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Act 1, Scene 3
Henry IV, Part 1 Translation Act 2, Scene 1
Enter a CARRIER with a lantern in his hand
FIRST CARRIER
Heigh-ho! An it be not four by the day, I’ll be hanged.Charles’s Wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not packed.—What, ostler!
FIRST CARRIER
Good god, it must be 4 in the morning by now! The Big Dipper is now above the chimney, but our horses aren't ready to leave. Hey, ostler!
OSTLER
[within] Anon, anon.
OSTLER
[Offstage] In a second, in a second.
FIRST CARRIER
I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle. Put a few flocks in the point. Poor jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.
FIRST CARRIER
Hey, Tom, soften my horse's saddle. Put some extra padding under the saddle. My poor old horse has got some bad cuts between its shoulders.
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Enter another CARRIER
SECOND CARRIER
Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside down since Robin ostler died.
SECOND CARRIER
The food for the horses here is is as wet as a dog. That's the quickest way to give old horses diseases. This inn has gone downhill since the ostler Robin died.
FIRST CARRIER
Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose. It was the death of him.
FIRST CARRIER
Poor guy hadn't been happy since the price of oats went up. It was the death of him.
SECOND CARRIER
I think this be the most villanous house in all London road for fleas. I am stung like a tench.
SECOND CARRIER
This stable has worse fleas than anywhere on the road leading to London. I am stung like a tench.
FIRST CARRIER
Like a tench? By the Mass, there is ne'er a king christen could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.
FIRST CARRIER
Like a tench? I swear, not even a Christian king could be bitten more than I've been bitten since midnight.
SECOND CARRIER
Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we leak in your chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.
SECOND CARRIER
They haven't even given us a bathroom, so we have to urinate in the fireplace even though we know that urine breeds fleas like a loach.
FIRST CARRIER
What, ostler, come away and be hanged. Come away.
FIRST CARRIER
What are you doing, ostler?! Come here right now—I mean it!
SECOND CARRIER
I have a gammon of bacon and two races of ginger to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.
SECOND CARRIER
I have a leg of smoked ham and some ginger roots that I have to deliver to Charing Cross.
FIRST CARRIER
God’s body, the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.— What, ostler! A plague on thee! Hast thou never an eye in thy head? Canst not hear? An ’twere not as good deed as drink to break the pate on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged. Hast no faith in thee?
FIRST CARRIER
Jesus Christ, the turkeys in my basket are starving! Come on, ostler! Damn you! Can you not see anything? Can you not hear? If it isn't a good idea to smack you on the head, then I am an idiot. Come on I say! Can we trust you at all?
Enter GADSHILL
GADSHILL
Good morrow, carriers. What’s o'clock?
GADSHILL
Good morning, carriers. What time is it?
FIRST CARRIER
I think it be two o'clock.
FIRST CARRIER
I think it's about two o'clock.
GADSHILL
I prithee, lend me thy lantern to see my gelding in thestable.
GADSHILL
Lend me your lantern so that I can check on my horse in the stable.
FIRST CARRIER
Nay, by God, soft. I know a trick worth two of that, i'faith.
FIRST CARRIER
Not a chance. I know a few tricks like that myself, indeed.
GADSHILL
[To SECOND CARRIER ] I pray thee, lend me thine.
GADSHILL
[To the SECOND CARRIER] Okay then, lend me yours.
SECOND CARRIER
Ay, when, canst tell? “Lend me thy lantern,” quoth he.Marry, I’ll see thee hanged first.
SECOND CARRIER
Hey, no way! "Lend me your lantern," he says. By God, I'll see you hanged before I do.
GADSHILL
Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
GADSHILL
Sir carrier, when are you planning to be in London?
SECOND CARRIER
Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee.Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. Theywill along with company, for they have great charge.
SECOND CARRIER
Some time tonight, I can assure you. Come on, Mugs, my friend. We'll go wake up the ostler. They want to travel with us because they have valuable baggage with them.
