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Act 3, Scene 5
As You Like It Translation Act 4, Scene 1
Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES
JAQUES
I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with thee.
JAQUES
Please, clever youth, let me get to know you better.
ROSALIND
They say you are a melancholy fellow.
ROSALIND
They say you are a melancholy fellow
JAQUES
I am so. I do love it better than laughing.
JAQUES
I am indeed. I like it better than laughing
ROSALIND
Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.
ROSALIND
Those who go to extremes of melancholy or laughter are abominable, and open themselves up to common criticism in an even worse way than drunkards do.
JAQUES
Why, ’tis good to be sad and say nothing.
JAQUES
Well, it's good to be sad and say nothing.
ROSALIND
Why then, ’tis good to be a post.
ROSALIND
Well then, it's good to be a post.
JAQUES
I have neither the scholar’s melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician’s, which is fantastical; northe courtier’s, which is proud; nor the soldier’s, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer’s, which is politic; nor the lady’s, which is nice; nor the lover’s, which isall these, but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.
JAQUES
My melancholy is not like the scholar's, which is envy; nor the musician's, which is absurdly elaborate; nor the courtier's, which is proud; nor the soldier's, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is sneaky; nor the lady's, which is petty; nor the lover's, which combines all these qualities. Mine is a melancholy of my own, a compound of many ingredients, extracted from many objects. When I contemplate my travels, my thoughts wrap me up in a moody sadness.
ROSALIND
A traveler. By my faith, you have great reason to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men’s. Then to have seen much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.
ROSALIND
So you are a traveler. Well then, you truly have good reason to be sad. I'm afraid you have sold your own lands to see the lands of others. To have seen much but have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.
JAQUES
Yes, I have gained my experience.
JAQUES
I have something—I have gained my experience.
ROSALIND
And your experience makes you sad. I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad—andto travel for it, too.
ROSALIND
And your experience makes you sad. I would rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad—and you've had to travel to get that sadness, too.
Enter ORLANDO
ORLANDO
Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind.
ORLANDO
Good day and happiness to you, dear Rosalind.
JAQUES
Nay then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.
JAQUES
Now then, goodbye to you if you're going to speak in blank verse.
ROSALIND
Farewell, Monsieur Traveler. Look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.
ROSALIND
Goodbye, Mister Traveler. Be sure to keep up your foreign accent and wear strange clothes, downplay everything good about your own country, fall out of love with your birthplace, and almost scold God for giving you the appearance that you have. Otherwise I'll hardly believe you've been to Venice and ridden in a gondola.
Exit JAQUES
[as Ganymede pretending to be ROSALIND] Why, how now, Orlando, where have you been all this while? You a lover? An you serve me such another trick, never come inmy sight more.
Well, what's going on, Orlando? Where have you been all this time? You consider yourself a lover? If you pull another trick like that on me, never appear in my sight again.
ORLANDO
My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.
ORLANDO
My beautiful Rosalind, I've arrived within an hour of when I promised I would.
ROSALIND
Break an hour’s promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of thethousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.
ROSALIND
You would break a promise made in love by a whole hour? You could say that Cupid had nudged a man who would be even a thousandth part of a minute late to meet his beloved—but his heart would still be in one piece. He would have some affection, but I'd bet he wouldn't be in love.
ORLANDO
Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
ORLANDO
Forgive me, dear Rosalind.
ROSALIND
Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had as lief be wooed of a snail.
ROSALIND
No, if you're so late again, don't bother coming. I would rather be wooed by a snail.
ORLANDO
Of a snail?
ORLANDO
By a snail?
ROSALIND
Ay, of a snail, for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head—a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman. Besides, he brings his destiny with him.
ROSALIND
Yes, a snail, for even though he comes slowly, he carries his whole house on his head—a better marriage settlement than you can offer a woman, I think. Besides, he brings his destiny along with him.
ORLANDO
What’s that?
ORLANDO
What destiny is that?
ROSALIND
Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for. But he comes armed in his fortune andprevents the slander of his wife.
ROSALIND
Why, his cuckold's horns—the kind you men are always blaming your wives for. The snail comes already armed with horns, so he preempts any slander about his wife's faithfulness.
ORLANDO
Virtue is no hornmaker, and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ORLANDO
A virtuous woman won't give a man horns, and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ROSALIND
And I am your Rosalind.
ROSALIND
And I am your Rosalind.
CELIA
[as Aliena] It pleases him to call you so, but he hath aRosalind of a better leer than you.
CELIA
It pleases him to call you that, but he has another Rosalind somewhere with a prettier face than yours.
ROSALIND
Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very, very Rosalind?
