Family Discipline and Guidance Theme Analysis

Set in the fictional English village of Tollington in the 1970s, Anita and Me explores the relationship between Meena Kumar, a nine-year-old girl whose parents are recent Indian immigrants, and Anita Rutter, a twelve-year-old white girl, born and bred in Tollington. Meena grows up in a tight-knit family composed of Mama, Papa, and her young brother Sunil, as well as an extended “family” of Aunts and Uncles—fellow Indian immigrants who are not related to Meena’s family but who spend most of their time with them. Growing up, Meena is often resentful of expectations that she behave like a typical Indian girl: polite and quiet. Meena enjoys spending time with Anita in large part because the older girl’s family seemingly allows her to live more freely. However, over time, Meena realizes that her own family’s rules and discipline are an expression of love, providing her with the support she needs to become a successful adult, whereas Anita’s lack of family guidance leaves her on her own and with few prospects. By highlighting the two girls’ divergent paths, the novel illustrates the importance that family can have in a person’s life: family can provide the foundation for an individual to achieve success, or, on the other hand, it can undermine children from reaching their full potential.

Encouraged to behave in a way that her parents and their Indian friends approve of, Meena often feels stifled in her own family. Her father, for instance, criticizes her for finding Indian girls boring, even though they are “polite and sweet and enjoy spending time with their family.” Meena, by contrast, finds these girls’ restrained behavior unappealing. Unlike them, she enjoys spending time outdoors, taking part in physical activities and exploring nature, and is unafraid to get her clothes dirty.

Anita, meanwhile, is exactly the opposite of what typical Indian girls are supposed to be. She spends most of her time outside her house, takes part in harmful, potentially illegal activities, and uses vulgar language. This can be seen as a reproduction of her family environment, as Anita imitates her mother Deirdre’s offensive language—her mother calls their family dog “Nigger”—and reckless sexual behavior. Although Meena does not understand much about sex, she is attracted to Anita’s life, which seems so exciting in comparison to her own.

These two environments clash when Meena uses a vulgar sexual expression in front of her entire Indian circle. Although Meena does not understand what the expression actually means, since she is merely repeating Anita’s words, her family’s shock and anger make Meena feel ashamed. Meena’s shame suggests that she knows that aspects of Anita’s life are morally reprehensible, and that her family might be right in setting limits to what can be said and done. Meena eventually realizes that though her family’s discipline might feel oppressive at times, it actually has helped her become a better person. By contrast, as Anita’s family falls apart, it becomes apparent that she does not benefit from any adult’s support. The girls’ life paths ultimately demonstrate the powerful role that family can play in young people’s lives.

Meena knows that Mama and Papa’s worries are not motivated by a desire to keep their daughter from enjoying her freedom but, rather, by a concern for her well-being and happiness. Papa often worries about Meena turning from a happy child into “some rude, sulky monster.” Meena also realizes that even her Aunts and Uncles’ recriminations make her feel “safe and wanted,” even if she does not necessarily agree with their various critiques. By contrast, Anita and her sister Tracey’s home is defined by violence and neglect. One day, Meena notices bruises on the inside of Tracey’s thighs that show the imprint of ten fingers. These signs indicate the presence of violence—and probably sexual violence—in the young girl’s life. Later, when Anita and Tracey’s mother abandons them to run away with another man, Deirdre’s actions prove how little concern she has for her daughters’ well-being. This combination of abuse and neglect marks Anita and Tracey’s lives. While Tracey’s reaction is to be extremely shy and fear anything that has to do with sex, Anita reacts in the opposite way, by taking part in reckless sexual behavior. Both girls’ behaviors reflect how little guidance and support they have.

By the end of the novel, Meena realizes that her family’s loving environment will allow her to escape Tollington and lead the life she chooses. After breaking her leg and spending time in hospital, Meena decides to focus on her studies, preparing for the eleven-plus exam. She benefits from her family’s full support in this decision. Mama has no doubt that Meena will succeed and resolves that they should use this opportunity to leave Tollington to move closer to Meena’s future school. Ultimately, Meena learns to embrace the attitude of a typical, studious Indian girl, while concluding that this does not necessarily involve abandoning her personality. Rather, she understands that this is the first step in working hard to build a successful, fulfilling life for herself—something her family has been encouraging her to do all along.

Ultimately, Meena realizes that her parents’ love has benefited her more than it has harmed her. By the end of the novel, Meena is moving on—out of childhood, out of Tollington, and into the future. Anita, by contrast, seems bound to remain within the narrow confines of Tollington and her low ambitions: she remains obsessed with sex and having a boyfriend, and is commonly judged as likely to soon have children of her own—thus propagating her unstable family legacy instead of breaking away from it.