A Little Life: Part 4: The Axiom of Equality: Chapter 2 Summary & Analysis

This section is told from Harold’s first-person perspective. He describes the onset of Jacob’s illness. When Jacob is four, Harold and Liesl notice that something is wrong. It’s October, and Jacob has started to tire easily. One of his teachers thinks he must be coming down with something. Harold carries Jacob to the car, and when they get home, Jacob seems a little better. That night, Harold tells Liesl what the teacher said, but they don’t think much of it. But things get exponentially worse from that point forward; at Thanksgiving dinner at Harold’s parents’ house, Jacob has a seizure. Harold’s father calls a friend at New York Presbyterian, and they admit Jacob right away. 

They return home once Jacob is stable, and Liesl contacts Jacob’s pediatrician—a friend from med school—to set up appointments with the best specialists. Jacob undergoes countless invasive tests and scans, but nobody can determine what’s wrong. Eventually, Jacob is diagnosed with Nishihara syndrome, a rare neurodegenerative disease. By this point, Jacob is practically blind. And by the time he’s five, he’s blind and likely deaf. The seizures worsen. Most drugs don’t work, and the one that does causes Jacob agonizing pain.  

Harold can’t focus on work. On campus, he hears students bemoaning their problems, like breakups and bad grades, and he hates how self-absorbed and petty they are. By September, the doctor tells Harold and Liesl that Jacob will die soon. Jacob’s limbs have grown floppy from disuse. Harold thinks he’s being punished for not wanting Jacob enough when he first learned that Liesl was pregnant with him.

Jacob’s illness makes Harold think about parenthood. Everyone thinks it’s enough for their kids to be “happy, and healthy” but they really want their kids to be “better”—and it’s impossible to imagine “that they might be worse.” When Jacob first became sick, Liesl immediately made plans for how they could give Jacob the best life possible in light of his condition—how they could find ways for him to retain some independence. At the time, this angered Harold: he thought Liesl was giving up on Jacob too easily. Now, he sees that she was right: “she was adjusting to the fact that the child she thought she would have was not the child she did have.” Harold now sees it was foolish of him to assume that Jacob would get better. 

Harold was 32 when Jacob was born, and he’s 37 when he dies—less than a year after that first seizure. A year after Jacob’s death, Harold and Liesl discuss whether they should have another child, but they fight a lot. Eventually, their grief destroys their marriage, and they divorce. They don’t speak for a long time afterward. Liesl moves to Portland, and Harold meets Julia. Sixteen years pass, and Liesl and Harold meet for dinner when Liesl is in town for a conference. Liesl has married and had another child. Harold tells Liesl about Jude, and Liesl can tell that Harold loves him. When they part ways after dinner that evening, they stay in touch only sporadically, reaching out every time they see young men who look how they imagine Jacob would have looked, if he’d lived.

Harold loves Julia. She’s a scientist, just like Liesl. But what he had with Liesl was “deeper” and “more profound” because they’d created a life together—and then they watched it suffer and die. After Julia and Harold decide to adopt Jude, Harold asks Laurence what he thinks about it. Laurence is wary—how much does Harold really know about Jude? Not much, Harold must admit, but he has discerned that something, at some point, must have gone wrong in Jude’s life. Harold’s suspicion is confirmed the first summer Jude and his friends join them in Truro—JB confronts Harold in secret to ask him not to ask Jude any more questions about his past. Nobody knows for sure, JB says, but they suspect he was physically—and possibly even sexually—abused.

A month before they finalize the adoption, Andy calls Harold and explains that Jude’s been having a hard time. The next day, Harold contacts Laurence to see if he can find out anything about Jude in the state’s juvenile records. Harold has convinced himself that he doesn’t care about Jude’s past, but he realizes now that this was naïve of him, for Jude’s past has made him the person he is today. Laurence doesn’t find anything, and the adoption goes through as planned. Harold is immensely happy and has no regrets. But it isn’t easy to be Jude’s parent—Harold can see that somebody in Jude’s past taught him that he doesn’t deserve happiness.

