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Part 3, Chapter 2: Home
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Dear America, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Citizenship, Belonging, and Identity
Family, Love, and Intimacy
Immigration Politics and Policy
Journalism, Storytelling, and the Power of Truth
Summary
Analysis
A friend once complimented Vargas on his talent at “distant intimacy.” He explains that he creates separation in all of his relationships, because he’s “a complicated problem with no easy solution.” He can’t handle serious romantic relationships. He left one relationship as soon as his boyfriend said, “I love you.” When another gave him thoughtful Valentine’s Day gifts, he couldn’t handle it and left. He used to think that coming out as undocumented would fix this fear, because he wouldn’t need to pass anymore. But actually, it has only gotten worse. He’s even growing distant from his friends.
Vargas makes it clear that his immigration-related traumas—especially his separation from his mother and his constant fear of deportation—are responsible for his pattern of “distant intimacy.” After losing his mother, he has learned to expect love and emotional intimacy to be followed by pain and loss. Because he is constantly preparing to suddenly lose his country, getting too attached to anything or anyone means risking losing them, too.
Themes
For many years, Vargas’s closest friend was Jake Brewer, a sympathetic, charming, well-connected Tennessean who worked in nonprofits. Jake helped Vargas start up Define American and hire key staffers like the campaign director Ryan Eller. Jake always believed in Vargas, even when Vargas didn’t believe in himself. But he also told that Vargas that he’d eventually have to learn to open up to people. In 2015, a car hit Jake during a charity bike ride, killing him. Vargas was devastated. But he couldn’t break his pattern of distant intimacy. When his close friend Christina had a baby boy, Vargas was afraid to visit and meet him. Christina sent him a beautiful email, which led him to wonder why he keeps running away from people, and whether he can learn to stop.
Vargas’s friendship with Jake shows how, even if Vargas’s experiences have hurt his capacity for emotional intimacy, he can still recognize and appreciate others’ love and kindness toward him. He isn’t a misanthropist who hates love and intimacy. Rather, he deeply wants love and intimacy, but is afraid of pursuing them and then suffering another devastating loss. While tragic, Jake’s death also showed him why he needs to change his pattern. Vargas didn’t regret getting close to Jake—he regretted not getting closer. Jake’s death demonstrates that all love always carries the possibility of loss. Thus, for Vargas to learn to truly love again, he has to learn to cope with uncertainty, and not necessarily to eliminate it from his life.
Themes
