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Act 3, Scene 1
As You Like It Translation Act 3, Scene 2
Enter ORLANDO, with a paper
ORLANDO
Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love. And thou, thrice-crownéd queen of night, survey With thy chaste eye, from thy pale sphere above, Thy huntress' name that my full life doth sway. O Rosalind, these trees shall be my books, And in their barks my thoughts I’ll character, That every eye which in this forest looks Shall see thy virtue witnessed everywhere. Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
ORLANDO
Hang there on this tree, you verse of my poetry, as a witness for my love. And you, goddess Diana, queen of the night: with your virginal eye from your pale home in the moon above, survey your huntress Rosalind, whose name rules my whole life. Oh, Rosalind, these trees will be my books, and I'll write down my thoughts in their bark. That way, everyone who looks around in this forest will see your excellence described everywhere. Run, run, Orlando, and on every tree carve verses about the beautiful, the chaste, the indescribable Rosalind.
Exit
Enter CORIN and TOUCHSTONE
CORIN
And how like you this shepherd’s life, Master Touchstone?
CORIN
And how do you like this shepherd's life, Master Touchstone?
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, shepherd, in respect of itself, it is a good life; but in respect that it is a shepherd’s life, it isnaught. In respect that it is solitary, I like it very well; but in respect that it is private, it is a very vile life. Now in respect it is in the fields, it pleaseth me well; but in respect it is not in the court,it is tedious. As it is a spare life, look you, it fitsmy humor well; but as there is no more plenty in it, itgoes much against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, shepherd, in itself it is a good life. But considering that it's a shepherd's life, it's worthless. In that it's solitary, I like it very well. But since it's lonely, it's a terrible life. Because it's in the fields, it pleases me greatly. But because it isn't in the court, it's boring. Because it is a simple life, it suits my nature well. But as there is no plenty in it, it goes against my taste. Are you any kind of philosopher, shepherd?
CORIN
No more but that I know the more one sickens, the worseat ease he is, and that he that wants money, means, andcontent is without three good friends; that the property of rain is to wet, and fire to burn; that good pasture makes fat sheep; and that a great cause of the night is lack of the sun; that he that hath learned no wit by nature nor art may complain of good breeding or comes of a very dull kindred.
CORIN
Only in the fact that I know that the sicker you get, the worse you feel. And that if you lack money, a job, and contentment, then you are without three good friends. And that rain is wet and fire is burning; and that good grass makes fat sheep; and that the main cause of night is the lack of sun; and that he who isn't witty by nature or education can complain that he comes from dull parents or lacked a good upbringing.
TOUCHSTONE
Such a one is a natural philosopher. Wast ever in court, shepherd?
TOUCHSTONE
Then you are a natural philosopher. Were you ever at the court, shepherd?
CORIN
No, truly.
CORIN
Honestly, no.
TOUCHSTONE
Then thou art damned.
TOUCHSTONE
Then you are damned.
CORIN
Nay, I hope.
CORIN
I hope not.
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, thou art damned, like an ill-roasted egg, all onone side.
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, you are damned, like an egg cooked only on one side.
CORIN
For not being at court? Your reason.
CORIN
Just because I've never been at court? Explain your reasoning.
TOUCHSTONE
Why, if thou never wast at court, thou never saw’st good manners; if thou never saw’st good manners, then thy manners must be wicked, and wickedness is sin, and sin is damnation. Thou art in a parlous state, shepherd.
TOUCHSTONE
Why, if you were never at court, then you never saw good manners. And so your own manners must be wicked, and wickedness is a sin, and sin is damnation. You are in a perilous state, shepherd.
CORIN
Not a whit, Touchstone. Those that are good manners atthe court are as ridiculous in the country as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court. You told me you salute not at the court but you kiss yourhands. That courtesy would be uncleanly if courtiers were shepherds.
CORIN
Not at all, Touchstone. What passes for good manners at the court looks just as ridiculous in the country as country behavior is so mockable at the court. You told me that you don't greet each other at the court without kissing your hands. If courtiers were shepherds, that kind of courtesy would be vulgar.
TOUCHSTONE
Instance, briefly. Come, instance.
TOUCHSTONE
Give me proof, briefly. Come, give me an example.
