None of the families in They Both Die at the End are conventional, whole, or uncomplicated. Mateo’s mother died in childbirth with him, while Mateo’s dad is in a coma; Rufus lost his parents and older sister months before the novel begins and is now in foster care; and Lidia is raising Penny with the help of her Abuelita, as her boyfriend Christian died weeks before Penny was born. However, all of these characters make a point to reach out to their friends and to chosen family for companionship and support: Mateo watches Penny so Lidia can have time to herself, while Rufus becomes a beloved member of the Plutos, the group comprised of Rufus and three other kids in foster care. They Both Die at the End shows that despite difficult family situations, people can still find community and companionship—but they must turn to friendship and to chosen family, rather than focusing on blood family.
The most poignant example of chosen family within the novel is the Plutos, the group that Rufus, Tagoe, Malcolm, and Aimee form in their foster home. They call themselves the Plutos because in the same way that the dwarf planet Pluto was demoted from being a real planet, they’ve all been “demoted” from their blood families in some way. This, however, doesn’t mean that the boys don’t still need love, care, and connection—but it does mean that they have to look for it elsewhere. This is especially true since their foster parents, Francis and Jenn Lori, are caring but somewhat distant. They provide food, shelter, and serve the Plutos’ basic needs in terms of emotional support, but there are also limits on what they can do to support four grieving, abandoned, and distrustful older teens. The most important thing that Francis and Jenn Lori do is give the Plutos space to form close, intimate bonds with one another; this allows the Plutos themselves to support one another in ways that Francis and Jenn Lori cannot. Even though Francis and Jenn Lori fall short in some ways, Rufus’s emotional stability and happiness that he ended up in their home is a testament to the idea that families don’t have to look a certain way or be created in any particular way to be sufficiently supportive. What matters instead is that the members of a family care about one another and show that, to the greatest extent that they can.
The novel also goes to great lengths to show that in addition to support like the Plutos provide Rufus, friends—especially new ones—have the power to help people become who they want to be. Mateo has always wanted to be an open, carefree person who sings in front of people and wears silly clothes. But due to his anxiety and the self-isolation he uses to cope with it, Mateo seldom gets to be that person except for in his head. As an entirely new person to Mateo, Rufus is able to enter Mateo’s life and turn it upside-down. While Lidia, for instance, provides Mateo with a stable, dependable friendship that doesn’t stray outside of his comfort zone, Rufus recognizes that there’s more to Mateo than his shy, quiet appearance might suggest. Through Rufus is still a good friend by many standards—he’s respectful of Mateo’s limits, he’s kind, and he keeps his promises to Mateo when he makes them—he also doesn’t have years of history with Mateo, and so he’s better able than anyone else to convince Mateo that he can indeed change who he is—even on the last day of his life. Because of this, it’s possible to argue that Rufus is the only person who gets to see Mateo exactly as he wants to be seen. Because Rufus is able to convince Mateo to sing, be silly, and admit his sexual orientation (Mateo comes out as gay), he sees Mateo like no one else. Thus, Mateo gets to die as the person he wants to be—all because of Rufus’s affirming, supportive friendship.
Dalma Young, the creator of the Last Friend app, understands the intense need for friendship in people’s lives—she did, after all, create an app designed to give lonely people a friend in their final hours. And indeed, her app helps Mateo and Rufus, who are going to die on the same day, find each other. In terms of beginning a friendship, Last Friend removes many barriers that people face to becoming friends on any other day of their lives. Because Mateo and Rufus are well aware that they’re going to die at the end of the day, they’re more willing than they might normally be to open themselves up to a complete stranger and share their deepest secrets with each other. And ultimately, this leads to the beginning of Mateo and Rufus’s chosen family when they kiss and vocalize that they love each other. However tender their romantic relationship might be, both boys purposefully focus on their friendship, not necessarily on their romantic relationship, when they talk about their relationship to each other. Over the course of the boys’ End Day, thanks to Last Friend, they find the friend that neither of them had been able to find up to this point: the one capable of growing into a life partner, even if that life together only lasts a single day. Friendship, the novel shows, is an essential element of being human—it’s important enough to spend one’s last day cultivating.
Friendship and Chosen Family ThemeTracker
Friendship and Chosen Family Quotes in They Both Die at the End
Fast-forward five years when Death-Cast came into the picture and suddenly everyone was awake at their own funerals. Having the chance to say goodbye before you die is an incredible opportunity, but isn’t that time better spent actually living? Maybe I would feel differently if I could count on people showing up to my funeral. If I had more friends than I do fingers.
But I was wrong, go figure. This is exactly the person I always wanted to be—loose, fun, carefree. No one will look at this photo and think it was out of character, because none of these people know me, and their only expectations of me are to be the person I’m presenting myself as in my profile.
Rufus E. (3:19 a.m.): Hey, Mateo. Nice hat.
He not only responded, but he likes my Luigi hat from my profile picture. He’s already connecting to the person I want to become.
But I wasn’t honest with Rufus because, on a deep level, I do believe partying on the train is my kind of scene. It’s just that the fear of disappointing others or making a fool of myself always wins.
This is Penny’s beginning. And one day she’ll find herself on the terrible end of a Death-Cast call and it sucks how we’re all being raised to die. Yes, we live, or we’re given the chance to, at least, but sometimes living is hard and complicated because of fear.
I believe him. He’s not monstrous. Monsters don’t come to your home to help you live; they trap you in your bed and eat you alive. “People make mistakes,” I say.
“And my friends are the ones being punished,” Rufus says. “Their last memory of me will be running out the back door from my own funeral because the cops were coming for me. I left them behind... I’ve spent the last four months feeling abandoned by my family dying, and in a split second I did the same damn thing to my new family.”
I don’t know if he’s playing it off like he doesn’t know this from my Last Friend profile or if he’s impacted by this piece of history between me and my sister or if he overlooked this on my profile and is some ass who cares about who other people kiss. I hope not. We’re friends now, hands down, and it’s not forced. I met this kid a few years ago because some creative designer somewhere developed an app to forge connections. I’d hate to disconnect.
Twelve hours ago I received the phone call telling me I’m going to die today. In my own Mateo way, I’ve said tons of goodbyes already [...] but the most important goodbye is the one I said to Past Mateo, who I left behind at home when my Last Friend accompanied me into a world that has it out for us. Rufus has done so much for me and I’m here to help him confront any demons following him [...]
I buy the mystery book and the postcards, thank Joel for his help, and we leave. Rufus said the key to his relationships was speaking up. I can do this with the postcards, but I have to use my voice, too.
“Welcome to the World Travel Arena. Sorry to lose you three.”
“I’m not dying,” Lidia corrects.
“Oh. Cost for guests is going to be one hundred dollars,” the teller says. He looks at me and Rufus. “Suggested donation is one dollar for Deckers.”
I pay for all our tickets, donating an extra couple hundred dollars in the hope that the arena remains open for many, many years.
“I know there’s no time to waste, but I had to be sure you are who I thought you were. The best thing about dying is your friendship.” I never thought I would find someone I could say words like this to.
“What would’ve made you happy?” Delilah asks.
Love comes to mind, immediately, and it surprises him like a lightning bolt on a day with clear forecasts. Howie never felt lonely, because he could go online at any moment and find himself flooded with messages. But affection from millions and intimacy from that one special person are completely different beasts.
You may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you’ll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk.
“I always wanted to stumble into someone like you and it sucks that I had to find you through a stupid app.”
“I like the Last Friend app. [...] I think the app puts you out there more than anything else. For me, it meant admitting I was lonely and wanted to connect with someone.”