This Is How It Always Is Summary

Roo is Penn and Rosie’s first son, and they decide to hyphenate his name, Roosevelt Walsh-Adams, so he doesn’t sound “too presidential.” Next is Ben, and then the twins, Rigel and Orion, because Penn and Rosie thought they would have “just one more.” Now, even though Rosie is a doctor and a woman of science, she is rearranging her bedroom furniture in the middle of the afternoon because the ancient laws of the Talmud say that daughters are conceived in the afternoon and in beds with an east-west orientation. Claude is conceived that afternoon, and since this is Rosie’s forth pregnancy and fifth child, people keep asking her if she is Catholic and if she understands how birth control works. After nine months, Rosie goes into labor, which, by now, she is a professional at. She immediately knows when it is time to push, and with Penn telling her to breathe, she hears the doctor yell, “It’s a boy!”

Penn is an only child, and when he first told Rosie this, she responded with sadness, as if he was dying. Penn is a writer, and he and Rosie were first fixed up by a woman from Penn’s MFA program. On their first date, Rosie told Penn that she had a sister named Poppy who died of cancer when they were just kids. That night, after Penn dropped Rosie off, he came to the “realization” that he would one day have a daughter named Poppy. All through Rosie’s residency, Penn sat reading in the hospital waiting room, and on Rosie’s breaks, he would tell her stories of Grumwald, a knight of his own creation. Penn and Rosie fell in love over Grumwald stories, and now he tells Grumwald stories to their five kids each night before bed. Bedtime is the busiest and most difficult time of the day, and since Rosie is often working at the hospital, Penn is usually flying solo. Claude is five years old now, is interested in science and dinosaurs, and when he grows up, he wants to be a “girl scientist.” When Claude and his siblings put on a play for Ben’s birthday, Claude is the princess, and he refuses to take the dress off. He even wants to wear the dress to preschool, and Rosie and Penn are forced to make up elaborate excuses to get him out of it.

On the first day of kindergarten, Claude comes down for breakfast wearing the princess dress. Penn “accidentally” spills down the front of the dress, forcing Claude to change into shorts and a t-shirt, but Claude insists on using one of his grandmother Camry’s patent leather purses as a “lunch tote.” After school, Rosie is informed that the school doesn’t allow peanut butter sandwiches, and boys with purses are a “distraction.” Claude insists the purse is a “lunch tote” and continues taking his lunch in it every day. He also continues to wear a dress every day, but only after he gets home from school. Penn and Rosie tell Claude he can wear a dress to school if that is what he wants, but he says no. His teacher, Miss Appleton, already thinks he is weird, and he doesn’t want the other kids to make fun of him. Claude says he is fine just changing into his “real clothes” when he gets home from school. Near the end of fall, Penn and Rosie make an appointment at the school to talk about Claude. He wants to start wearing a dress to school, and Penn and Rosie want to make the transition as easy as possible. The principal, Dwight Harmon, is understanding. He has had transgender students before and has experience working with children with special needs, but Victoria Revels, the school district’s representative, is mostly concerned with pronouns and which bathroom Claude will use. If he isn’t changing his name, she says, they won’t worry about pronouns, but Claude must use the bathroom in the nurse’s office from now on.

On the first day that Claude wears a dress to school, Penn goes with him and sits quietly in the back of the classroom, just in case. The kids, however, seem relatively indifferent to Claude’s clothes. They ask him a few questions, but that’s it. The older kids are different story though, and as time goes on, the playground becomes an increasingly miserable place for Claude. To escape the older kids, Claude begins eating lunch in the bathroom, but the nurse catches him and tells him to stop. After that, Claude begins going into the boys’ bathroom, but Miss Appleton soon catches him doing that, too. He must use the nurse’s bathroom, she says. She tells him only little boys use the boys’ bathroom. If Claude wants to wear a dress, then he must use the nurse’s bathroom. Claude says he should just use the girls’ bathroom then, and Miss Appleton replies through gritted teeth: “But you’re not a little girl.” Victoria Revels calls Penn that night and says that Claude will have to decide if he is a boy or a girl. If he has gender dysphoria, Ms. Revels says, that is one thing, but if Claude just wants to wear a dress, then he is being “disruptive” and must stop. And in the meantime, she adds, he must use the nurse’s bathroom. Later that night, Claude goes to Rosie and Penn and tells them that he has decided to change his name to Poppy. Penn and Rosie think it is “perfect.”

One day, Rosie drops Poppy off at her friend Nicky’s house, but Rosie doesn’t get far before Poppy calls crying and tells Rosie to come and get her. Rosie calls Penn, who is closer, and races toward Nicky’s house. Penn is just pulling up when she gets there, and as they get out of the car, Poppy runs out of the house, crying. Nicky’s father, Nick, comes to the door and, calling Poppy a “faggot,” says she is never welcome near his son again. Nick lifts his shirt to reveal a gun tucked into his pants, when Nicky’s mother, Cindy, pulls up and pushes him back inside. Cindy texts later to apologize, but Rosie doesn’t bother to answer.