CORIN
Why, we are still handling our ewes, and their fells, you know, are greasy.
CORIN
Why, because we shepherds are always handling our sheep, and their fleece is greasy, you know.
TOUCHSTONE
Why, do not your courtier’s hands sweat? And is not thegrease of a mutton as wholesome as the sweat of a man? Shallow, shallow. A better instance, I say. Come.
TOUCHSTONE
What, don't courtiers' hands sweat? And isn't the grease of a sheep as good as the sweat of a man? Poor example, poor. Give me better proof, I say. Come on.
CORIN
Besides, our hands are hard.
CORIN
Besides, our hands are calloused.
TOUCHSTONE
Your lips will feel them the sooner. Shallow again. A more sounder instance. Come.
TOUCHSTONE
Then your lips will feel them even sooner. Come on, a more sound example.
CORIN
And they are often tarred over with the surgery of our sheep; and would you have us kiss tar? The courtier’s hands are perfumed with civet.
CORIN
And they are often covered with tar from treating the wounds of our sheep. And would you have us kiss tar? Courtiers' hands are expensively perfumed.
TOUCHSTONE
Most shallow man. Thou worms' meat in respect of a goodpiece of flesh, indeed. Learn of the wise and perpend: civet is of a baser birth than tar, the very uncleanly flux of a cat. Mend the instance, shepherd.
TOUCHSTONE
You most shallow man. Indeed, you are like rotting flesh in the middle of a good steak. Learn from those wiser than you, and consider: the perfume used by courtiers—civet—is filthier than tar, as it is made from the unclean secretions of a cat. Improve your proof, shepherd.
CORIN
You have too courtly a wit for me. I’ll rest.
CORIN
Your wit is too courtly for me. I'll rest my case.
TOUCHSTONE
Wilt thou rest damned? God help thee, shallow man. God make incision in thee; thou art raw.
TOUCHSTONE
You'll rest while still damned? God help you, you foolish man. I hope that God does some surgery on you; you are sick.
CORIN
Sir, I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that Iwear, owe no man hate, envy no man’s happiness, glad ofother men’s good, content with my harm, and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes graze and my lambs suck.
CORIN
Sir, I am a true and simple laborer. I earn what I eat and wear; hate no man; envy no man's happiness; am glad of others' good fortune; am resigned to my own bad luck; and the greatest source of my pride is to see my ewes graze and my lambs feed.
TOUCHSTONE
That is another simple sin in you, to bring the ewes and the rams together and to offer to get your living bythe copulation of cattle; to be bawd to a bellwether and to betray a she-lamb of a twelvemonth to a crooked-pated old cuckoldly ram, out of all reasonable match. If thou be’st not damned for this, the devil himself will have no shepherds. I cannot see else how thou shouldst ’scape.
TOUCHSTONE
That's another sin you weren't aware of: bringing ewes and rams together and making a living by their copulation. You play the pimp for the year-old ewe, betraying her by forcing her to mate with a crooked-headed, horny old ram. That's totally outside the realm of acceptable pairings. If you're not damned for this, it must mean that the devil wants no shepherds in hell. I can't see how else you could escape.
CORIN
Here comes young Master Ganymede, my new mistress’s brother.
CORIN
Here comes young Master Ganymede.
Enter ROSALIND, with a paper, reading
ROSALIND
[as Ganymede, reading] From the east to western Ind, No jewel is like Rosalind. Her worth being mounted on the wind, Through all the world bears Rosalind. All the pictures fairest lined Are but black to Rosalind. Let no fair be kept in mind But the fair of Rosalind.
ROSALIND
[Reading] "From the east to the west Indies,
No jewel is like Rosalind.
Her worth is carried by the wind,
Through all the world it bears the name Rosalind.
All the brightest, most beautiful paintings
Are black compared to Rosalind.
Don't think of any beauty
But the beauty of Rosalind."
TOUCHSTONE
I’ll rhyme you so eight years together, dinners and suppers and sleeping hours excepted. It is the right butter-women’s rank to market.
TOUCHSTONE
I could rhyme like that for eight years straight, taking breaks only to eat and sleep. The verses plod on monotonously like dairy women marching off to the market.
ROSALIND
Out, fool.
ROSALIND
That's enough, fool.
