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Act 5, Scene 3
Troilus and Cressida Translation Act 5, Scene 4
Alarums: excursions. Enter THERSITES
THERSITES
Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that loves the whore there, might send that Greekish whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand. O' the t'other side, the policy of those crafty swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion. Soft! here comes sleeve, and t'other.
THERSITES
Now the two armies are fighting hard, I'll watch them. That lying, detestable crook Diomedes has got the equally awful young Trojan's sleeve on his helmet. Oh I would love to see them fighting and see the young Trojan that loves the whore send the whoring Greek villain to the lying and unfaithful girl without any sleeves at all. On the other side of the battlefield, the tactics of the old mouse Nestor and foxhound Ulysses are as worthless as a blackberry. They had made me set up Ajax against Achilles, but now Ajax is even prouder than Achilles and won't fight today either. Soon the whole Greek army will be uncontrollable, but I must keep quiet, here comes the knight with the sleeve and the other man.
Enter DIOMEDES, TROILUS following
TROILUS
Fly not; for shouldst thou take the river Styx,I would swim after.
TROILUS
Don't flee me. Even if you were crossing the river Styx, I would swim after you.
DIOMEDES
Thou dost miscall retire: I do not fly, but advantageous care Withdrew me from the odds of multitude: Have at thee!
DIOMEDES
You are wrong to say I'm retreating: I wasn't fleeing, bu being careful to withdraw from a place where I was outnumbered, alone in a crowd. Defend yourself! [They fight]
THERSITES
Hold thy whore, Grecian!—now for thy whore,Trojan!—now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
THERSITES
Defend your whore, Greek! Fight for your whore, Trojan! Now fight for the sleeve! The sleeve!
Exeunt TROILUS and DIOMEDES, fighting
Enter HECTOR
HECTOR
What art thou, Greek? art thou for Hector's match?Art thou of blood and honour?
HECTOR
Who are you, Greek? Are you able to fight Hector? Are you brave and noble?
THERSITES
No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:a very filthy rogue.
THERSITES
No, no, I am not a brave man, I am just a sick, unpleasant creature, a dirty rogue.
HECTOR
I do believe thee: live.
HECTOR
I believe you, you may live.
Exit
THERSITES
God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a plague break thy neck for frightening me! What's become of the wenching rogues? I think they have swallowed one another: I would laugh at that miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I'll seek them.
THERSITES
God bless you for believing me, but curse you for scaring me! What's happened to the whoring thugs? Maybe they have eaten each other up, that would be a hilarious sight, although I suppose lust and greed do consume the people they meet. I'll find them.
Exit
