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Chapter 3
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in The Leavers, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Cultural Identity and Belonging
Migration, Change, and Happiness
Racism, Cultural Insensitivity, and Implicit Bias
Self-Deception and Rationalization
Parenthood, Support, and Expectations
Summary
Analysis
A week after arriving in Ridgeborough, Deming wakes one morning “with the crumbs of dialect on his tongue,” quickly losing the feeling of speaking Fuzhounese. “One language had outseeped another,” Ko writes. “I am Daniel Wilkinson,” he says to himself, thinking how strange it is to have been given a new name by his foster parents. At first, he doesn’t know what to call Peter and Kay, feeling uncomfortable using “Mom” and “Dad.” Kay, for her part, has taken Mandarin classes, but whenever she tries to speak to Deming, he can hardly understand what she says, so he responds by saying, “I don’t know who you are,” in Fuzhounese. When he speaks Fuzhounese in other circumstances, Peter chides him, saying, “English.”
In this chapter, readers witness the abrupt transformation Deming undergoes when he’s taken in by Peter and Kay. Not only does he find himself living with strangers, but he’s taken away from everything he knows and given a new name. Suddenly, he’s supposed to think of himself as an entirely different person, someone whose name won’t stand out in an American suburb. Needless to say, this stands in stark contrast to his life in New York City, where he mainly spoke Fuzhounese and the majority of people he saw looked like him. As his grip on Fuzhounese diminishes, Ko illustrates just how much a person’s sense of cultural belonging and identity depends upon his or her environment.
Themes
In a meeting with Deming and Kay, the principal of Ridgeborough Middle School suggests that Deming should redo fifth grade because of his bad grades. When he asks Deming questions, he does so condescendingly, eventually turning to Kay and asking, “Where is he from? Originally?” Kay reminds him that she’s already told him that Deming is from New York City, but he says, “But originally?” He then suggests that Deming’s English needs work, though Kay thinks it’s “perfectly fine.” Circling back to his main point, the principal says that Deming should be put in the fifth grade so he doesn’t lose heart. “We don’t want to get him started off in his new country on the wrong foot,” he says. At this point, Kay loses her patience and talks about educational theory, dumbfounding the principal and successfully convincing him to place Deming in the sixth grade.
The principal of Deming’s new school is a prime example of somebody who makes lazy assumptions about a person based on the color of their skin. Knowing that Deming is Chinese-American, he automatically thinks that he’s bad at English and that he’s not originally from the United States. When Kay stands up for him, it is the first time since Polly disappeared that an adult actually advocates for Deming, and though Kay later clings to her own unexamined stereotypes, in this moment she proves her desire to support her new son.
Themes
Kay takes Deming shopping for school clothes, and he sees how willing she is to spend large amounts of money on him. “Why am I here?” he asks while they’re eating lunch in a mall food court. “Because—we have room for a child in our family. And you needed a family to stay with.” That night, he hears Peter and Kay talking in their bedroom. Listening from his own room, he hears them worry about having taken him in. “I can’t figure out how to act around him sometimes,” Kay admits. She also asks Peter if he can spend more time at home, since he’s been at the university so much recently. Defensively, he reminds her that this is an “important semester” for him because he’s trying to become the chair of his department.
Despite Kay’s willingness to support Deming, she finds it difficult to connect with him because of the cultural differences that stand between them. Nonetheless, she is the only adult in the novel thus far who has committed herself to him, and this remains the case even if she doesn’t feel at ease around him yet. Peter, on the other hand, emerges as a somewhat challenging character, a man focused more on his career than on the immense responsibility of foster parenting that he and his wife have taken on.
Themes
Peter complains that there’s no “work-life balance” in academia. “You of all people should know that,” he says to Kay. “But it could be different for women. There aren’t the same expectations, the same drive.” This upsets Kay, but she goes back to talking about her concerns regarding Daniel, admitting that she’s afraid of getting “too attached,” since one of his real family members could return any day and collect him. She also asks Peter if they’re “crazy” to try raising a young Asian boy in Ridgeborough, where there aren’t any other Asian families. “[These] issues are colorblind,” Peter says, insisting that “kids of all races have struggles with belonging.”