TOUCHSTONE
For a taste: If a hart do lack a hind, Let him seek out Rosalind. If the cat will after kind, So, be sure, will Rosalind. Winter garments must be lined, So must slender Rosalind. They that reap must sheaf and bind, Then to cart with Rosalind. Sweetest nut hath sourest rind; Such a nut is Rosalind. He that sweetest rose will find Must find love’s prick, and Rosalind. This is the very false gallop of verses. Why do you infect yourself with them?
TOUCHSTONE
Here's a taste: If a buck should need a hind, let him seek out Rosalind. If a cat should look for a mate in kind, certainly also will Rosalind. Winter garments must be lined, and so must skinny Rosalind. Those who harvest must sheaf and bind, then throw on the market cart ripe Rosalind. The sweetest nut has the sourest rind, and such a nut is Rosalind. He who the sweetest rose will find, will also find love's thorn, and Rosalind. This is the way those verses gallop unevenly along. Why infect yourself by listening to them?
ROSALIND
Peace, you dull fool. I found them on a tree.
ROSALIND
Quiet, you dull fool. I found them attached a tree.
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, the tree yields bad fruit.
TOUCHSTONE
Honestly, that tree yields rotten fruit.
ROSALIND
I’ll graft it with you, and then I shall graft it with a medlar. Then it will be the earliest fruit i' th' country, for you’ll be rotten ere you be half ripe, and that’s the right virtue of the medlar.
ROSALIND
I'll graft you onto that tree, which will be grafting it with a medlar. The fruit the tree bears will then be the earliest ripe fruit in the country, for you'll be rotten before you're half-ripe, which is the way medlars should be.
TOUCHSTONE
You have said, but whether wisely or no, let the forest judge.
TOUCHSTONE
You've had your say now, but let the forest judge whether your words are wise or not.
Enter CELIA, with a writing
ROSALIND
Peace. Here comes my sister reading. Stand aside.
ROSALIND
Quiet. Here comes my cousin, reading something. Step aside.
CELIA
[as Aliena, reads] Why should this a desert be? For it is unpeopled? No. Tongues I’ll hang on every tree That shall civil sayings show. Some how brief the life of man Runs his erring pilgrimage, That the stretching of a span Buckles in his sum of age; Some of violated vows 'Twixt the souls of friend and friend. But upon the fairest boughs, Or at every sentence end, Will I “Rosalinda” write, Teaching all that read to know The quintessence of every sprite Heaven would in little show. Therefore heaven nature charged That one body should be filled With all graces wide-enlarged. Nature presently distilled Helen’s cheek, but not her heart, Cleopatra’s majesty, Atalanta’s better part, Sad Lucretia’s modesty. Thus Rosalind of many parts By heavenly synod was devised, Of many faces, eyes, and hearts To have the touches dearest prized. Heaven would that she these gifts should have And I to live and die her slave.
CELIA
[Reading]
Why should this place be a desert?
Because it is uninhabited? No.
I'll hang poems on every tree
that will portray the comments of a city.
Some will be on how brief life is—
Which man spends in wandering pilgrimage—
So that the width of an open hand
contains his entire lifetime.
Some will be about broken promises
Between the souls of friends.
But on the most beautiful branches,
Or at the end of every sentence,
I'll write "Rosalinda,"
Teaching everyone who can read to know
That the purest essence of every spirit
Has been contained within this one person.
Heaven commanded Nature
To fill her one body
With all the graces usually spread through all women.
Nature then distilled together
Helen of Troy's beautiful face, without her treacherous heart,
Cleopatra's majesty,
The best parts of Atalanta,
And solemn Lucretia's modesty.
In this way Rosalind was composed of many parts—
By the decree of heaven—
That of the many faces, eyes, and hearts,
She might have only the most prized features of all.
Heaven wanted her to have these gifts,
And wanted me to live and die as her slave.
ROSALIND
O most gentle Jupiter, what tedious homily of love haveyou wearied your parishioners withal, and never cried, “Have patience, good people.”
ROSALIND
Oh, most noble Jupiter, what a tedious sermon of love you have been wearying your congregation with! You should have warned them, "Have patience, good people."
CELIA
[as Aliena] How now?—Back, friends.—Shepherd, go off a little.—Go with him, sirrah.
