Bella believes at this point that she’s never going to see Edward again, since she’s sure she’s going to die in the ballet studio with James. By choosing to meet James, she’s prioritizing her mother’s life over her own life, her mother’s life over her own happiness. But this, of course, doesn’t mean that Bella doesn’t still love Edward and want to be with him. In her own mind, she can escape somewhere happier and think of how things could be had she been able to make other choices.