High school sophomore John Conlan is one of the novel’s two narrators. He’s boisterous, handsome, and a compulsive liar. Though John is initially rather selfish and without compassion, he becomes more self-examined and develops empathy…
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Lorraine Jensen
High school sophomore Lorraine Jensen is one of the novel’s two narrators. She is introspective, shy, and highly compassionate—the opposite of her best friend John. She exhibits her compassion and insight through her obsession…
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Angelo Pignati (“The Pigman”)
Angelo Pignati, whom John and Lorraine nickname “the Pigman,” is an elderly widower whom the teens unintentionally befriend after they randomly call his number as part of a prank phone call game and subsequently go…
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Lorraine’s Mom
Lorraine’s mom is a home nurse. She has a hard life—her work doesn’t pay well and she struggles to raise a child as a single mother. But she takes her stress out on Lorraine…
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Mr. Conlan (“Bore”)
Mr. Conlan, whom John has nicknamed “Bore,” is John’s father. He’s a recovering alcoholic who quit drinking after getting diagnosed with sclerosis of the liver (a result of his alcoholism). But before he quit drinking…
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Mrs. Conlan, whom John calls “The Old Lady,” is John’s mother. She’s a timid, anxious woman who is primarily concerned with keeping her volatile husband, Bore, calm—often at John’s expense. John’s mother (and his…
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Bobo
Bobo is a mean, vicious baboon who resides at the zoo. Despite Bobo’s rather hostile demeanor, Mr. Pignati considers Bobo his friend and frequently visits him and feeds him peanuts. He perhaps does this because…
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Conchetta Pignati
Conchetta was Mr. Pignati’s wife. She died sometime before the events of the story take place, and Mr. Pignati is still grieving her—so much so that he can hardly confront her death directly. When…
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Norton Kelly
Norton Kelly is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. He’s a stereotypical “tough guy”…
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Dennis Jobin
Dennis Jobin is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. He’s Norton Kelly’s friend…
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Miss Reillen
Miss. Reillen is the school librarian. She’s apparently somewhat overweight but wears tight dresses anyway. While John mocks her for this (which today’s readers may find especially cruel and uncalled for), Lorraine has more empathy…
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Deanna Deas
Deanna Deas is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. She also works in the…
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Minor Characters
Lorraine’s Dad
Lorraine’s dad died several years before the story takes place. He cheated on Lorraine’s mother when she was pregnant with Lorraine, causing Lorraine’s parents to separate. As a result of Lorraine’s father’s infidelity, Lorraine’s mother has a lingering hatred for men and boys, and a negative attitude toward sexuality.
Janice Dickery
Janice Dickery is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. She apparently had to drop out of school her junior year because of something involving Jack Brahn.
Jack Brahn
Jack Brahn is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. He apparently has something to do with Janice Dickery dropping out of high school.
Helen Kazinski
Helen Kazinksi is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital. When Helen and Lorraine try on Conchetta’s old dresses during the party, Helen unintentionally rips one of them.
Jen Appling
Jen Appling is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital.
Melissa Dumas
Melissa Dumas is one of John and Lorraine’s classmates who attends the raucous party they throw at Mr. Pignati’s house while Mr. Pignati is recovering at the hospital.
Aunt Ahra
Aunt Ahra is John’s deceased, elderly aunt. She lived with the family before her death, and John often blames her for his own antics.
Kenneth Conlan
Kenneth Conlan is John’s wealthy and successful older brother who works on Wall Street. Bore often compares underachieving, troublemaking John to Kenneth.
Tony
Tony owns a corner store, Tony’s Market, and is known to sell beer to anyone, even kids below the drinking age. John often takes advantage of Tony’s lenience to feed his drinking habit.