Later, while Rosie is working a shift in the emergency room, an ambulance brings in Jane Doe, a transgender woman who has been shot and nearly beaten to death by a bunch of fraternity boys at the local university. Between Nick Sr. and Jane Doe, Rosie knows she must move Poppy to a safer city, one that is more open-minded, and she finally decides on Seattle. It is a city, but there is still access to parks and nature trails, and there are plenty of hospitals. But most importantly, it is a diverse city, and it is more open and accepting of people who are different.

Rosie gets a job at a private family practice in Seattle, and they buy a house near the city. On Rosie’s first day alone in the house, the neighbors, Frank and Marginny, stop by to introduce themselves. Marginny and Frank have two daughters, Aggie and Cayenne, and when Marginny asks about Rosie’s kids, she blurts out Poppy’s whole story in a single breath. The next day, at a barbeque at Frank and Marginny’s house, Marginny tells Rosie that she and Frank don’t intend to tell their kids the truth about Poppy. Aggie will be in Poppy’s class at school, and if the idea is for Aggie to treat Poppy like a girl, Marginny and Frank don’t see the point in confusing things by telling Aggie the truth. Rosie and Penn agree that is probably best and decide to keep the fact that Poppy is transgender a secret. Poppy and Aggie become close friends and, along with Kim and Natalie, are inseparable. Poppy and Aggie’s bedroom windows face one another, and they promise to be best friends forever and “rival princesses in neighboring castles.” Poppy and her family manage to keep Poppy’s secret for years, until Poppy is 10 years old. One afternoon, Poppy calls Rosie at work. “Mom. They know,” Poppy says. “Everyone knows.”

It all started when a boy named Jake Irving said he heard Poppy has “a giant dick,” and it went downhill from there. By the afternoon, the entire school was talking about Poppy, and she walked out and immediately came home. She is not, Poppy says, going back to school. That night, Penn and Rosie go to Poppy’s room to check on her and find her dressed like Claude with her head shaved bald. Poppy insists on being called Claude and refuses to leave his room. Rosie stays home with him for three days, but when she checks in with her office on the fourth day, Howie, the doctor who owns the practice, says Rosie must start doing extra work if she wants to continue working at the practice, and he wants her to go to Thailand and set up a refugee clinic. Later at home, Rosie finds Penn researching sex reassignment surgery and vaginoplasty. He isn’t advocating for any surgical intervention now, he says, but if Poppy decides it is something she wants later, he wants to educate himself. Poppy is 10, Rosie reminds him, and now insists on being called Claude again. Rosie goes to bed that night feeling unsure about everything. It is impossible to sleep, and near dawn, she gets up and sends a text to Howie. She will go to Thailand and set up the clinic, as long as Poppy—who is now going by Claude—can go with her.

When Claude and Rosie get to Bangkok, Claude is shocked to see how many people walking around are just like him. The women have long hair and wear dresses, but Claude can tell by their hands and feet that they are transgender. As Rosie works every day at the clinic, Claude works at the school, teaching the children how to speak English by telling them Grumwald stories. The children think Claude is a monk because his head is shaved bald, but he doesn’t know if that means they think he is a girl or a boy. Claude considers the children a “blind test.” If they think he is boy, then he is; however, if they see him as a girl, then that is what he is. Penn says the important thing is what Claude sees when he looks at himself. “I see nothing,” Claude says. A woman named K helps Rosie at the clinic during the day—K serves as the mechanic, nurse, physical therapist, social worker, and security detail—and Rosie can’t help but notice she is transgender. It is called Kathoey, K says, and in Thailand, there is no stigma attached to Kathoey. “We all Buddhist,” K says, “Is karma. Is life. Is just another way to be.”

There are Buddha statues all over Thailand, and Claude notices how feminine they all look. A local named Nok tells him that Buddha is depicted as more feminine because it makes him look peaceful and gentle. According to Nok, Buddha had many bodies before he reached enlightenment. In Buddhism, nothing belongs to you, not even your own body. Claude instantly likes this idea. Buddha is a person who was born male, shaved his head, “got enlightened, and then ended up looking like a girl.” Buddha understands that bodies don’t matter, and from that moment on, Claude is a Buddhist. Late that night, Rosie gets a text from Penn, telling her to come home. When she finally gets ahold of him the next day, he tells her that he has sold a book, The Adventures of Grumwald and Princess Stephanie, and she must come home so they and celebrate. In Penn’s new story, Grumwald is cursed by a witch and forced to live each day as a knight and each night as Princess Stephanie. It is Poppy’s story, he says, and others need to read it, so they can understand. Rosie does return home, with Poppy, who has finally agreed to go back to school. Poppy even attends the school Valentine’s Day dance and dances with Jake Irving, who apologizes for treating her so badly. Rosie says that their fairytale has a happy ending after all, but Penn promises they are nowhere near the end.