CELIA
What now? Move back, my friends.
[To CORIN] Shepherd, go off a little ways.
[To TOUCHSTONE] Go with him, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
Come, shepherd, let us make an honorable retreat, though not with bag and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.
TOUCHSTONE
Come, shepherd. Let us make an honorable retreat, though not like an army with its equipment, but rather like a shepherd with his pouch and what he keeps in it.
Exeunt CORIN and TOUCHSTONE
CELIA
Didst thou hear these verses?
CELIA
Did you hear those verses?
ROSALIND
Oh, yes, I heard them all, and more too, for some of them had in them more feet than the verses would bear.
ROSALIND
Oh yes, I heard them all, and more too—for some of the lines had more feet in them than the verses could bear.
CELIA
That’s no matter. The feet might bear the verses.
CELIA
That's no matter. The feet can bear the verses.
ROSALIND
Ay, but the feet were lame and could not bear themselves without the verse, and therefore stood lamelyin the verse.
ROSALIND
Yes, but the feet were lame and couldn't carry themselves without the verses, and therefore stood badly within the verse.
CELIA
But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name should be hanged and carved upon these trees?
CELIA
But did you hear all that without wondering why your name should be written and hung upon all these trees?
ROSALIND
I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder before you came, for look here what I found on a palm tree. I was never so berhymed since Pythagoras' time, that I wasan Irish rat, which I can hardly remember.
ROSALIND
I was almost through with my time of wonder when you arrived, for look here what I found on a palm tree. I haven't been rhymed about this since my past life as an Irish rat, which I can hardly remember.
CELIA
Trow you who hath done this?
CELIA
Do you know who has written these?
ROSALIND
Is it a man?
ROSALIND
Is it a man?
CELIA
And a chain, that you once wore, about his neck. Changeyou color?
CELIA
A man who has a chain, which you once wore, hanging around his neck. Do you blush?
ROSALIND
I prithee, who?
ROSALIND
Please, who is he?
CELIA
O Lord, Lord, it is a hard matter for friends to meet, but mountains may be removed with earthquakes and so encounter.
CELIA
Oh, Lord, Lord. It may be hard to bring two friends together, but even mountains can be moved together by earthquakes.
ROSALIND
Nay, but who is it?
ROSALIND
No, who is it?
CELIA
Is it possible?
CELIA
Is it possible?
ROSALIND
Nay, I prithee now, with most petitionary vehemence, tell me who it is.
ROSALIND
Please, I'm begging you now most sincerely, tell me who it is.
CELIA
O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful wonderful, and yet again wonderful, and after that, out of all whooping!
CELIA
Oh this is wonderful, wonderful, and most wondrously wonderful, and another wonderful, and after that, wonderful beyond measure!
ROSALIND
Good my complexion, dost thou think though I am caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more is a South Sea of discovery. I prithee, tell me who is it quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst stammer, that thou might’st pour this concealed man out of thy mouth as wine comes out of a narrow-mouthed bottle— either too much at once, or none at all. I prithee take the cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings.
ROSALIND
Good grief, do you think that because I am dressed like a man, I also have a man's patience? One more second of delay is as endless to me as a journey exploring the South Seas. Please, tell me who it is quickly, and speak fast. I wish you could stammer this hidden man out of your mouth like wine flowing from a narrow-necked bottle—either too much at once, or none at all. I beg you, take the cork out of your mouth, that I might drink up your news.
CELIA
So you may put a man in your belly.
CELIA
So that you could then put a man in your belly.
ROSALIND
Is he of God’s making? What manner of man? Is his head worth a hat or his chin worth a beard?
ROSALIND
Is he a real, flesh-and-blood man? What kind of man is he? Is he enough of a man to wear a hat on his head and grow a beard on his chin?
CELIA
Nay, he hath but a little beard.
CELIA
No, he has only a little beard.
ROSALIND
Why, God will send more, if the man will be thankful. Let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
ROSALIND
Well, God will send him a bigger beard, if the man is thankful. I'll wait for his beard to grow, if you will stop delaying in telling me what chin that beard grows on.
CELIA
It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler’s heels and your heart both in an instant.
CELIA
It is young Orlando, who conquered both the wrestler and your heart in the same moment.
