Ma Character Analysis

One of them yell out, “Don’t let them punk you, Li’l Don and Li’l Zeke!”

It don’t matter that my pops been locked up for nine years or that King’s pops been dead almost as long. They still Big Don, the former crown, and Big Zeke, his right-had man. That make me Li’l Don and King Li’l Zeke. Guess we not old enough to go by our own names yet.

I study Iesha real hard. She got bags under her eyes she didn’t have before. “Anybody helping you with him?”

“Help?” her momma says, like I cussed. “Who supposed to help her? Me?”

“C’mon now, Yolanda,” says Ma. “This is a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a seventeen-year-old.”

“T’uh! She wanna act grown, she can deal with this like she grown. By. Her. Self.”

Iesha blink real fast.

I’m feeling real bad for her all of a sudden. “If he is mine, you won’t be doing this alone no more, a’ight? I’ll come over and help as much as I can.”

Pops told me the other day that grief something we all gotta carry. I never understood that till now. Feel like I got a boulder on my back. It weigh down my whole body, and I be wanting to cry out to make the pain go away.

Men ain’t supposed to cry. We supposed to be strong enough to carry our boulders and everybody else’s.

“Everybody in the set already think I’m soft, Shawn.”

“So?” he says. “Forget what them fools think. You gotta live for you and Dre now, you feel me? You can do everything he didn’t get a chance to do.”

I never thought of that.

“Raise your son. Be the best father you can be,” Shawn says. “That’s how you honor Dre. A’ight?”

I’m feeling bold as hell, and things I’ve been scared to say suddenly not so scary. “You left us. Got Ma busting her ass to take care of me and put money on your books. I had to join a gang ‘cause of you. You can’t come at either of us.”

“What I did ain’t got shit to do with the fact you keep knocking girls up.”

“Yeah, a’ight, I made some bad decisions,” I admit. “I’m gon’ be there for my kids. Unlike you.”

He can’t say nothing, like I thought.

“I felt bad for leaving him and not being able to handle it.”

“That don’t mean you disappear, baby,” Ma says. I’m sorry that your momma didn’t support you like she should’ve and that you had to go through so much yourself. But you have responsibilities now. Seven needs you as much as he needs Maverick.”

“Not if I get in that bad space again, he don’t,” Iesha murmurs.

[…]

Ma rub her shoulder. ‘If it’s not, you’re not alone. It takes a village to raise a child. Seven has a big one. That means that you do too.”

It kinda peeve me how life set up. Here I am, tryna make money to keep my momma’s lights on. Meanwhile, some rich brat might hit me up tomorrow, offering to spend a couple hundred for an “experience.” He never think what that money mean to somebody like me. Then who gotta watch out for the cops? Not him. I’m the one who gotta glance over my shoulder 24-7.

What’s the point of a high school diploma or a GED? Nah, for real. People claim they’ll make my life easier, but all a high school diploma did for Ma was help her get two jobs that don’t pay enough.

Nah, man. I’m done with this school shit. It’s time to put my focus on making money.

“Do you love Pops?”

“I do,” she says. “I’ll always love Adonis, and I’ll always be there for him. I also have to love myself. All of that ‘ride or die’ stuff, it’s nice until you feel like you’re dying from not living. Adonis made choices that put his life at a standstill. He didn’t have to sell drugs; he chose to. I shouldn’t have to put my life on hold because of his decisions.”

“Daddy’s here. It’s okay.”

Them few words do me in. I say them to Seven all the time, but I ain’t heard them myself in years, and they everything I ever needed. “Dre should be here,” I blubber.”

“He should be.”

“He deserve better.”

“He did.”

“I wanna do this for him. I got to.”

Pops smile so sad it’s hard to call it that. “There were a lot of things I thought I had to do, too. Reality was, I only had to be there for you and your momma, and I failed at that.”

But when it comes to the streets, there’s rules.

Nobody will ever write them down, and you’ll never find them in a book. It’s stuff you need in order to survive the moment your momma let you out the house. Kinda like how you gotta breathe even when it’s hard to.

If there was a book, the most important section would be on family, and the first rule would be:

When somebody kills your family, you kill them.

“Why didn’t you do it?”

“I thought of my kids, my momma, and…and you. What it would do to y’all if I got caught or killed.” I close my eyes. Tears slip outta them. “I’m such a fucking coward.”

“No,” Lisa murmurs. “You sound like a man to me.”

I look at her. “How? That fool murdered Dre, Lisa. And what I do? I let him run away. What kinda justice is that?”

“It wouldn’t have been justice if you threw your life away to kill him.”

I almost laugh. “My life ain’t worth much. I just didn’t wanna put my babies through that. I know what it’s like to not have a father around.”