When Peter says that “kids of all races have struggles with belonging,” he reveals his naivety, since he fails to acknowledge that the “struggles” Deming faces as a Chinese-American in a predominantly white community are different than the everyday obstacles of childhood. His belief that such “issues are colorblind” arises not from an objective understanding of race, but from his own experience as someone who has never had to experience what it’s like to be different than everyone else. In fact, whether or not Deming will have a hard time fitting into the Ridgeborough community has quite a lot to do with skin color, but Peter doesn’t consider this because he himself has never had to think about such things.
Themes
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The night before the beginning of school, Deming sneaks downstairs and tries to call Polly’s cellphone. “This call cannot be completed at this time,” an automated voice tells him. The next day, his teacher takes attendance and is surprised to see an Asian boy when she says “Daniel Wilkinson.” While eating alone at lunch, he can’t help but notice that everybody is white. The next day, he decides to think of himself as an alien who’s been sent to Ridgeborough to collect information. What he realizes is that nobody around him thinks about “the way they look to other people, because there [are] no other people present.” He, on the other hand, is simultaneously “too visible” and “invisible.” During lunch on his third day, a girl asks him where he’s from. When he asks her the same question, she says, “I’m from here.”
In this section, Ko showcases the ways in which the white residents of Ridgeborough are unused to thinking about race. This is because they rarely encounter a person of color and thus never consider what “they look like to other people.” Deming, on the other hand, has no choice but to recognize the fact that he stands out, since he’s one of the only nonwhite people in the entire school. This, in turn, disproves Peter’s theory that “kids of all races” face the same obstacles when trying to fit in.
Themes
On his fourth day of school, Deming watches as a large boy named Cody picks on a smaller kid, calling him a “fag” and pushing him over in the locker room. Cody then pushes Deming and calls him a “Chinese retard,” so Deming tackles him. In the commotion, he realizes that the small boy who Cody originally bullied has jumped on him, attacking him instead of Cody. “Chinese retard,” Cody repeats as he gets up and walks away.
Deming’s encounter with Cody illustrates the racism he faces in Ridgeborough, where he’s singled out for being Chinese. When the small boy attacks Deming in order to protect the same bully who just harassed him, readers see how eager this boy is to team up against Deming, essentially trying to prove himself by adopting Cody’s racism. In this way, it becomes clear just how much Deming is on his own in this white-majority school.
Themes
On the way home from school that day, a boy named Roland Fuentes catches up to Deming and introduces himself. Roland—who’s Mexican—is the only other person of color Deming has encountered in Ridgeborough. As they walk home, the two boys talk about their parents, and Roland says his dad died a long time ago. “Did your mom die, too? Your real mom,” Roland asks, and before he can stop himself, Deming says, “Yeah.” As the weeks pass, Deming and Roland become good friends, playing videogames and writing their initials on the virtual scoreboards. Though at first he writes DGUO, Deming starts to record his name as DWLK. Within several weeks, he stops finding it strange when people call him Daniel.
It’s important to note that what helps Deming evolve into Daniel isn’t his sudden immersion into the white culture of Ridgeborough, but the process of becoming friends with somebody who knows what it’s like to be one of the only people of color in town. Finally, Deming has found someone with whom he can connect. And because Roland knows him as Daniel, Deming gradually comes to acknowledge and embrace his new name, since it’s no longer quite as foreign. In other words, his friendship with Roland helps him establish his new cultural identity. On another note, when he says that his mother is dead, he reveals his desire to put his tumultuous family history behind him.
Themes
Alone after school one afternoon, Deming opens Peter’s cabinet of vinyl records and looks at them. When Peter comes home and sees him sitting before the turntable, he tells him to choose a record, so he selects Jimi Hendrix’s Are You Experienced? When Peter puts it on, the room “fill[s]” with “color,” and Deming and Peter bond over their appreciation of Hendrix’s guitar work. From that day on, Deming listens to Peter’s record collection using headphones, immersing himself in Hendrix’s catalogue and letting the chaotic sounds remind him of his life in New York City.
As Deming settles into life in Ridgeborough, he finds things to focus on that will take his mind off what happened to his mother. Slowly becoming Daniel Wilkinson, he distracts himself from his own personal history by developing this new interest in music, which feels simultaneously new and reminiscent of his past life in New York City, where he experienced a cacophony of sound that is otherwise nowhere to be found in Ridgeborough.