ROSALIND
Nay, but the devil take mocking. Speak sad brow and true maid.
ROSALIND
No—curse you if you're mocking me. Speak seriously and truthfully.
CELIA
I' faith, coz, ’tis he.
CELIA
I promise, cousin, it's him.
ROSALIND
Orlando?
ROSALIND
Orlando?
CELIA
Orlando.
CELIA
Orlando.
ROSALIND
Alas the day, what shall I do with my doublet and hose? What did he when thou saw’st him? What said he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes him here? Didhe ask for me? Where remains he? How parted he with thee? And when shalt thou see him again? Answer me in one word.
ROSALIND
Oh no, what will I do with my man's outfit? What did he do when you saw him? What did he say? How did he look? What did he wear? What brings him here? Did he ask for me? Where is he staying? How did he say goodbye to you? And when will you see him again? Answer me in one word.
CELIA
You must borrow me Gargantua’s mouth first. 'Tis a word too great for any mouth of this age’s size. To say ay and no to these particulars is more than to answer ina catechism.
CELIA
You must lend me a giant's mouth first, as such a word would be too big for any mouth these days. To say "yes" and "no" to these questions is harder than answering the questions of a catechism.
ROSALIND
But doth he know that I am in this forest and in man’s apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the day he wrestled?
ROSALIND
But does he know that I am here in this forest and dressed like a man? Does he look as healthy as he did the day he wrestled?
CELIA
It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the propositions of a lover. But take a taste of my finding him, and relish it with good observance. I found him under a tree like a dropped acorn.
CELIA
It's easier to count dust particles than to answer a lover's many questions. But have a taste of my story, and add sauce to it by paying attention. I found Orlando under a tree, like a dropped acorn.
ROSALIND
It may well be called Jove’s tree when it drops forth such fruit.
ROSALIND
The oak is truly Jove's tree, as it drops such divine fruit.
CELIA
Give me audience, good madam.
CELIA
Let me speak, good madam.
ROSALIND
Proceed.
ROSALIND
Continue.
CELIA
There lay he, stretched along like a wounded knight.
CELIA
There he lay, stretched out like a wounded knight.
ROSALIND
Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well becomesthe ground.
ROSALIND
Though it would be sad to see such a sight, he must have made even the ground beneath him look better.
CELIA
Cry “holla” to thy tongue, I prithee. It curvets unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.
CELIA
Tell your tongue to halt, please. It's leaping around out of turn. He was dressed like a hunter.
ROSALIND
Oh, ominous! He comes to kill my heart.
ROSALIND
Oh, how ominous! He comes to kill my heart.
CELIA
I would sing my song without a burden. Thou bring’st me out of tune.
CELIA
I would like to sing my song solo. You throw me off key.
ROSALIND
Do you not know I am a woman? When I think, I must speak. Sweet, say on.
ROSALIND
Don't you know that I am a woman? When I think, I must speak. Now go on, sweet one.
CELIA
You bring me out. Soft, comes he not here?
CELIA
You've made me forget the tune. But quiet, isn't he coming here now?
Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES
ROSALIND
'Tis he. Slink by, and note him.
ROSALIND
It's him. Let's sneak away and watch him.
JAQUES
I thank you for your company, but, good faith, I had aslief have been myself alone.
JAQUES
I thank you for your company. But, really, I would just as soon be alone.
ORLANDO
And so had I, but yet, for fashion sake, I thank you too for your society.
ORLANDO
And the same with me. But still, for appearances' sake, I'll thank you also for your company.
JAQUES
God be wi' you. Let’s meet as little as we can.
JAQUES
God be with you. Let's meet as infrequently as we can.
ORLANDO
I do desire we may be better strangers.
ORLANDO
I too hope that we can be better strangers.
JAQUES
I pray you mar no more trees with writing love songs intheir barks.
JAQUES
Please don't wound any more trees by carving love poems in their bark.
ORLANDO
I pray you mar no more of my verses with reading them ill- favoredly.
ORLANDO
Please don't wound any more of my verses by reading them so badly.
JAQUES
Rosalind is your love’s name?
JAQUES
Your love's name is Rosalind?
ORLANDO
Yes, just.
ORLANDO
Yes, that's right.
JAQUES
I do not like her name.
JAQUES
I do not like her name.