Exeunt CARRIERS
GADSHILL
What ho, chamberlain!
GADSHILL
Hey, chamberlain!
CHAMBERLAIN
[within] At hand, quoth pickpurse.
CHAMBERLAIN
[Offstage] "I'm ready," as the pickpockets say!
GADSHILL
That’s even as fair as “at hand, quoth the Chamberlain,” for thou variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from laboring: thou layest the plot how.
GADSHILL
That's basically the same as "I'm ready, says the Chamberlain," since you're about as different from a thief as a supervisor is from a worker—you just decide how the work is done.
Enter CHAMBERLAIN
CHAMBERLAIN
Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you yesternight: there’s a franklin in the Wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at supper—a kind of auditor, one that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already and callfor eggs and butter. They will away presently.
CHAMBERLAIN
Good morning, Mr. Gadshill. Everything I told you last night is still true. There's a small landowner staying here from Kent who has two hundred pounds with him in gold. I heard him telling one of his friends last night at dinner. The friend was some kind of accountant. He has a lot of baggage too—Lord knows what it contains. They are already awake and have asked for their breakfast. They will set off soon.
GADSHILL
Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' clerks, I’ll give thee this neck.
GADSHILL
Sir, if they don't run into thieves on their journey, I'll let you hang me.
CHAMBERLAIN
No, I’ll none of it. I pray thee keep that for the hangman, for I know thou worshipest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.
CHAMBERLAIN
I won't do it. Save it for the hangman. For I know you worship the patron saint of thieves as much as a villain like you worships anything.
GADSHILL
What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’llmake a fat pair of gallows, for if I hang, old Sir Johnhangs with me, and thou knowest he is no starveling. Tut, there are other Troyans that thou dream’st not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession some grace, that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake make all whole. Iam joined with no foot-land-rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms, but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray, andyet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to their saint the commonwealth, or rather not pray to her but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and make her their boots.
GADSHILL
Why are you talking to me about the hangman? If I am going to hang, I will make up one half of a fat pair, because if I hang, Falstaff will hang alongside me—and you know he is not exactly skinny. You know, there are other companions that you can't even imagine, ones who are happy to give the profession of robbing some respectability—and all for the sake of a practical joke. And if there was ever an investigation into our crimes, their reputation would resolve everything. I'm not accompanied by some highwaymen on foot, or thieves with long canes striking people for small change, or red-faced, mustache-sporting drunkards. No, I'm accompanied by easygoing noblemen, magistrates, great ones! These men would prefer to fight than talk, and would rather talk than drink, and would drink first before they'd pray. But, no, that's a lie—they're always praying to their saint—the commonwealth, England. Or rather, they don't pray to her, but instead they prey on her. For they trample over her and make her their boots.
CHAMBERLAIN
What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water in foul way?
CHAMBERLAIN
Make her their boots? Will she let you stay dry on a muddy road?
GADSHILL
She will, she will. Justice hath liquored her. We stealas in a castle, cocksure. We have the receipt of fern seed; we walk invisible.
GADSHILL
She will, she will. Justice has made her waterproof. We can steal in complete safety and with confidence. We have the perfect potion to remain unseen.
CHAMBERLAIN
Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to thenight than to fern seed for your walking invisible.
CHAMBERLAIN
No, I don't think so. It will be the darkness of the night which will make us invisible, not some perfect potion.
GADSHILL
Give me thy hand. Thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man.
GADSHILL
Shake my hand. You will get a share of our plunder. On my honor as a true man, you will.
CHAMBERLAIN
Nay, rather let me have it as you are a false thief.
CHAMBERLAIN
No, I would prefer it if you swore on your reputation as a lying thief.
GADSHILL
Go to. Homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostlerbring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddyknave.
GADSHILL
Whichever. Homo is a name which applies to all men, even the lying thieves. Tell the ostler to bring my horse out of the stable. Goodbye, you silly fool.
Exeunt