One of them yell out, “Don’t let them punk you, Li’l Don and Li’l Zeke!”

It don’t matter that my pops been locked up for nine years or that King’s pops been dead almost as long. They still Big Don, the former crown, and Big Zeke, his right-had man. That make me Li’l Don and King Li’l Zeke. Guess we not old enough to go by our own names yet.

I study Iesha real hard. She got bags under her eyes she didn’t have before. “Anybody helping you with him?”

“Help?” her momma says, like I cussed. “Who supposed to help her? Me?”

“C’mon now, Yolanda,” says Ma. “This is a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a seventeen-year-old.”

“T’uh! She wanna act grown, she can deal with this like she grown. By. Her. Self.”

Iesha blink real fast.

I’m feeling real bad for her all of a sudden. “If he is mine, you won’t be doing this alone no more, a’ight? I’ll come over and help as much as I can.”

Pops told me the other day that grief something we all gotta carry. I never understood that till now. Feel like I got a boulder on my back. It weigh down my whole body, and I be wanting to cry out to make the pain go away.

Men ain’t supposed to cry. We supposed to be strong enough to carry our boulders and everybody else’s.

“Everybody in the set already think I’m soft, Shawn.”

“So?” he says. “Forget what them fools think. You gotta live for you and Dre now, you feel me? You can do everything he didn’t get a chance to do.”

I never thought of that.

“Raise your son. Be the best father you can be,” Shawn says. “That’s how you honor Dre. A’ight?”

I’m feeling bold as hell, and things I’ve been scared to say suddenly not so scary. “You left us. Got Ma busting her ass to take care of me and put money on your books. I had to join a gang ‘cause of you. You can’t come at either of us.”

“What I did ain’t got shit to do with the fact you keep knocking girls up.”

“Yeah, a’ight, I made some bad decisions,” I admit. “I’m gon’ be there for my kids. Unlike you.”

He can’t say nothing, like I thought.

“I felt bad for leaving him and not being able to handle it.”

“That don’t mean you disappear, baby,” Ma says. I’m sorry that your momma didn’t support you like she should’ve and that you had to go through so much yourself. But you have responsibilities now. Seven needs you as much as he needs Maverick.”

“Not if I get in that bad space again, he don’t,” Iesha murmurs.

[…]

Ma rub her shoulder. ‘If it’s not, you’re not alone. It takes a village to raise a child. Seven has a big one. That means that you do too.”

It kinda peeve me how life set up. Here I am, tryna make money to keep my momma’s lights on. Meanwhile, some rich brat might hit me up tomorrow, offering to spend a couple hundred for an “experience.” He never think what that money mean to somebody like me. Then who gotta watch out for the cops? Not him. I’m the one who gotta glance over my shoulder 24-7.

What’s the point of a high school diploma or a GED? Nah, for real. People claim they’ll make my life easier, but all a high school diploma did for Ma was help her get two jobs that don’t pay enough.

Nah, man. I’m done with this school shit. It’s time to put my focus on making money.

“Do you love Pops?”

“I do,” she says. “I’ll always love Adonis, and I’ll always be there for him. I also have to love myself. All of that ‘ride or die’ stuff, it’s nice until you feel like you’re dying from not living. Adonis made choices that put his life at a standstill. He didn’t have to sell drugs; he chose to. I shouldn’t have to put my life on hold because of his decisions.”

“Daddy’s here. It’s okay.”

Them few words do me in. I say them to Seven all the time, but I ain’t heard them myself in years, and they everything I ever needed. “Dre should be here,” I blubber.”

“He should be.”

“He deserve better.”

“He did.”

“I wanna do this for him. I got to.”

Pops smile so sad it’s hard to call it that. “There were a lot of things I thought I had to do, too. Reality was, I only had to be there for you and your momma, and I failed at that.”

But when it comes to the streets, there’s rules.

Nobody will ever write them down, and you’ll never find them in a book. It’s stuff you need in order to survive the moment your momma let you out the house. Kinda like how you gotta breathe even when it’s hard to.

If there was a book, the most important section would be on family, and the first rule would be:

When somebody kills your family, you kill them.

“Why didn’t you do it?”

“I thought of my kids, my momma, and…and you. What it would do to y’all if I got caught or killed.” I close my eyes. Tears slip outta them. “I’m such a fucking coward.”

“No,” Lisa murmurs. “You sound like a man to me.”

I look at her. “How? That fool murdered Dre, Lisa. And what I do? I let him run away. What kinda justice is that?”

“It wouldn’t have been justice if you threw your life away to kill him.”

I almost laugh. “My life ain’t worth much. I just didn’t wanna put my babies through that. I know what it’s like to not have a father around.”