Kay’s Horse Symbol Analysis

In 1971, as a manic (and in-denial) Kay Redfield Jamison began her doctoral studies in psychology at UCLA, she sought to find a way to weather the increasingly unpredictable cycles of mania and depression which had plagued her throughout her undergraduate studies. Rather than seek the help of a psychiatrist, confide in a friend, family member, or colleague, or admit even to herself that she was in the throes of a terrifying illness, Kay used the money from her fellowship to buy herself a horse. The horse was stubborn, neurotic, and prone to lameness, and though Kay spent lots of money on the horse (as well as lots of time caring for it), she was ultimately forced to sell it, unable to keep up with its costs. The horse, then, is a symbol for Kay’s slow, painful journey toward escaping her denial about her manic-depressive illness—and her need for treatment. Though Kay’s selling of the horse did not coincide directly with her reaching out and seeking help, her failure to be able to care for the horse symbolizes her failure to be able to care for herself, and it compounds the story’s increasing sense of pressure as the Kay of the early 1970s descended further into madness.