The Phantom Tollbooth: Chapter 16. A Very Dirty Bird Summary & Analysis

At first, Milo climbs the stairs quickly. But he slows down and, finally, he sits—he realizes these stairs go on forever, just like the line. Someone tells Milo he wouldn’t like Infinity anyway, since there, “they can never manage to make ends meet.” Milo looks up to see the left half of a child. When Milo says he’s never seen half a child before, the boy says he’s actually .58 of a child. He explains that his family is average, with a mother, father, and 2.58 kids. He’s the .58 kid. The boy says it’s great—all average families have 2.58 children, so he has friends. And he’s the only person small enough to drive 3/10s of a car, since average families also own 1.3 cars. 

Milo insists that averages are just imaginary, but the child disagrees. He points out that if Milo had no money but was with other people who had money, using averages, Milo would have money. The child offers more examples, but they just confuse Milo. Milo insists that none of this is possible. The child, though, says that the nice thing about math (and other subjects) is that impossible things can be real, just like Infinity. You can know it’s there and even if you can’t reach it, it’s still worth looking for. Milo bids the boy goodbye and heads back downstairs. He realizes he’ll have to learn a lot more to rescue the princesses.

When Milo reenters the workshop, he laments that everything in Digitopolis is too hard for him. The Mathemagician comforts Milo and notes that the easiest thing to do is to be wrong—but it’s not worth it. Attempting to understand everything he’s seen, Milo asks why things that are correct aren’t actually right. The Mathemagician sobs that it’s been like this since Rhyme and Reason were banished, which he shouts is all Azaz’s fault. The Mathemagician refuses to discuss the matter with his brother, since Azaz didn’t answer his last friendly letter. Milo accepts the letter, which is entirely numbers. Milo doesn’t get it and suggests Azaz didn’t either, but the Mathemagician bellows that numbers are the same no matter where you are in the world.

Tock asks for the Mathemagician’s permission to rescue Rhyme and Reason. When he hears that Azaz has already agreed to this, the Mathemagician refuses—he’ll never agree with his brother on anything. Milo thinks carefully and, using logic, is able to show the Mathemagician that he and Azaz are actually in agreement, since they agree to disagree with whatever the other agrees with. The Mathemagician cries out, but he gives his permission. Then, he warns Milo that the demons will know about him—and once they appear, it’ll be too late. He also has a grave problem to tell Milo about, though he can’t talk about it until after Milo returns.

The Mathemagician transports Milo, Tock, and the Humbug to the edge of Digitopolis. Ahead is a narrow path leading to the mountains. Milo laments that he won’t be able to get the car up the road, but the Mathemagician warns Milo that in Ignorance, he’ll have to take things step by step anyway. The Dodecahedron appears out of nowhere with Milo’s gifts. The Mathemagician gives Milo his own magic staff, and then he and the Dodecahedron bid the travelers goodbye.

As Milo climbs the difficult path, the light fades. It’s not dark like the night, it’s “more like a mixture of lurking shadows and evil intentions.” As a heavy mist descends, Milo grabs Tock’s tail and wonders if they should wait until morning. Just then, a dirty bird quips that “They’ll be mourning for you soon enough.” When Milo says they need a place to spend the night, the bird says it’s not Milo’s to spend. As Milo tries to explain what he wants, the bird continually interjects to call Milo rude and tell him to use other words that make more sense. Tock asks the bird not to interrupt, but the bird says it’s his job—he’s the Everpresent Wordsnatcher.

Milo asks the Everpresent Wordsnatcher if everyone in Ignorance is like him. The bird says folks here are worse, but he’s from a place called Context. The Humbug suggests the bird go back home, but the bird shudders—he spends “almost all [his] time out of it.” The bird then says he’s not a demon and flies away. When Milo shouts at him to wait, the bird replies, “thirty-four pounds.” The Humbug, pretending to be brave, suggests they find the demons. Tock starts to tremble.

Milo, Tock, and the Humbug continue to climb until they come across an elegant gentleman leaning against a dead tree. The man’s expression is totally blank—he has no face at all. But the man greets the travelers, and Milo is shocked to meet someone so nice. The man requests Milo to help him with some small jobs. He asks Milo to move a huge pile of sand from one place to the other using tweezers. He asks Tock to empty a well with only an eyedropper, and he assigns the Humbug to dig a hole with a needle. The travelers work on their tasks for hours.