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I Pledge Allegiance to the Bag
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Me Talk Pretty One Day, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Identity and Insecurity
Humor, Commentary, and Observation
Class and Belonging
Family, Love, and Support
Summary
Analysis
On a hot July day in Paris, Sedaris and Hugh board the metro. It’s cramped, and Sedaris is annoyed to see two Americans wrapping their arms around a pole, making it difficult for others to hold. Nonetheless, Sedaris reaches between them and grabs the pole, at which point the man turns to his partner and says, “Peeeeew, can you smell that? That is pure French, baby.” Going on, he refers to Sedaris as a “froggy,” assuming that he’s French and can’t understand English. In response, the woman with him asks if all French people smell like this, and he confidently informs her that it’s fairly common, adding that he would bet Sedaris hasn’t showered for two weeks. Sedaris knows that many American tourists assume that nobody can speak English when, in reality, almost everyone in Paris does. Unaware of this, these Americans have no problem speaking insultingly about him.
Once again, Sedaris encounters American arrogance in Paris. This time, though, he is put in the position of a French person, effectively gaining the opportunity to step outside of his own perspective as an American. Needless to say, this doesn’t inspire fantastic amounts of patriotism, since these two people speak so ignorantly and rudely without even stopping to consider the fact that the people around them can probably understand them. As a result, Sedaris gets to feel superior to them by assuming a French identity while also having to contend with the unfortunate reality that they represent his home country in a very unfortunate way.
Themes
Sedaris overhears that the man’s name is Martin and the woman’s name is Carol. He is suddenly glad that—because Martin used the offensive term “froggy” and insulted his body odor—he has the right to hate him. Continuing to listen, he hears Martin talking proudly about how he’s going to show Carol what he calls “my Paris,” saying that he’ll take her to the Louvre (which he mispronounces). Hearing this, Sedaris realizes that “an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American”—a realization he has based on the fact that he suddenly feels very strongly that Martin and Carol should be shipped back to the United States, “preferably in chains.” Having this thought, he’s forced to acknowledge that he is being pretentious, and this makes him hate Martin and Carol even more.
Sedaris relishes any opportunity to cast judgment on people he thinks are unreasonable or aggravating. This is why he is happy that he heard Martin insult him, since this gives him license to dislike him. In doing so, he allows himself to feel a sense of superiority, thereby minimizing the insecurity he often experiences. However, Sedaris is also extremely self-aware, and this ultimately works against his efforts to think of himself as better than Martin and Carol. Indeed, he recognizes that his disdain for Martin and Carol isn’t just due to the fact that Martin insulted him—it’s also related to the way Sedaris feels about American tourists in Paris. Thinking this way, he actively wants to put himself above his fellow Americans, and this—he knows—means that he’s pretentious. Instead of holding himself responsible for this character flaw, though, he holds it against Martin and Carol.
Themes
As Sedaris adjusts his hand on the pole, Martin tells Carol to watch out for her wallet, saying that Sedaris is trying to steal it. Carol moves her wallet as Martin explains that Sedaris is clearly a pickpocket who rides the trains with a partner in crime, somebody who must be lurking at the other end of the train. Right when Sedaris makes his move, his partner will swoop in and create a distraction. This, Martin claims, is a common scheme. As he speaks this way, Sedaris fantasizes about saying something to him in perfect English, picturing the embarrassed look that would appear on Martin’s face. However, he doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want Martin to apologize, worried he’d be expected to forgive him. Instead, he just listens to Martin say that, if he hadn’t intervened, Sedaris would probably be “halfway to Timbuktu” with Carol’s wallet by now.
Martin’s worries about Sedaris underscore his distrust of French people and frame him as a narrowminded person who thinks that anyone who isn’t American is a possible threat. Of course, readers know that Sedaris isn’t threatening at all, but Martin can’t see past what he thinks is Sedaris’s identity as a non-American. In turn, Sedaris spotlights the ways in which people—and, unfortunately, many Americans—make assumptions about others based on uninformed ideas about what it means to be from a different culture.
Themes
The train gets closer and closer to Sedaris’s stop. Still listening, he hears Martin continue to rant about how much he hates pickpockets, saying, “I mean, where’s a policioni when you need one?” This confounds Sedaris, who wonders where, exactly, Martin thinks he is. He then imagines Martin waving down a police officer and saying, “That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!” Wanting to hear Martin say something stupid like this, Sedaris hatches a plan. As the doors open and he and Hugh depart, he will reach into Hugh’s back pocket and take his wallet, sending Martin into a fit. When Martin hails a police officer, Sedaris will make him look like an idiot, saying, “I think he’s drunk. Look at how his face is swollen.”
Martin demonstrates the depths of his ignorance when he uses the word “policioni,” which is not a French word. In fact, the word sounds more Italian than French, though it’s not even the Italian word for “police.” Emboldened by Martin’s lack of cultural knowledge, Sedaris fantasizes about making him feel ridiculous. Furthermore, it’s worth noting that Sedaris looks forward to saying, “Look at how his face is swollen,” a phrase that would make use of one of the strange and mostly useless French phrases he mastered when he was first starting to learn French—a reminder that he himself isn’t quite as immersed in French culture as he might like to think.
Themes
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As Sedaris rehearses his plan in his head, Hugh comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder to make sure he knows their stop is coming up. Instantly, Sedaris’s plan is ruined, as Martin turns to Carol and says that Hugh must be Sedaris’s partner in crime. With nothing else to do, Sedaris thinks back to a time he was riding the train with his sister Amy in Chicago. She got off before him, and right as the doors were closing, she yelled, “So long, David. Good luck beating that rape charge.” All of a sudden, everyone in the train was staring at him in disgust, and though he tried to explain that Amy was just joking around, anything he said only made him sound even more guilty. This is the kind of thing Sedaris would like to do to Martin.
When Hugh comes up to Sedaris, it becomes impossible for Sedaris to successfully execute his plan. As a result, he has no way of making Martin feel stupid or uncomfortable. This disappoints him because he loves the idea of putting Martin in his place, ultimately wanting to demonstrate just how little Martin truly knows about daily life in Paris. Unable to do this, though, he’s left thinking about his sister’s quick wit, feeling comparatively uninventive. In this way, then, his feelings of inadequacy once more rise to the forefront of Me Talk Pretty One Day.
Themes
Because Sedaris isn’t as quick witted as Amy, he can’t think of anything damning to say about Martin before leaving the train. As a result, he knows Martin will return to the United States to tell the story of how he saved Carol from a pickpocket. At the same time, Sedaris at least appreciates that he got the chance to step into a different identity, inhabiting the persona of a frightening pickpocket, somebody who snatches wallets and runs away. As he walks out of the train, he notices Martin curling up his fists in preparation and Carol holding her wallet tight to her chest. Stepping onto the platform, Sedaris no longer feels like an American in Paris with his boyfriend, but like a dangerous criminal who is already “halfway to Timbuktu.”
Sedaris doesn’t get to make Martin feel stupid, but he does get to experience a shift in his own identity—or, at least, a shift in the way other people see him. Interestingly enough, this is not the first time he has enjoyed the idea of someone fearing him. When he worked as a mover, he loved that he could throw a dolly on the ground with a little extra force and suddenly frighten his clients into thinking of him as a menacing person. Similarly, he now welcomes Martin and Carol’s uninformed ideas about him, feeling powerful in a way he doesn’t normally feel.
Themes
