Feeling vs. Numbness Theme Analysis

Grief

Grieving

Sorrow

Loss

Death

Pain

Distress

Lament

Mourn

Emptiness

Despair

Lonely

Regret

Misfortune

Guilt

Passion

Love

Absence

Desolate

Nothing

Nothing

I feel... Nothing

The Woman lights up a wad of eucalypt leaves and watches them burn. She blows out the flame and as the embers smoke she sings a song for the spirits of those that have gone before her and asks permission to tell the story of her grief.

I miss my grandmother. She took so many stories with her to the grave. Stories of her life, our traditions, our heritage from her now gone. I resent that.

But this suitcase, which resides under the old stereo tightly fastened, lies flat on the floor comfortably out of reach. Safe from inquisitive hands or an accidental glance. In the suitcase lies the photos of those who are dead, the nameless ones. With an unspoken gesture we remove the photo of my nana from her commanding position on the wall and quietly slip her beneath the walnut finish. And without a sound push her into the shadow.

The Woman walks over to the grave and embraces the block of ice. Springing away, she turns to the audience and clutches her breast.

THE WOMAN: Oh my sousou.

The Woman sits on the edge of the grave.

I’m trying to deal with Dad’s death. He hasn’t died yet, but the time is coming soon when he’ll be taken away.

They come in the front door
Smiling
Offering gifts.
I invited them in, they demanded respect.
They sat in my father's seat
And talked to me of things that made no sense.
I nodded. Listened. Gave them my ear
As I was always taught to.

Thinking that tomorrow will be a better day, I go to bed. Kicking that sniffer dog out. Still with the sound of sirens in my head. Snuggling up to my doona and pillow. Morning comes, I wake up, looking in the mirror. Nice hair, beautiful black skin, white shiny teeth. I'M STILL BLACK! NUNNA!

I drive Aunty Grace out to the cemetery on our way to the airport. She doesn't have much luggage, there is plenty of room but no one from the family comes to see her off. I wait in the car while she goes out to the freshly turned soil of Nana’s grave. She is there for such a long time, I think we are going to be late. Finally she returns to the car, opens the back door and removes a suitcase. She opens it and proceeds to throw the contents all over the ground, everything. […] Crying, at last, crying.

The ambulance got there and they had to pump needles into him, they were pounding his chest, giving mouth-to-mouth, whilst the others stood back and watched. They took him to the Royal Brisbane Hospital, pounding and pushing his limp body.

The Woman returns to the written word.

The resuscitation attempts were unsuccessful and at 7.13 p.m. he was pronounced dead.

‘Defiant Aboriginal March’
‘Aboriginal March, Traffic Stopper’

No one said that about the fucken Santa Parade the week before!

The Woman paints herself as if preparing for war. Though her movements are restricted her voice assails the audience with a sense of all-encompassing sorrow. She takes the suitcase, opens it, throwing the red earth and family photos it contains all over the floor. The Woman grieves over the photographs.

You know there has always been this grieving,
Grieving for our land, our families.
Our cultures that have been denied us.
But we have been taught to cry quietly
Where only our eyes betray us with tears.
But now, we can no longer wait,
I am scared my heart is hardening.
I fear I can no longer grieve
I am so full and know my capacity for grief

The Woman places the suitcase down at the feet of the audience.

The Woman walks into a pool of light. She stands, face uplifted, as if in gentle rain.

THE WOMAN: Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

I feel Nothing

The Woman finally leaves.