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Chapter 20
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret., which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Puberty
Friendship, Fitting In, and Social Pressure
Religion
Family Conflict
Summary
Analysis
Mom spends the week frantically cleaning the house while Margaret hopes for a telegram announcing that Grandmother and Grandfather aren’t coming. God can’t really intend to punish her for the entirety of spring vacation. Over dinner, Mom tells Margaret to cheer up, and Margaret asks why she’s excited that her parents are coming. Mom explains that she wants to show her parents that she’s doing just fine. Dad notes that it’s unfair to expect Margaret to be excited after having her Florida trip canceled. Mom admits that she hasn’t forgiven her parents and never will, but she asks that both Dad and Margaret try to understand. Mom has never made this request before. Both Margaret and Dad agree.
Mom seems to want to show her parents that she didn’t need their approval then, and she doesn’t need it now, either—but the door is open if they’re willing to treat her kindly. In particular, saying that she’s never going to forgive her parents shows that there’s always going to be conflict in this part of the family. It’s a mark of Margaret’s maturity that she recognizes that Mom is asking her to understand. She also agrees to try, something that will help her develop empathy.
Themes
On April fifth, Margaret accompanies Mom to the airport. On the drive there, Mom tells Margaret that 14 years ago, her parents did what they thought was right, even though it was actually cruel. Margaret recognizes Grandmother and Grandfather right away. Grandmother is wearing “old lady shoes.” They soon recognize Mom and greet her with short hugs. Then, Grandmother leans down to hug Margaret, but Margaret notices a huge cross around her neck and recoils.
With her “old lady shoes,” Grandmother contrasts with fashionable Grandma in Margaret’s view. When Margaret recoils at Grandmother’s cross necklace, she seems to be responding to Grandmother’s proudly secure religious beliefs (in contrast to her own lack of them). She also seems to associate the cross with the way Grandmother hurt Mom.
Themes
Dad meets them at the door when they get home. Grandmother and Grandfather greet Dad politely, and seeing Dad’s expression, Margaret realizes this is harder for him than it is for her. Mom makes a fancy dinner that night and hires a woman to wash dishes. She also wears a fancy dress. Grandmother puts on a new dress, too, but she keeps her cross necklace. Conversation is stilted at dinner, but Margaret still uses her best manners. Over dessert, Mom says she’s ordering new living room furniture. Margaret knows this is a lie, but she doesn’t say anything.
Again, as Margaret realizes how hard this must be for Dad, she works on being empathetic and thinking of others rather than just herself. When Margaret notices that Mom hired help and put on a fancy dress, she sees that Mom is doing everything she can to impress her parents. When Margaret makes sure to use her best manners and also keeps Mom’s secret about the furniture, it shows how loyal she is to Mom—she’s not going to purposefully embarrass her or thwart Mom’s efforts with her parents.
Themes
After dinner, everyone moves to the den. Grandfather and Dad discuss investing and the insurance business, while Grandmother tells Mom about Mom’s brother in California. When Mom goes to pay the lady in the kitchen, Grandmother asks Margaret if she does well in school and Sunday school. Margaret says she doesn’t go to Sunday school. Mom returns to the den and reminds her parents that they don’t practice any religion. Margaret knows this isn’t going to go well and wants to leave, but she feels stuck to her chair.
Margaret is well aware that her parents’ issues with Grandmother and Grandfather have to do with religion. So in this passage, identifying with any one religion starts to seem unappealing—religion is, after all, why Mom and her parents haven’t spoken in 14 years. Though Margaret doesn’t think so far ahead, this suggests that choosing a religion might not yield the results Margaret wants. In fact, it might distance her from her parents.
Themes
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Grandfather says that he’d hoped Mom would’ve changed her mind about religion, and Grandmother says that Margaret needs religion. Dad suggests they not get into a “philosophical discussion,” and Mom says they’re letting Margaret choose a religion when she’s an adult. Grandmother and Grandfather insist this is nonsense; people are born into religions. After a moment, Grandmother announces that Margaret is a Christian. Religion is passed through the maternal line. It’s simple. Dad growls that Margaret is nothing.
This argument is about religion, but it’s also about whether Grandmother and Grandfather are willing to accept their adult daughter’s choices about her own daughter. Grandmother shows clearly that she isn’t willing to respect Mom and Dad when she insists that Margaret is a Christian, without asking Mom or consulting Margaret.
Themes
Margaret hates that the adults are talking about her like she’s not a real person. Grandmother turns to Margaret and offers to take her to church while she’s visiting, but Margaret leaps up and tells everyone to stop. She says she doesn’t need religion or God and then runs to her room. Margaret vows to never talk to God again. She’s through with him, and she’s never going to join the Y or the Jewish Community Center.
The argument between Margaret’s parents and grandparents is dehumanizing for Margaret. She knows she can make her own decisions, and she’s been trying for months to do so. Now, it seems to Margaret like Mom and Dad had the right idea. Religion, from Margaret’s perspective, drives wedges between people—and it doesn’t seem worth it to choose one just to fit in. Even talking to God now feels painful instead of comforting.
Themes
