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Part 3, Chapter 3
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
Beginning a conversation by unloading one’s temper on another person can be satisfying for you, but never for anyone else. John D. Rockefeller, Jr. appreciated this—back in 1915, he was despised by coal miners in Colorado after one of the bloodiest strikes in history. But he was able to win them over and end the strike—first, by visiting them in their homes and becoming friends, then with a speech addressing the miners’ representatives, calling them friends and discussing their common interests.
In this chapter, Carnegie once again emphasizes positivity over negativity, this time in the context of arguments. Here, John D. Rockefeller, Jr. was able to solve a dramatic coal miner strike by making an effort to become friends with the strikers. Only by fostering that spirit of positivity rather than becoming angry or argumentative was the strike resolved.
Themes
If Rockefeller Jr. had taken a different tack, there would only have been more hatred and revolt. Lincoln said that to first win a person to your cause, you have to convince him that you are his sincere friend. Many business executives have learned that it pays to be friendly with strikers. For example, the president of the White Motor Company found this when he bought strikers baseball bats and gloves and invited them to play. As a result of this good will, the strike ended with a compromise settlement within a week.
This is another example from business that illustrates how friendliness and positivity resolve issues much more quickly than any other strategy. Even though buying strikers bats and gloves was a relatively small gesture, doing so suggested that the White Motor Company supported the strikers, which in turn made the strikers more open to a compromise.
Themes
Carnegie provides other examples of how good will begets more good will—like a tenant appreciating his landlord and getting the rent reduced as a result. In another case, the superintendent of a department of a local electric company in Pennsylvania kindly approached a photojournalist to explain what looked like a bunch of people wasting time and not doing work—in reality, they were learning how to do a particular job and many people were watching. This friendly approach saved the company a lot of bad publicity.
Carnegie provides other examples, showing how positivity works not just with business disputes or strikes, but with winning people over in general. These examples also tie back to Carnegie’s earlier story about the post office clerk, when people asked him what he wanted to get out of the man. These stories seem to answer that question, illustrating how being friendly and positive can earn you things you might not have even asked for.
Themes
Another member of Carnegie’s classes, Gerald H. Winn, experienced severe flooding during a heavy rainstorm, and he found out later that the builder did not put in a storm drain, which would have prevented the damage. Winn talked to the builder first about his recent vacation before moving on to the issue of the water damage—the man then said he would pay for the damage and put in a storm drain to prevent this from happening again.
As with the other examples in this chapter, because Winn first started with a positive attitude (and talked about the other person first), the builder was much more accommodating. This likely would not have worked (and they certainly would not have maintained a good relationship) if Winn had come into the conversation blaming and criticizing the builder.
Themes
Get the entire How to Win Friends and Influence People LitChart as a printable PDF.
Carnegie once heard a fable about the sun and the wind, who quarreled about who could get an old man to take off his coat faster. The wind tried first, blowing like a tornado, and the man clutched his coat tighter, refusing to relinquish it. When the wind gave up, the sun came out from behind a cloud and the man pulled off his coat. Gentleness and friendliness were stronger than fury. Or, as Lincoln said, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
This fable, coupled with the quote from Lincoln, demonstrates that that anger and negativity (represented by the wind) only make people cling to their ideas and grow resentful. On the other hand, warmth and positivity (represented by the sun) are much more pleasant and therefore effective.
Themes