ORLANDO
There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.
ORLANDO
No one thought about pleasing you when she was named.
JAQUES
What stature is she of?
JAQUES
How tall is she?
ORLANDO
Just as high as my heart.
ORLANDO
Just as tall as my heart.
JAQUES
You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been acquainted with goldsmiths' wives and conned them out ofrings?
jaques
You are full of pretty answers. Are you friends with goldsmith's wives from whom you've stolen their rings, memorizing the love mottoes engraved on them?
ORLANDO
Not so. But I answer you right painted cloth, from whence you have studied your questions.
ORLANDO
No, but I can answer you with the stock sayings of painted wall hangings, which is where you must have learned all these questions you're asking.
JAQUES
You have a nimble wit. I think ’twas made of Atalanta’sheels. Will you sit down with me? And we two will rail against our mistress the world and all our misery.
JAQUES
You have a fast wit. It seems as quick as Atalanta's feet. Will you sit down with me? Together we can complain about our mistress—the world—and all our misery.
ORLANDO
I will chide no breather in the world but myself, against whom I know most faults.
ORLANDO
I won't blame any living thing in this world except myself, whose faults I know best.
JAQUES
The worst fault you have is to be in love.
JAQUES
Your worst fault is being in love.
ORLANDO
'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue. I am weary of you.
ORLANDO
It's a fault I wouldn't trade for your best virtue. I'm tired of you.
JAQUES
By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
JAQUES
I swear, I was looking for a fool when I found you, and I seem to have been successful.
ORLANDO
He is drowned in the brook. Look but in, and you shall see him.
ORLANDO
Your fool drowned in the brook. Just look in, and you'll see him.
JAQUES
There I shall see mine own figure.
JAQUES
There I will only see myself.
ORLANDO
Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.
ORLANDO
Who must then be either a fool or a nothing.
JAQUES
I’ll tarry no longer with you. Farewell, good Signior Love.
JAQUES
I won't waste my time with you any more. Farewell, good Mister Love.
ORLANDO
I am glad of your departure. Adieu, good MonsieurMelancholy.
ORLANDO
I am glad to see you leave. Farewell, good Mister Gloom.
Exit JAQUES
ROSALIND
[aside to CELIA] I will speak to him like a saucy lackey, and under that habit play the knave with him.—Doyou hear, forester?
ROSALIND
[To CELIA so that only she can hear] I will speak to him as if I'm an insolent servant, and in that disguise I can trick him.
[To ORLANDO] Can you hear me, forest-dweller?
ORLANDO
Very well. What would you?
ORLANDO
Very well. What do you want?
ROSALIND
[As Ganymede) I pray you, what is ’t o'clock?
ROSALIND
[As Ganymede] Please, what time does the clock say?
ORLANDO
You should ask me what time o' day. There’s no clock in the forest.
ORLANDO
You should ask me what time of day it is instead. There's no clock in the forest.
ROSALIND
Then there is no true lover in the forest, else sighingevery minute and groaning every hour would detect the lazy foot of time as well as a clock.
ROSALIND
Then there is no true lover in the forest either, for they are as regular as a clock— their sighing every minute and groaning every hour would easily mark the lazy progress of time.
ORLANDO
And why not the swift foot of time? Had not that been as proper?
ORLANDO
Why do you say the "lazy progress" and not the "swift progress" of time? Wouldn't that have been just as accurate?
ROSALIND
By no means, sir. Time travels in diverse paces with diverse persons. I’ll tell you who time ambles withal, who time trots withal, who time gallops withal, and who he stands still withal.
ROSALIND
By no means, sir. Time travels at different speeds for different people. I can tell you who time strolls with, who time trots with, who time gallops with, and who time stands still for.
ORLANDO
I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
ORLANDO
Please, who does time trot with?
ROSALIND
Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnized. If the interim be but a se'nnight, time’s pace is so hardthat it seems the length of seven year.
ROSALIND
Well, it trots painfully for a young maid between her engagement and the day she gets married. This time period might be only seven days, but time's pace is so torturous that it seems like seven years.
ORLANDO
Who ambles time withal?
ORLANDO
And who does time stroll with?