Themes
When Deming goes to Roland’s house after school, they listen to Hendrix. Together, they create fake band names, eventually writing songs using these monikers. In school, they talk about these bands as if they’re real, tricking their peers into believing them. “I heard about the band you’re in. Roland’s band. Necro…mania,” Cody tells Deming one day. “That’s my band, not Roland’s,” Deming says. “I started it.” For his birthday, Deming asks for an electric guitar, but Peter and Kay give him a laptop instead. Still, this makes him happy, and he largely succeeds in his attempt to avoid thinking about Polly. On the way home from his birthday dinner, he asks Peter and Kay if they’ll give him a guitar next year, and Peter says, “Let’s not get carried away. Music is fine to listen to as a hobby, but you need to focus on school.”
Deming’s interest in music gives him something upon which he can build his new identity as Daniel Wilkinson. Before long, even Cody sees him not as someone to be picked on, but as a cool musician. However, Peter and Kay are reluctant to encourage his musical ambitions because they have strict ideas about what he should “focus” on. In this regard, Peter outlines their expectations, ultimately dismissing his primary passion, which is the only thing he’s found that has helped ease the transition from his past life to his new existence in Ridgeborough. As such, readers see that his foster parents are fixated on how they want him to behave and what they want him to become, not on whether or not he’s happy.
Themes
Deming hears Peter and Kay talking about him again in their bedroom one night. “Oh, God, sometimes I look at him and think, what are we doing with this twelve-year-old Chinese boy? In Ridgeborough?” he hears Kay say. “Jim and Elaine, at least they’re in New York City.” She goes on to explain that Deming told her someone said something racist to him in the grocery store the other day. “I was horrified,” she says. “And now, whenever we go out, I’m suspicious.” She wonders aloud if she should take more Mandarin classes or cook Chinese food. After a moment, Peter says, “This might sound callous, but honestly, whatever we do is going to be better than what he experienced before. You remember what the agency said, how the mother and stepfather both went back to China. We’re the first stable home he’s ever had.”
Kay’s discomfort about how to navigate racism makes sense, since she herself has never faced discrimination based on the color of her skin. Now that she lives with a Chinese-American boy, though, she’s suddenly aware of the many manifestations of bigotry and cultural insensitivity that run throughout her community. This newfound awareness is a testament to the fact that many people (especially white Americans who have never had to think about race) aren’t aware of the many cultural and racial biases surrounding them. While Kay begins to recognize the strains of insensitivity all around her, though, Peter commits himself to the idea of American superiority, assuming that anything he and Kay do for Deming will be what’s best for him. Of course, it’s true that Deming hasn’t had a “stable home” in recent months, but Peter overlooks the fact that Deming actually has enjoyed a “stable home” for the first ten years of his life. Instead, Peter jumps to the conclusion that this isn’t the case, ultimately using this viewpoint to justify his rather complacent belief that he and Kay are unmatchable caretakers simply because they can provide Deming with the life of a stereotypically successful white American family.
Themes
As Deming listens, Peter and Kay talk about starting the adoption process to make their guardianship permanent. Hardly able to keep up, Deming wonders why Peter said that Polly went back to China. Despite his confusion, he keeps trying to listen. He hears Kay saying she can’t stop thinking about Polly, wondering what she looks like. She also says it feels like Deming is scared of her and Peter, and when Peter assures her that this won’t always be the case, she says, “I hope so. We’ll love him so much we’ll make it all better.”
When Deming hears Peter say that Polly returned to China, it’s the first time he’s received any information whatsoever about his mother’s whereabouts. Although Peter and Kay are eager to give him the parental support he needs, they fail to see how reassuring it would be for him to know for sure what happened to Polly (or at least to know as much information as possible). Without this knowledge, he’s left in the dark, and though Kay insists that she and Peter will “love him so much” that he’ll feel “better” about his family situation, it seems unlikely that they’ll be able to do this without at least helping him process his mother’s disappearance.
