Memory and Grief Theme Analysis

When Ove first appears in the novel, he's a man driven to suicide by his memories and grief over Sonja, his late wife. Ove attempts to make his memories of Sonja perform the same actions as she did while she was alive—motivating and inspiring him to do the right things—and though Ove’s memories of Sonja are powerful, they aren’t enough to pull Ove out of his grief. In this way, the novel sets out to explore the potentially disastrous consequences of dwelling on memories to the extent that Ove dwells on his memories of Sonja.

The novel makes it very clear from the beginning that memories are inescapable and necessary to understanding who a person is. Nearly half the book consists of flashbacks of Ove's life, spanning from his childhood to the day his boss forced him to retire the day before the novel begins. This structure allows the reader to learn about Ove through his memories, and shows how Ove uses memories to form his conception of the world. For example, Ove uses the memories of his father's kindness and honesty to guide his actions as he goes through life. He remembers what people said about his father and endeavors to behave in such a way as to inspire people to talk about him in the same way. Through Ove's other memories, many of which are exceptionally sad, the reader learns that Ove isn't indiscriminately mean for no reason. Rather, Ove is often unkind because he is mired in grief and sad memories, and haunted by the times that people tricked and humiliated him.

Although memory works positively as a teaching tool for characters as well as for the reader, the novel also offers several situations in which memory is used in ways that aren't useful or helpful. Most of these situations are ones in which elements of grief and anger are added to memories, making it difficult for Ove to move on from his memories and live his life. The novel states several times that Ove is a man made for a time long gone. Although he lives in the twenty-first century, he mentally inhabits a world that simply doesn't exist anymore, where a man is only a man if he works outside the home, where there are clearly delineated gender roles for men and women, and where people in general do things for themselves rather than use automated systems (one of Ove's greatest pet peeves is that people drive cars with automatic transmissions). Because Ove lives entrenched in his memories of how the world used to be, his memories lead him to develop disdain and hatred for everyone in his life who doesn't feel the same way he does.

Individuals like Patrick then become prime targets for Ove's scorn. Patrick works from home as an IT consultant, drives an automatic transmission, and can't perform "simple" tasks like unjamming a window or bleeding a radiator. Ove feels angry and superior when he encounters people like Patrick, which in turn isolates Ove even further from the greater community. Similarly, rather than use his memories of Sonja as positive reminders to love others and engage fully with the world as she did, Ove's grief keeps him seeking a relationship with her that no longer exists after her death. Rather than allowing his memories of Sonja to remain in the past, as Ove did when his father died, he remains fully committed to trying to keep Sonja's memory alive at the expense of everyone and everything else—including his own life. He does this by refusing to remove any of Sonja's things from his home and buying flowers for her grave from her prepaid debit card on a weekly basis. Similarly, although his suicide attempts are all unsuccessful, they're meant to keep Ove from having to relegate Sonja to memory: he believes that when he dies, he will be reunited with her in the afterlife.

Following Ove's own death, Parvaneh and Patrick offer an alternative to how Ove tried to honor his memory and deal with their own grief. Rather than keep Ove as a private memory, they engage with the community to start a relief fund for orphaned children in Ove and Sonja's name. It is noteworthy that the pages following Ove's death are overwhelmingly positive and happy—not because people are happy Ove is dead, but because they choose to celebrate his life. The friends he leaves behind choose to honor his memory by doing good things that will benefit future generations. In doing so, the novel presents the possibility that memories can be harnessed to create positive change in the world—not just to hold people back from life.