus rather than one’s reason for acting. Ruiz writes, “if we like what we do, if we always do our best, then we are really enjoying life. We are having fun, we don’t get bored, we don’t have frustrations.” In other words, Ruiz believes that people should take stock of the reasons why they act and only do things because the action itself brings them happiness and personal fulfillment. Such actions enable people to reconnect with their inner child, to become “wild” and to be free, which is what it means to live the Toltec way of life. Ruiz thus concludes that, in accordance with Toltec belief, a person is only free when they are able to be themselves. In doing what one wants because it makes one happy while doing it, one can enjoy life the way a child does, even in adulthood.