Me Talk Pretty One Day: The Tapeworm Is In Summary & Analysis

Before living in Paris, Sedaris takes a French class in which his teacher has him and his fellow students listen to cassette tapes of people speaking French. In these tapes, innocent and boring young people have uncomplicated conversations about where to eat or about the things they like. Sedaris has never been the type of person to use a Walkman, but he’s surprised to find how much he enjoys listening to this tape while walking through the streets of New York City. Later, in Paris, he continues to walk through the city wearing the Walkman. This is mainly because he has nothing better to do, since he doesn’t like going out with his classmates, all of whom are too young and enthusiastic (which makes him feel old and out of place).

Walking through Paris with his Walkman, Sedaris listens to books on tape. The books are in English, and though he doesn’t necessarily like them, he enjoys the feeling of having something to listen to as he goes through the city. When he finishes these, he tries to find tapes that are in French but discovers that books like Fontaine’s Fables are too difficult for him to enjoy. Fortunately for him, though, his sister Amy sends him an “audio walking tour of Paris,” along with a book called Pocket Medical French, which is a small phrasebook that comes with a tape intended to teach English-speaking doctors how to pronounce medical terms. At first, he listens to the walking tour and learns interesting things about his neighborhood (like that people used to get burned alive near his apartment), but then he switches to Pocket Medical French.

Listening to Pocket Medical French, Sedaris learns how to say things like, “Remove your dentures and all of your jewelry,” and “You now need to deliver the afterbirth.” Of course, he hasn’t yet had occasion to actually use any of these phrases, but listening to the cassette makes him feel as if he’ll one day be able to walk through Paris without his Walkman and consort with passersby in perfect French. With this in mind, he imagines himself drinking champagne at a party and turning to his host and asking if he has “noticed any unusual discharge.” Or, while boarding a yacht, he might look at a young countess and say, “We need to start an IV. But first could I trouble you for a stool sample?” Until then, though, he notes that readers might find him walking through Paris and muttering, “Has anything else been inserted into your anus?”