Themes
Shortly after hearing Peter and Kay’s conversation about starting the adoption process, Deming opens a file cabinet one afternoon and finds a folder labeled “ADOPTION/FOSTER.” Inside, he finds pictures of children and letters to social workers, and then he comes upon a report about his own case, which states that his mother abandoned him to return to China. “Foster parents plan to petition for termination of mother’s parental rights on grounds of abandonment,” the file reads. That night over dinner, he asks Peter and Kay if they’ve adopted him, and they explain that they have plans to do so. “But what happened to my real family?” he asks. “We are your real family,” Peter says. All of a sudden, Deming feels sick, so Peter carries him upstairs and puts him to bed.
Deming wants to know why his mother left him, and although Peter and Kay are likely unable to answer this question, it’s clear that they know more than they’re telling him. Instead of helping him understand—and thus process—what happened, though, they avoid the topic altogether. When Deming finally comes out and asks “what happened to [his] real family,” Peter sidesteps the question by saying, “We are your real family.” Of course, this is a nice sentiment, but Peter doesn’t recognize that Deming most likely doesn’t feel the same way about their connection. What this child needs, it seems, is a caretaker who’s willing to be honest with him. Instead, though, he has two people who want him to simply forget about his biological family, which is obviously easier said than done.
Themes
Peter, Kay, and Deming drive to New York City several days later to visit the Hennings. It’s the first time Deming has returned to the city since he was taken to Ridgeborough, and he hatches a plan to sneak back to his old apartment in the Bronx so he can reconnect with Vivian and Michael. When they arrive at Jim and Elaine’s house, they settle in, and Deming meets Angel, who is also of Chinese descent, though she has lived in the United States for her entire life and doesn’t know how to respond when Deming addresses her in Chinese.
Finally, Deming finds someone who’s in a similar situation to his own, since Angel is also a Chinese adoptee living with white parents. However, Angel is used to living with white American parents, and has little to no connection to her original culture. As such, Deming once again finds himself unable to recapture a sense of cultural belonging, though at least Angel can understand better than most people what he’s going through.
Themes
For dinner, Jim and Elaine take everyone to a Chinese restaurant they claim is fantastic, but Deming knows the food isn’t very good. Still, it’s nice to hear people speaking Fuzhounese around him. Taking control, he orders for the table in Fuzhounese, and when Elaine marvels at the fact that he’s fluent in Mandarin, he corrects her, saying, “It’s not Mandarin. It’s Fuzhounese.” Peter explains to Jim and Elaine that Fuzhounese is “the local slang,” and when Kay tells Deming not to speak so directly to Elaine, he says, “But she’s wrong. She’s stupid.” He also points out that Fuzhounese isn’t “local slang,” but Jim interjects and says, “It’s all Chinese to us dumb-dumbs.” Elaine, for her part, apologizes to Deming for getting confused, and Kay forces him to apologize.
Deming’s frustration with Elaine stems from the fact that she claims to know so much about Chinese culture without actually knowing what she’s talking about at all. When he corrects her, his adoptive parents are embarrassed, as if he doesn’t have the right to point out Elaine’s oversights. Furthermore, Peter’s suggestion that Fuzhounese is nothing more than “slang” is rather condescending, as he effectively disparages Deming’s first language. As such, Deming feels as if his cultural identity has been discounted by this group of white adults. Lastly, when Jim says, “It’s all Chinese to us dumb-dumbs,” he implies that he and the others don’t care enough about Chinese culture to pay attention to its nuances.
Themes
When Deming gets up to go to the bathroom after the meal, he tries to slip away, but the group catches up to him just outside the door. “Were you looking for us?” Peter asks, and Deming lies, saying he was in the bathroom and couldn’t find them. Back at the Hennings’ apartment, Deming tells Angel that his birth mother, Polly, might be in the Bronx, and she decides to help him find her. When the adults fall asleep, they sneak out and hail a cab using money Angel has stolen from Jim. When they get to Deming’s old apartment, though, they find strangers living there. Defeated, they return to the Hennings’.
Although Deming may not be able to fully connect with Angel because she doesn’t know as much about Chinese culture, it’s clear that these two children have bonded with one another. After all, Angel understands what it’s like to wonder about the whereabouts of one’s birth parents, which is why she agrees to help Deming track down his mother. When this fails, though, Deming likely feels that there’s nothing he can do but embrace his new life as Daniel Wilkinson, since he has no way of reuniting with Polly.
Themes
