Colonial Violence Theme Analysis

Like lines on a map
slashing hills and creeks
ridges and plains
rocks and spinifex

Old people laughed
when Mum told them
about the Boss’s paper map

Grandpa Mick shook his head
Hills won’t move for a line
Trees won’t bend for a line

Granny Rosy flicked her hand
Pah – inside the lines
Outside the lines
It’s all our country!

But here I am
Trapped by lines
walls
window
door
shadows on the moonlit floor

Fencing me in
Cutting me off
Slicing me away

Making me cry
cry
cry
for home

Policeman yanks my chin up
Look at me!
No tricks
do you hear me?

I – will – not – look – at – him

If I look
I hear myself screaming
to be let out of the store room
hear Aunty Adie begging
hear policeman telling Boss
Thank you for confining this child

He straightens up
About time!

My heart jumps

Mum?

I watch the waves rise
heave
fall

Salty spray
clings to my skin
like a damp blanket

Slowly
slowly
slowly
the big saltwater
swallows the land

I spin round and round
crying for land
crying for home

How will Mum find me?
No tracks in the sea

How will I find her?
No signs to follow home

This last story is my favourite
It is about a man named Jonah
who is flung into the sea
and swallowed by a whale

Reverend rests the bible on his knees
stretches his arms wide
A whale is like a giant fish

He loves the story so much
he starts to read it again

I slip my hands
under my curls
cover my ears
block his whining voice

I am not listening
In my head
I’m someplace else

I hear the crack of flaming wood
smell smoky campfire burning
lean against Mum’s knee
listen to grannies tell stories

In my head
I’m home

I don’t want to stay on the ship
but
I don’t want to leave either

What’s wrong with me?

I hear Mum’s voice in my head
Be strong

When I am upset
Mum always says
Be strong
just like I know you are

I take a shuddery gulp
Tell myself – be strong

Reverend pulls me along

I breathe deeper
pretend I am bigger
taller
older
I walk like I’m not afraid
like I am brave

I open my eyes
wrinkle my nose
Pooh this place stinks

Toilet’s full
Janey says
Gets right up ya nose, huh?
But boys’ place stinks worse!

Glad I’m not a boy

I squeeze my hands
round my toes
So cold
It’s like there’s no blood in them

Janey pinches my shoulder
I fling out a slap
but she ducks away
giggling

Not allowed to sleep in
Freezin’ cold
but ya gotta get up!

Itchy bites dot my arm
Ha, ha!
Mattress bugs got you good, new girl!

Teacher gives a sharp smile
Very good, Annie!
There is one more thing
we only speak English here
English is the language of kings
She bends closer
We never speak native gibberish
Her glasses slide down her nose
Not ever!

She pushes her glasses back
Janey will tell you what happens
if you speak the native tongue
Won’t you, Janey?

Janey speaks so loud
everyone hears
You get whacked, Annie!

Laugher spills out from the other kids

Silence!
Teacher snaps
Her angry look sweeps the room

No laughter now

Hmph
says Teacher
Annie looks too wild to be in school
Help her comb her hair
flatten it down
This is not the bush!

I don’t want flat hair like Teacher!

And Janey
make sure Annie
does her after-school jobs properly
If she doesn’t get them right
she must do them again
The sooner she gets used to the routine here
the better

Yes, Teacher

Outside
Janey says
You like school?

Teacher hates my language
Teacher hates my hair
I can’t read
I can’t write

I shake my head

Janey sighs
Me neither
I like writin’ stories and singin’ songs
Sums make me brain hurt
Everythin’ else makes me tire
Come on, we got jobs!

You missin’ her bad, huh?
I cried when I came here
They sent my cousins someplace else
Thought I was alone
till I saw Tim
Knew he was my lost brother
just knew it!
Tim was a sick baby
Mum took him to the hospital
went back to get him
He was gone!
Where is he?
Mum kept cryin’
Where’s my boy?
She was still cryin’ for Tim
when they grabbed me
Reckon she’s cryin’
for both of us now

[…]

Tim was a fat baby
bein’ sick shrunk him
He looks like a little fella
but he’s only two years younger

Janey pokes out her tongue at Tim
Hey, you lucky to have me
watchin’ out for you!

Tim pulls a face

Janey whispers
Listen, Annie
I got to tell ya bad news
You hopin’ your mum will come
and get you, huh?

