Social Etiquette and Politeness Theme Analysis

In “Dance of the Happy Shades,” a story set in southern Ontario during the mid-20th century, a teenage girl—the narrator—and her mother struggle with their discomfort at an awkward party thrown by the elderly music teacher, Miss Marsalles. The girl’s mother places great importance on social etiquette. As a result, even though she dreads the annual music recital, she politely agrees to attend the event and tries to hide her unease with outward politeness. Clinging desperately to her idea of good manners, she refuses to engage in the “impropriety” of gossiping about Miss Marsalles, attempts to maintain a pleasant facade, and suffers embarrassment at Miss Marsalles’s seeming lack of social awareness.

Broadly speaking, the purpose of being polite is to avoid offense and to show respect, but “Dance of the Happy Shades” reveals the limitations of this form of social etiquette. Crucially, the story illustrates that being polite is not the same as being kind. Being polite doesn’t prevent the teenage girl’s mother from looking down on Miss Marsalles with condescending pity. She judges Miss Marsalles for her old age, old-fashioned ways, and ignorance of her guests’ tastes. Being overly concerned about appearances, fashionability, and manners prevents her from viewing Miss Marsalles with sympathy or trying to understand her perspective.

Moreover, the story suggests that politeness upholds the status quo to the detriment of anyone who doesn’t or can’t fit into it. Rules of politeness ostracize certain people from society because they’re different. This is the case for Miss Marsalles’s newest students, who are children with Down syndrome. At the party, the mothers are scandalized by the presence of these children, which they view as an affront to politeness. They deem the musical ability of one of these girls, Dolores Boyle, “not altogether in good taste” because she has an intellectual and developmental disability. However, it’s clear that the mothers’ prejudice is offensive, even as they try to disguise their disgust with so-called politeness. In “Dance of the Happy Shades,” then, Munro suggests that a superficial preoccupation with politeness can actually enable people to move through the world with a certain lack of empathy, as enforcing rules of politeness often harmfully excludes some people—who are wrongfully deemed unworthy of respect because of their differences—from society. Rather than politeness, the story indicates, compassion and empathy are more beneficial values to pursue because they can foster genuine human connection.