ROSALIND
With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that hathnot the gout, for the one sleeps easily because he cannot study and the other lives merrily because he feels no pain— the one lacking the burden of lean and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden of heavy tedious penury. These time ambles withal.
ROSALIND
With a priest who doesn't know Latin and a rich man who doesn't have gout—for the one sleeps easily because he can't stay up late studying, and the other lives merrily because he isn't in pain. One lacks the burden of hard, exhausting study, and the other doesn't have the burden of heavy, tedious poverty. Time ambles along for both of these.
ORLANDO
Who doth he gallop withal?
ORLANDO
And who does it gallop with?
ROSALIND
With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as softlyas foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.
ROSALIND
With a thief on his way to the gallows. He walks as slowly as he possibly can, but he still gets there too soon.
ORLANDO
Who stays it still withal?
ORLANDO
And who does time stand still for?
ROSALIND
With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between term and term, and then they perceive not how time moves.
ROSALIND
For lawyers on vacation, because they sleep between court session and court session, and so have no perception of how time moves.
ORLANDO
Where dwell you, pretty youth?
ORLANDO
Where do you live, clever youth?
ROSALIND
With this shepherdess, my sister, here in the skirts of the forest like fringe upon a petticoat.
ROSALIND
With this shepherdess, my sister, here in the outskirts of the forest, which is like fringe on a petticoat.
ORLANDO
Are you native of this place?
ORLANDO
Were you born in this place?
ROSALIND
As the cony that you see dwell where she is kindled.
ROSALIND
I am as much a native here as the rabbit you see, who lives where she is born.
ORLANDO
Your accent is something finer than you could purchasein so removed a dwelling.
ORLANDO
Your accent is more refined than the one usually acquired in such a remote place.
ROSALIND
I have been told so of many. But indeed an old religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was in his youth an inland man, one that knew courtship too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard him read many lectures against it, and I thank God I am not a woman, to be touched with so many giddy offenses as he hath generally taxed their whole sex withal.
ROSALIND
Many people have told me this. But actually an old religious uncle of mine taught me how to speak, and he was a city-dweller in his youth—one who knew both courtliness and courtship too well, for he fell in love in the city. I have since heard him read many lectures condemning falling in love. And I thank God that I'm not a woman, to be corrupted by the many faults of giddiness that trouble that entire sex.
ORLANDO
Can you remember any of the principal evils that he laid to the charge of women?
ORLANDO
Can you remember any of the greatest evils your uncle ascribed to women?
ROSALIND
There were none principal. They were all like one another as half-pence are, every one fault seeming monstrous till his fellow fault came to match it.
ROSALIND
There were no greatest ones. They were all as similar as one halfpenny to another, with each fault seeming the most monstrous until the next fault came along to match it.
ORLANDO
I prithee, recount some of them.
ORLANDO
Please, tell me some of them.
ROSALIND
No, I will not cast away my physic but on those that are sick. There is a man haunts the forest that abuses our young plants with carving “Rosalind” on their barks,hangs odes upon hawthorns and elegies on brambles, all,forsooth, deifying the name of Rosalind. If I could meet that fancy-monger I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the quotidian of love uponhim.
ROSALIND
No, I won't give away my medicine except to those who are sick. There is a man haunting this forest who abuses our young trees by carving "Rosalind" in their bark. He hangs odes on the hawthorns and elegies on the brambles, and every single one of those poems—I'm being honest here—worships the name of "Rosalind." If I could meet this man—whose business seems to be advertising love—I would give him some good advice, for he seems to have the constant fever of love upon him.
ORLANDO
I am he that is so love-shaked. I pray you tell me yourremedy.
ORLANDO
I am that man, the one who is so shaken by love. Please tell me about your medicine.
ROSALIND
There is none of my uncle’s marks upon you. He taught me how to know a man in love, in which cage of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.
ROSALIND
But you don't have any of the symptoms my uncle described. He taught me how to recognize a man in love, and I am sure that you aren't a prisoner of that flimsy cage.
ORLANDO
What were his marks?
ORLANDO
What were the symptoms he described?
ROSALIND
A lean cheek, which you have not; a blue eye and sunken, which you have not; an unquestionable spirit, which you have not; a beard neglected, which you have not— but I pardon you for that, for simply your having inbeard is a younger brother’s revenue. Then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied, and everything about you demonstrating a careless desolation. But you are no suchman. You are rather point-device in your accouterments,as loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.