I sit still as stone

But she can’t come, Annie

How does Janey know?
She doesn’t know my mum

Your mum wants to come
Mums always miss kids
But she dunno where you are
and she dunno your new name
Will your mum ask for Annie?

My throat goes tight
Mum doesn’t know anyone
called Annie

Policeman won’t tell her where you are
Policeman won’t tell her your new name

Janey is right
[…]

Government people
got lotsa secrets, Annie
But I got me own secrets!
I know stuff from before
Know where me country is
Know some of me language
I don’t talk it here
Got too many
whacks round the earhole!

And guess what?
Me skull’s got freckles!
Come out, Annie
I’ll check your skull
for freckles

Who cares about freckles?

Nancy says
Leave her alone, Janey
You know what it’s like!

I hear Janey’s bed squeak
as she lies down
You be okay, Annie
Promise!

I am too sad to eat bread and berries

Eatin’ makes you tougher
Janey says
You got to get tougher, Annie

Nuh, Janey
says Nancy
Teacher got it in for her now
Be watchin’ for a chance
to have another go
Annie got to talk

But I can’t talk

Sometimes
I feel my voice
rattling inside me
like a trapped thing
trying to get out

My voice got lost
when bully boots policeman
took me from the station

Don’t know when it will come back

Janey laughs
then winces in pain
I got them glasses
real sweaty and foggy
When Teacher yelled
at me to give ’em back
I dropped the stinky things
right into her hands

Shoulda seen her face
thought she might spew
You reckon she wear
them mucky things now?

Nancy laughs
You a smart little sou’wester!

Janey is smart
Tough too
But Janey is hurting
I pick up my blanket
I lay it softly over her

Janey groans
What Teacher gunna do without glasses?
Told ya I’d make her pay, Annie!

Stand straight
with your arms down
Now, repeat after me
Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go

So many english words
to say
all at once

I stutter and stumble
through the words
and when I get
to the last line
I get it wrong and say
the ham was sure to glow

The other kids bust out laughing

Teacher whacks me
but the edge misses

Tomorrow
we will do this again
We will do it every day
until you can say it perfectly

She shrugs
Government don’t like our family
Don’t like Annie’s family
or Nancy’s
That’s why they took us
to make us forget our families
to make us forget our country
to make us what they want

I won’t be what they want
’specially not on the inside

Grandpa told me
our people been in our country
forever

This is your home place, my girl
Your heart place
You remember that

My heart tells me
it’s the same
for Janey and Tim’s family
same for Nancy
same for all the kids here

Tim says
I won’t forget, sis

Can’t forget yourself!
says Janey

We all laugh

But I’m still not the Annie
they want me to be
They call me Annie
I answer to Annie
but they don’t know
who I really am

They don’t know Janey
Tim
Nancy
Emmy
Dot

Inside
we are all secrets
dreaming secret dreams
of another life

My language name
is still hiding
When I go home
and see Mum
it will spring out
like a seed sprouting
Till then it’s a secret

Me on the inside
is a secret
to the outside world

Only way to stay safe
form the world of this place
World of school
work
bossing
World of forgetting
World I don’t understand

I am like Janey
I keep my secrets hidden

I wake to see Janey
standing by my bed

I rub my eyes
Is she really here?

Janey?
I smile at her
You come back?

Janey stares past me
past the other girls
past the walls
of the locked sleeping room

I jump out of bed
You cold?

Annie, I’m a good big sister, huh?

Yeah, Janey!

Janey smiles like the sun

Nurse finds me and Tim
crying in the crying tree

She kneels
opens her mouth
closes it
shakes her head

I am sorry
Janey’s illness
stole her away
I wish I had let you see her
I didn’t want you to get sick

Her voice is kind
but her thinking is crooked
If we could sit with Janey
if we could make her smile
we wouldn’t care if we got sick

A kookaburra calls

KOO – KOO – KAA – KAA

The bird skims the treetops
swoops low over me and Tim
soars away

Tim’s eyes go big
Janey loved kookaburras
They special to her
like mudlarks are special to me
What you think, Annie?
Is sister flyin’ home?

Tears stream down my cheeks
Yeah, Tim
she’s gone home

We gaze after the kookaburra

You know what, Annie?
Someday
I’ll grow me own feathers
Fly home to Mum and Dad
and Granny Alice
like Janey wanted

I give Tim a shaky smile

If birds have wings
so do songs

Tonight
when all the girls are sleeping
I will send a song
on the moonlight
to my mum