Minor Characters
Ivan
Ivan works as a professional mover with Sedaris. A Russian immigrant who takes medication for schizophrenia, he—like Richie—has an uncanny ability to help movers make decisions about where they should place their furniture in their new apartments.
Lyle
A folksinger who lives in Queens, Lyle works as a professional mover with Sedaris.
Dave Brubeck
Dave Brubeck was a famous American jazz pianist. A jazz enthusiast, Lou Sedaris takes Sedaris, Lisa, and Gretchen to see Brubeck perform in North Carolina—an experience that inspires him to force his children to learn instruments so they can form a family band.
Billie Holiday
Billie Holiday was a famous American jazz vocalist. Sedaris admires her voice and dreams of one day singing commercial jingles in her style. This is Sedaris’s only musical aspiration, but his father forces him to take guitar lessons with a man named Mr. Mancini instead.
Mädchen I
Mädchen is the name of a German Shepard that the Sedarises own while living in Raleigh, North Carolina. When Mädchen dies and Lou Sedaris brings home a new German Shepard, they start referring to the first dog as Mädchen I, since they name the second dog Mädchen II.
Mädchen II
Mädchen II is the name of the second German Shepard that the Sedarises own while living in Raleigh, North Carolina. Whenever Mädchen II does something bad, the Sedarises chastise her by saying that Mädchen I would never have done such a thing.
Melina
Melina is the Great Dane that Sedaris’s parents own after their children have moved out. A large dog, Melina is Lou Sedaris’s pride and joy—a fact that sometimes disconcerts Sedaris, who suspects that his parents care more about Melina than about him.
Neil
Neil is the female cat Sedaris owns while living in Chicago.
Sophie
Sophie is the Great Dane that Lou Sedaris brings home to replace Melina after Melina dies. Although Lou loved Melina, he is exhausted by Sophie and quickly realizes that he made a mistake by getting a new dog right after Melina’s death.
Amy Sedaris
David's sister. Amy is beloved by Lou in part because she is beautiful, but Amy herself is uninterested in such things. She is quick-witted and a prankster, and she often introduces David to new things or new ways of encountering the world.