Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.: Chapter 19 Summary & Analysis

Margaret is in a terrible mood for the duration of the group project. Her group decides to report on Belgium, which isn’t an exciting country. Philip Leroy turns out to be a horrible worker; he reads comic books and draws funny things in his notebook. Norman Fishbein tries to work, but he’s slow. Laura’s a good worker, but Margaret certainly isn’t going to tell her so.

In the third week, Laura and Margaret plan to work in the library after school. Mom is going to pick Margaret up, while Laura is going to walk to church for Confession. This makes Margaret think. She didn’t know Laura was Catholic, and she wonders if Laura confesses the things she does with boys to the priest. Does Laura go every time she does something bad, or save all her bad deeds up and go once per month? Margaret is so caught up in thinking about Laura that she wouldn’t have said anything under normal circumstances—but Laura started it, so what happened next is Laura’s fault.

Laura whispers to Margaret that she’s not supposed to copy out of the encyclopedia word for word; Mr. Benedict will know she’s copying. Margaret knows the rules, but she’s busy thinking—and who’s Laura to tell her what to do? Margaret says that Laura thinks she’s so great, and says she knows all about how Laura, Moose, and Evan go behind the A&P. Laura is confused, but Margaret says it’s so the boys can touch Laura. Laura stands up and calls Margaret a “filthy liar” and a “little pig.” She runs out of the library, and Margaret follows her. Margaret knows she sounds like Nancy—and suddenly, she realizes that Nancy, Moose, or Evan could have made up the story.

Margaret calls for Laura, but Laura doesn’t stop. When she finally catches up, she says she doesn’t mean that “those things” are wrong, but Laura sniffs that it’s awful that everyone picks on her because she’s developed. Margaret says she didn’t mean to insult Laura, but Laura did start it. Laura says that making fun of her is a game for Margaret and her friends, and she asks if Margaret has ever thought of what it’s like to be the biggest kid in class. Margaret has never considered it, so Laura tells her to think about what it’s like to be laughed at for wearing a bra, or to have boys call her bad names. Margaret apologizes and says that, truthfully, she wishes she looked like Laura. Mumbling that “the wrong ones always confess,” Laura heads for the church.

Margaret wonders if Laura is right—maybe she should confess, too. She follows Laura to the church since Mom won’t come to pick her up for another half hour. Once Laura’s inside, Margaret tiptoes into the church. It’s silent inside. After a while, Margaret sees Laura come out of a small door. It didn’t take her long to confess. Margaret feels weird. Once Laura is out of the church, Margaret goes to the door Laura just came out of. She wonders what’s inside. It looks a bit like a phone booth, so Margaret steps in and sits. She’s not sure what to do.

After a minute, a voice says, “Yes, my child.” Margaret thinks it’s God and she starts to sweat and feel dizzy—but then she realizes the priest is in a booth next to hers. He can’t see her. He asks again, but Margaret apologizes and races out of the church. She walks back to school feeling ready to vomit and climbs into Mom’s car. She tells Mom she feels ill and, because of this, she doesn’t have to tell Mom what she did and how horrible she was.

Mom brings Margaret soup in bed later and tells Margaret she doesn’t have to go to school tomorrow. Once Mom is gone, Margaret tells God that she did something horrible: she picked on Laura, just because she felt mean. She asks God why he let her do it and says that she’s been looking for him everywhere—in temple, in church, and during confession. But he’s never there; Margaret doesn’t feel him like she does when she talks to him at night. She asks why she only feels him when she’s by herself.