Harold remembers Jude as a gentle person who was never angry or sarcastic. After Jude drops off Harold after the run-in with Caleb at the restaurant, Harold paces around his apartment and anguishes not over the things Caleb said to Jude—but the fact that Jude so clearly believed that these things were true. He feels that he’s failed Jude as a parent. Following Julia’s advice, Harold goes to see Jude the next day. When he rings the buzzer at Jude’s apartment, Jude hesitates before telling Harold he could come up—but only if he promises not to get upset. When Harold sees Jude, he’s horrified to find Jude collapsed on the floor, horribly beaten. Jude explains that Caleb took a spare set of keys and was waiting for him at the apartment last night. Harold frantically calls Andy, who agrees to see Jude at his office in 20 minutes. 

At Andy’s office, Harold speaks with Andy privately and fills him in on Caleb. They both feel stupid and ashamed that they believed Jude’s lies that his injuries were from tennis. While Andy goes with Jude to the hospital to get X-rays, Harold returns to Jude’s apartment to clean up. Besides the mess that Caleb caused—Jude’s vomit, the clawed-off clothes—the apartment is strikingly clean. The place looks like “an advertisement for an enviable life.” Harold calls Jude’s boss, Lucien, and lies that Jude has been in a car accident and will be in the hospital for some time. Then he calls a locksmith to have all the locks changed. Harold wants Caleb arrested, but he knows this won’t happen if Jude—Caleb’s victim—refuses to press charges.

Harold continues to clean. He goes to the bathroom and finds Jude’s hidden bag of razors and cotton pads—he knew he’d find it there, because, seven years ago, he found the same bag hidden under the sink at his house in Truro. He didn’t know that Jude cut himself then, but when he found the bag, he instinctively knew what it was for. When he confronted Jude about the bag, Jude apologized—which angered Harold. Later that night, Jude explained that the cutting was a way for him “to make physical” the shame and anguish he felt on the inside. Jude paused, and then he told Harold that he could absolve the adoption if he wanted. That night, Harold threw away every sharp object he could find. And since then, every time he goes to Greene Street, he throws away Jude’s hidden bag, even though Jude always replaces it.

Harold tries repeatedly to discuss the cutting with Jude, but it’s always a failure. Nobody knows what to do, or what advice to give Jude. “You [Willem] were the one who got furthest with him,” observes Harold. Harold knows that his audience (Willem) blames himself, just as Harold blames himself, for Jude’s failure to get better.

The night after Caleb’s beating, Andy calls Harold to say that Jude is asleep in the examination room. He’s mended Jude’s many broken bones. Harold will need to clean and dress the wounds on Jude’s back every day, though Jude will likely resist this. Andy also gives Harold painkillers to give to Jude, which Jude will also resist. Andy and Harold both feel like they’d kill Caleb if given the chance. 

Jude and Harold return to Greene Street and Jude crawls into bed. Harold follows him into the bedroom, and Jude apologizes profusely for yelling at Harold the night before. Harold tells Jude it’s not his fault. He pauses, and then he asks Jude if Jude was sexually abused when he was a child. “Jesus, Harold,” Jude says after a long pause. He doesn’t answer the question, but Harold knows the answer anyway. He reminds Jude that nothing is his fault. Willem calls Jude later that night, but Harold picks up the phone and lies that Jude had been in a minor car accident.

Harold stays with Jude the rest of the week. Jude obediently takes his pills, and he sleeps a lot. Willem calls every night. Jude’s friends visit him, and Lucien comes, too. He tells Harold how he admired Jude is at the firm, and Harold feels proud. It’s the same pride he felt, so many years ago, when Jacob’s preschool teachers praised his abilities with clay. By the time it’s time for Harold to return to Cambridge on Monday, Jude looks much better. Harold promises to return on Thursday, after he’s done teaching for the week. Jude protests, but Harold doesn’t listen. By the time Willem returns in November, Jude has regained some of the weight he lost. 

They have that year’s Thanksgiving at Harold’s house in New York so Jude won’t have to travel, though he’s able to walk now. Harold remembers the day he found out Jude used a wheelchair. It was shortly after Harold discovered the bag. He asked Jude why he’d kept the chair from him and explained that it would never change how he thought of Jude. But it had—it reminded Harold how little he really knew about Jude.

Years later, Harold will realize how much the incident with Caleb affected Jude. It made him into a new person. Before Caleb entered Jude’s life, Jude was in a period of healing. But afterward, he began to deteriorate. Harold sees now that Jude “had decided that Caleb was right, that he was disgusting,” and that he had chosen to believe Caleb over his friends. When things get really bad, Harold will wonder if he could’ve said or done any more.