Family and Growing Up Theme Analysis

Yet another difficult aspect of Conor’s story can be found in the way that he is forced to grow up far sooner than he would have if his mother had not gotten sick. Conor’s parents are divorced, and his father lives in America with his new family. Thus, because it’s only Conor and his mother in their household, thirteen-year-old Conor is forced to take on a lot of responsibility when his mother is diagnosed with cancer. Conor is caught between two opposing needs: he realizes that he needs to be responsible for his mother and would rather take care of her than see their family dynamic change, but he also has a desire to remain a child. His family members also treat him in contradictory ways, demonstrating how often a child on the verge of becoming a young adult needs both a feeling of responsibility and a measure of protection and innocence.

At the beginning of the story, Ness demonstrates the many ways in which Conor is forced to grow up and take on responsibility due to the fact that his mother has become incapable of taking care of him. In the opening pages, Conor cleans his own room without prompting, makes breakfast for himself, dresses in his school uniform, and packs his backpack for the day without help. He also puts the dishes in the dishwasher, takes the garbage out, and starts a load of laundry. Ness notes that these are “all things he’d done for himself,” observing how Conor has been forced to become unusually responsible for his age. After the monster visits for the first time, Ness provides another description, this time of Conor’s evening: spreading a blanket over his mother, who had fallen asleep on the couch; doing his homework at the kitchen table; brushing his teeth and putting himself to bed; asking if his mother needs his help when he later hears her throwing up in the bathroom. All of these are small but telling examples of how Conor has had to become self-sufficient, and has had to deal with far more adult responsibilities than most thirteen-year-olds.

Conor’s father also makes it difficult for Conor to be a child because he lives in America with a new family. Thus, Conor is thrust into a more parental role because he has been taking care of his mother alone. Conor’s father is increasingly absent from his life and makes it hard for Conor to go to him as a parental figure. When Conor tries to talk to his father about his mother’s hospitalization, Conor’s father simply says that Conor has to be “brave for her.” Conor’s father effectively pushes him into the role of being the support system for his mother, when it should be the other way around. When Conor and his father are discussing where Conor might live if his mother died, Conor asks to move in with him. But Conor’s father refuses because he says that there is no room for Conor. He suggests Conor live with his grandmother instead, but this is quite harsh on a boy who is already losing one parent. After Conor and his father share a meal, Conor’s dad asks if he wants company that night while his grandmother is visiting his mother in the hospital, to which Conor responds, “I’m fine on my own.” Their interactions ultimately lead Conor to believe he has to grow up and be self-sufficient, even though he is looking to his father for comfort and familiarity.

Yet Conor’s mom is pained that Conor has had to grow up so quickly; she and her mother (Conor’s grandmother) work to help Conor remain a child who can rely on adults for protection and to relieve him of some of his responsibility. When Conor’s mom notes all of the things that Conor has to do on his own, she comments that he is a “very good boy.” But she also wishes Conor “didn’t have to be quite so good,” understanding that Conor has had to act with the generosity of a parent towards her when it should be the other way around. Spurred by this wish, she asks her own mother (Conor’s grandmother) to stay at the house and take care of Conor while she remains weak from her treatments. Conor’s mother is worried that Conor is being forced to mature too quickly because of her sickness. Thus, she tries to retain his innocence by making sure that someone can take care of him. Conor’s grandmother also emphasizes the fact that Conor shouldn’t have to take on the responsibility that he is assuming at such a young age. She criticizes him for wiping down the kitchen counter, saying “thirteen-year-old boys shouldn’t be wiping down counters without being asked to first.” She, too, wants Conor to be able to be a normal, more carefree boy.

Ultimately it is the monster that allows Conor to both grow up and remain a child, which the novel argues is exactly what children Conor’s age need. Throughout the story, Conor feels the impending weight of having to take on more and more responsibility, yet he also wants to be released from that responsibility. After Conor reveals how much weight his mother’s illness presses upon him, Ness describes how Conor “faintly felt the huge hands of the monster pick him up, forming a little nest to hold him.” The monster helps him face adulthood by allowing him to accept his mother’s illness and the fact that she is likely going to die, but the monster also affords him the security of being held. The monster thus does what no member of Conor’s family is able to do: the monster helps Conor grow up as his mother passes by guiding him through the process, while also allowing him to retain his ability to be a child—to be loved and comforted and taken care of.