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Chapter 31
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in It Ends with Us, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Cycles of Abuse
Naked Truths
Good and Evil
Chosen Family
Summary
Analysis
Lily is excited to tell her mother about her pregnancy, but she is scared to explain everything that happened with Ryle. Lily is uncertain how her mother will react, given how much she loves Ryle. If she tries to convince Lily to forgive him, Lily doesn’t know if she’ll be able to push back. Usually, Lily’s anger toward her husband strengthens her. On other days, her longing for him is so intense that her resolve falters. She hopes that after confiding in her mother, her mother may be able to help her on the days she doesn’t feel strong.
Because Lily is dealing with such complex and conflicting emotions—while dealing with pregnancy hormones no less—she understands that her resolve to leave Ryle is fragile. She is working to undo the isolation that Ryle’s abuse caused and gain as much support as she can, though she knows that sharing her truth can also open her up to criticism that might undermine her conviction.
Themes
When Lily arrives at her mother’s house, she’s surprised to hear that she has her own news to share with Lily. She tells her that she has started seeing someone. Lily wants to congratulate her, but she is worried her mother is seeing another man like her father. Her mom promises that he is a good person, and Lily believes her. She tells her mother that she’s excited to meet him, and her mom responds that he could come over to join them if Lily wants. Lily explains that tonight may not be the best night.
It is significant that Lily’s mother has found love once more. Because Lily continues to compare herself to her mother—sometimes to ill and other times positive effect—her mother’s ability to heal from her own abuse models how Lily herself can recover from her current situation.
Themes
Lily takes off the jacket hiding her belly. Her mother is thrilled, though she comments that she is shocked at how soon Lily got pregnant. Lily responds that it was shocking to her, too. Her mom notices that she does not seem happy and asks what’s going on. Lily cries, and then she tells her mother the truth about the abuse. She confides in her mother all her fears about the baby and the decision she has to make about Ryle. Lily’s mother asks Lily if she wants to stay with Ryle, and Lily says honestly that she doesn’t know. Her mother tells her she understands, but she encourages Lily to know her limit and not push past it.
Unlike anyone else Lily has confided in, Lily’s mother pauses after Lily is done sharing to ask Lily what she wants. To other people, the choice seems obvious. However, Lily’s mother knows as a survivor of domestic abuse that neither leaving nor staying is easy or foolproof. Either way, there is significant potential for further hurt. Instead of pushing her one way or the other, Lily’s mother simply challenges her daughter to decide what she wants and honor that decision.
Themes
Lily’s mother explains that when she was first married, she thought she would never let anyone hurt her. Yet over the years, as Lily’s father’s abuse escalated, she pushed further and further beyond what she thought she’d never allow. Before she knew it, she was too far past any hard limit she could stick too. There was always a logical reason to forgive him. She begs Lily not to do what she did, no matter how much she and Ryle may love each other. If Ryle loved her selflessly, her mother argues, he’ll let her go.
Lily’s mother’s explanation of how abuse unfolded in her own marriage shows what happens when you know your own mind by don’t stick firmly to your convictions. Compromising yourself little by little over a lifetime can amount to a full loss of identity. A true, selfless love would never require a loved one to betray their own selfhood; it is clear to Lily that staying with Ryle would require this kind of sacrifice.
Themes
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Lily understands that she’s been wrong about her mother—her mother was never weak. Lily tells her mother that she admires her for her strength. In response, Lily’s mother asks if Lily remembers the eulogy she gave for her father. Lily nods. Her mom tells her that she always knew the pause at the end was intentional. She knew Lily stopped talking because she couldn’t say anything complimentary about her father, and it made her so proud. She thanks Lily for standing up for her and encourages her to stand up for herself now, too.
Lily learns that confiding in others invites them to reciprocate, and that is how true understanding develops between people. In talking to her mother more openly than ever before, Lily sees that her assumptions and judgments about her mom were incorrect. She had always seen Lily’s strength even if she didn’t communicate it, and now Lily is able to see her mother’s strength, too.
Themes