ROSALIND
A thin face, which you don't have; dark circles under the eyes from sleeplessness, which you don't have; a neglected beard, which you don't have—but I can forgive you for that, since you are young and barely have a beard anyway. Your stockings should be falling down; your hat missing its band; your sleeves unbuttoned; your shoes untied; and everything about you demonstrating carelessness and anguish. But you are no such man as this. You are perfect in your dress, like someone who loves himself more than anyone else.
ORLANDO
Fair youth, I would I could make thee believe I love.
ORLANDO
Handsome youth, I wish I could make you believe that I'm in love.
ROSALIND
Me believe it? You may as soon make her that you love believe it, which I warrant she is apter to do than to confess she does. That is one of the points in the whichwomen still give the lie to their consciences. But, in good sooth, are you he that hangs the verses on the trees wherein Rosalind is so admired?
ROSALIND
Make me believe it? You might as well make the one you love believe it, which I suspect she's more likely to do than to admit to doing. That is one of the ways in which women contradict what they know to be true in their hearts. But truly, are you the man who hangs those love poems to Rosalind on the trees?
ORLANDO
I swear to thee, youth, by the white hand of Rosalind,I am that he, that unfortunate he.
ORLANDO
I swear to you by Rosalind's fair hand, young man: I am that unfortunate man.
ROSALIND
But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?
ROSALIND
But are you really as in love as your poems say you are?
ORLANDO
Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.
ORLANDO
Neither rhyme nor reason can express how in love I am.
ROSALIND
Love is merely a madness and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do, and the reason why they are not so punished and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love,too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
ROSALIND
Love is merely insanity, I tell you. And lovers deserve the madhouse just like insane people do. The only reason they don't get the punishment and cure of the madhouse is that this form of insanity is so common that all the doctors have it too. But I claim that it can be cured with counseling.
ORLANDO
Did you ever cure any so?
ORLANDO
Have you ever cured anyone in this way?
ROSALIND
Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me hislove, his mistress, and I set him every day to woo me; at which time would I, being but a moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles; for every passion something, and for no passion truly anything, as boys and women are, for the most part, cattle of this color; would now like him, now loathe him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep for him, then spit at him, that I drave mysuitor from his mad humor of love to a living humor of madness, which was to forswear the full stream of the world and to live in a nook merely monastic. And thus I cured him, and this way will I take upon me to wash yourliver as clean as a sound sheep’s heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in ’t.
ROSALIND
Yes, one, and here's how I did it: I had him imagine me as the woman he loved, and I made him woo me every day. When he did I—being but a fickle youth—would mope; act effeminate; shift my moods; long for him; like him; act proud and distant; be irrational; be foolishly mocking; shallow; inconstant; full of tears; full of smiles; be passionate about everything, and then passionate about nothing—as most young boys and women naturally act. I would like him one minute and hate him the next; accompany him and then send him away; cry for him and then spit at him, until finally I drove out the whim of love and replaced it with the truer state of anger. My suitor then turned away from the flow of life, abandoning the world and hiding himself away as a monk. And so I cured him, and in this way I will cure you too—washing your liver as clean as a healthy sheep's heart, until there isn't a single spot of love left in it.
ORLANDO
I would not be cured, youth.
ORLANDO
I don't want to be cured, youth.
ROSALIND
I would cure you if you would but call me Rosalind and come every day to my cote and woo me.
ROSALIND
I could cure you, though, if you would only call me "Rosalind" and come to my cottage every day to woo me.
ORLANDO
Now, by the faith of my love, I will. Tell me where it is.
ORLANDO
By the strength of my love, I will then. Tell me where it is.
ROSALIND
Go with me to it, and I’ll show it you; and by the wayyou shall tell me where in the forest you live. Will you go?
ROSALIND
Come with me to it, and I'll show you. Along the way you can tell me where in the forest you live. Will you go with me?
ORLANDO
With all my heart, good youth.
ORLANDO
With all my heart, good youth.
ROSALIND
Nay, you must call me Rosalind.—Come, sister, will you go?
ROSALIND
No, you must call me Rosalind now.
[To CELIA] Sister, will you come with us?
Exeunt
