Rachel cannot explain to Scott what her motivations were in continuing to see him and help him. Not even she is certain of what her ultimate aims were in getting close to Scott, other than to remind herself of the “golden” ideal of love that she lost when Megan disappeared. Scott’s fury and violence in this passage seem to suggest to Rachel that Scott must have been responsible for Megan’s death—but there is, of course, more to human behavior than meets the eye.