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Chapter 19
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in It Ends with Us, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Cycles of Abuse
Naked Truths
Good and Evil
Chosen Family
Summary
Analysis
The next morning, Lily gets up early to go to the store to get a phone to replace the one Ryle destroyed. When she leaves the apartment, she finds Ryle asleep in the doorway. He wakes up and starts apologizing. She ignores him, but he follows her to the car. He begs her to talk to him; she drives away without saying a word. When Lily finally gets to work after getting her phone, she finds Ryle sitting there with Allysa, who is holding his hands. Allysa is horrified when she sees Lily’s face. She turns back to Ryle and insists that he has to tell Lily the truth. She asks Lily in turn to hear him out, even if she can’t forgive him.
Ryle does his best to show Lily he is sorry, but she succeeds in hardening herself to his attempts at reconciliation—until Allysa steps in. Allysa, who has become Lily’s best friend, has the power to break through Lily’s resolve. To Allysa’s credit, she doesn’t try to convince Lily to stay with Ryle against her better judgment. For the love of her brother, however, she wants Lily to understand the full picture—the whole brutal truth underlying Ryle’s anger.
Themes
Lily agrees to meet Ryle back at home. When he arrives, he asks her if she remembers the patient told her about the night they met and how angry he was. She tells him she remembers it was a little boy who was shot by his younger brother. Ryle reminds her that he also said that the shooting would ruin the living brother’s life. He knew that, he explains, because it’s exactly how his older brother Emerson died—Ryle accidentally shot him. Allysa had been there too, and no one could hear them calling for help. While they waited, Ryle had been trying to fix the damage he had done, not realizing it was futile. It was that experience that compelled him to train as a neurosurgeon.
Though nothing justifies abusive behavior, this new information does help to contextualize Ryle’s violence. Many of his main characteristics prove to be linked to his brother’s death, including his emotional instability and his nearly compulsive professional drive. This piece of Ryle’s history illuminates his and Allysa’s relationship as well; their shared trauma bonded them closely. Allysa possesses keen empathy for her brother because of the accident, but she is also aware of how his role in his brother’s death damaged him in ways he can never heal from.
Themes
Despite her anger at Ryle, Lily can’t help but comfort him. Ryle explains that he’s not trying to excuse his behavior; he only wants to give her the reason he sometimes blacks out when he is angry and does things he doesn’t mean to. Ryle cries while Lily holds him. He apologizes again for hurting her, and the self-hatred Lily hears in his voice wounds her. She is torn. She promised herself she’d never be like her mother and let the person she loves abuse her. She hates that Ryle’s story makes her want to justify his behavior. Lily goes to the bathroom so she can have space to think.
Ryle’s emotions after sharing with Lily may be earnest, but that doesn’t mean they are fair. The magnitude of his confession—and his pain—completely overshadow what Lily has experienced at his hand; she is compelled to comfort him when she is the one who most deserves comfort. Lily has the self-awareness to see this happening. She knows that even though she has empathy for Ryle’s truth, she must stand up for herself. But she also feels the burden his pain wearing at her resolve.
Themes
In the bathroom, Lily realizes that Ryle’s guilt and trauma compel her to forgive him. Lily is afraid of repeating her mother’s choices, but she tells herself that Ryle isn’t like her father in most ways. She no longer wants to compare them, especially since Ryle is trying to get better. When she goes back out to talk to him, she reminds him of the other thing he said that night; no one is fully good or bad. She assures him that he isn’t all bad because he messed up, but he does need to figure out how to ask for help and space when his emotions flair. They agree to stay together.
Ultimately, staying together requires selflessness on Lily’s part. She loves Ryle, so she works to hold a nuanced view of her husband where both good and bad can exist within him. In order to keep loving Ryle, she lets go of her justified anger at him and tries to separate her childhood trauma from her present situation. On top of shifting her own perspective, she also agrees to help Ryle learn to cope with his unpredictable emotions. Ryle, on the other hand, is not making these kinds of sacrifices for Lily. He isn’t bending over backward to empathize with her. He doesn’t silence his own trauma in order to help Lily deal with hers. Though Lily is the victim, she ends up putting in the majority of the effort it will take for them to make things work.
Themes
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