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Act 2, Scene 2
The Two Gentlemen of Verona Translation Act 2, Scene 3
Enter LANCE, leading a dog
LANCE
Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping; all the kind of the Lances have this very fault. I have received my proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial's court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest-natured dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear: he is a stone, a very pebble stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam, having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. This shoe is my father: no, this left shoe is my father: no, no, this left shoe is my mother: nay, that cannot be so neither: yes, it is so, it is so, it hath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole in it, is my mother, and this my father; a vengeance on't! There 'tis: now, sit, this staff is my sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid: I am the dog: no, the dog is himself, and I am the dog—Oh! The dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so, so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing: now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping: now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on. Now come I to my mother: O, that she could speak now like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why, there 'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down. Now come I to my sister; mark the moan she makes. Now the dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.
LANCE
A lot of time will pass before I stop crying. Everyone from my family—the Lances—suffers from this. I have received my inheritance, like the prodigious son, and am now going to the emperor's court with Sir Proteus. I think that my dog Crab has the sourest nature of all dogs. My mother is sobbing, my father is lamenting, my sister is crying, our servant is crying loudly, our cat wringing her hands to get the water out from all the crying, and all our house is in such a state—yet this cruel-hearted dog didn't cry one tear! He is made of stone, a very rough stone, and has no more pity than a dog. A Jew would have cried to have seen my family say goodbye. Look, even my grandma, who has no eyes, cried herself blind when I was leaving. I'll show you how it happened. This shoe is my father. No, this left shoe is my father. No, no. This left shoe is my mother. No, that can't be correct either. Yet that's how it is, yes. It has a worse sole. This shoe, with the hole in it, is my mother, and this is my father. Damn it! There it is. Now, stay there. This walking stick is my sister because, as you can see, she is as white as a lily and as slim as a stick. This hat is Nan, our servant. I am the dog. No, the dog is himself, and I am the dog...Oh! The dog is me and I am myself. Yes, that's it. Now I come to my father. Father, give me your blessing. Now the shoe couldn't speak a word because it was crying. Now I kiss my father and well, he continues to cry. Now I come to my mother. Oh, if only she could speak now like a mad woman! Well, I kiss her, there it is. This smells like my mother's breath exactly. Now I come to my sister. Note the moan that she makes. Now, the dog doesn't cry a single tear all this time, nor does he speak a word! But look how I make the dust on the ground wet with my own tears.
Enter PANTHINO
PANTHINO
Launce, away, away, aboard! Thy master is shipped and thou art to post after with oars. What's the matter? Why weepest thou, man? Away, ass! You'll lose the tide, if you tarry any longer.
PANTHINO
Lance, go, go! Get on board! Your master is already on the ship, and you are supposed to hurry along and bring some oars. What's the matter? Why are you crying, man? Get out of here, you jackass! You'll lose the tide if you stay here any longer.
LANCE
It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it is theunkindest tied that ever any man tied.
LANCE
It doesn't matter if the tied was lost because it is the unkindest tied that any man ever had.
PANTHINO
What's the unkindest tide?
PANTHINO
What's the unkindest tide?
LANCE
Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.
LANCE
Well, he that's tied here. My dog Crab.
PANTHINO
Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood, and, in losing the flood, lose thy voyage, and, in losing thy voyage, lose thy master, and, in losing thy master, lose thy service, and, in losing thy service,—Why dost thou stop my mouth?
PANTHINO
Oh please, man: I meant that you'll lose the sea's tide. And in losing the tide, you'll miss your voyage. And in missing your voyage, you'll lose your master. And in losing your master you'll lose your employment. And in losing your employment—why are you shutting me up?
LANCE
For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.
LANCE
Because I'm afraid that you'll lose your tongue.
PANTHINO
Where should I lose my tongue?
PANTHINO
Where should I lose my tongue?
LANCE
In thy tale.
LANCE
In your story.
PANTHINO
In thy tail!
PANTHINO
In your tail!
LANCE
Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the service, and the tied! Why, man, if the river were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.
LANCE
Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the employment, and the dog! Indeed, man, if the river were dry, I'd be able to fill it with my tears. If the wind wasn't blowing, I could push the boat with my sighs.
PANTHINO
Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee.
PANTHINO
Come, come away, man. I was sent to call you away.
LANCE
Sir, call me what thou darest.
LANCE
Sir, call me what you like.
PANTHINO
Wilt thou go?
PANTHINO
Will you go?
LANCE
Well, I will go.
LANCE
Well, I will go.
Exeunt