ROSALIND
Come on, woo me, woo me, for I'm in a good mood now, and likely enough to consent to what you want. What would you say to me now, if I really were your very precious Rosalind?
ORLANDO
I would kiss before I spoke.
ORLANDO
I would kiss before I spoke.
ROSALIND
Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were graveled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking—God warn us—matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.
ROSALIND
No, you would do better to speak first, and then kiss only when you ran out of things to discuss. When very good orators are out of things to say, they spit; and for lovers lacking words—God help us when that happens—the cleverest strategy is to kiss.
ORLANDO
How if the kiss be denied?
ORLANDO
But what if my kiss is denied?
ROSALIND
Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.
ROSALIND
Then she's making you beg, and that gives you a new subject to discuss.
ORLANDO
Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?
ORLANDO
Who could be out of things to say, if he's with his beloved mistress?
ROSALIND
Marry, that should you if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.
ROSALIND
Well, you would be if I were your mistress, or else I would think my chastity was less pure than my wit.
ORLANDO
What, of my suit?
ORLANDO
What, would I have to give up my suit?
ROSALIND
Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?
ROSALIND
Not out of your clothes, but out of your suit. But aren't I your Rosalind?
ORLANDO
I take some joy to say you are because I would be talking of her.
ORLANDO
It makes me happy to pretend that you are, because then it's like I'm talking to her.
ROSALIND
Well, in her person I say I will not have you.
ROSALIND
Well, as Rosalind, I say I don't want you.
ORLANDO
Then, in mine own person I die.
ORLANDO
Then, as myself, I will die.
ROSALIND
No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicet, in a lovecause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecianclub, yet he did what he could to die before, and he isone of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year though Hero had turned nun if it had not been for a hot midsummer night, for, good youth,he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and, being taken with the cramp, was drowned; and the foolishchroniclers of that age found it was Hero of Sestos. But these are all lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
ROSALIND
No, you won't really die as yourself, but only by proxy. This poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there hasn't been even a single man who died only from love. Troilus wanted to die for love, but he actually died because a Greek with a club beat his brains out. And yet now he's one of the great examples of tragic love. Leander would have lived for many more years—even if his beloved Hero had left him and become a nun—if it hadn't been for one hot summer night, when the poor youth went to wash himself in the Hellespont, got a cramp, and drowned. But the foolish poets of that age said he died from love of Hero, not from drowning. All such stories are lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but none have died because of love.
ORLANDO
I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest her frown might kill me.
ORLANDO
I hope the real Rosalind doesn't think this way, for her frown alone might kill me.
ROSALIND
By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come; now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will, I will grant it.
ROSALIND
I swear, her frown couldn't kill a fly. But come on. Now I'll play your Rosalind in a more yielding mood, and whatever you ask of me, I'll give.
ORLANDO
Then love me, Rosalind.
ORLANDO
Then love me, Rosalind.
ROSALIND
Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.
ROSALIND
Very well, I will, on Fridays and Saturdays, and all the rest.
ORLANDO
And wilt thou have me?
ORLANDO
And will you have me?
ROSALIND
Ay, and twenty such.
ROSALIND
Yes, and twenty more like you.
ORLANDO
What sayest thou?
ORLANDO
What do you mean?
ROSALIND
Are you not good?
ROSALIND
Aren't you a good man?
ORLANDO
I hope so.
ORLANDO
I hope so.
ROSALIND
Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?— Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.—Giveme your hand, Orlando.—What do you say, sister?
ROSALIND
Why then, can you ever have too much of a good thing?
[To CELIA] Come, sister, you will be the priest and marry us.
[To ORLANDO] Give me your hand, Orlando.
[To CELIA] What do you say, sister?
ORLANDO
Pray thee, marry us.
ORLANDO
Please, marry us.
CELIA
I cannot say the words.
CELIA
I'm not a priest—I cannot say the words.
ROSALIND
You must begin “Will you, Orlando—”
ROSALIND
You should begin "Do you, Orlando—"
CELIA
Go to.—Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?
CELIA
Oh, fine.
[To ORLANDO] Do you, Orlando, take Rosalind as your wife?
ORLANDO
I will.
ORLANDO
I do.
ROSALIND
Ay, but when?
ROSALIND
All right, but when?
ORLANDO
Why, now, as fast as she can marry us.
ORLANDO
Why, now, as fast as she can get us married.
ROSALIND
Then you must say “I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.”
ROSALIND
Then you must say, "I take you, Rosalind, as my wife."
ORLANDO
I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.
ORLANDO
I take you, Rosalind, as my wife.
ROSALIND
I might ask you for your commission, but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband. There’s a girl goes before the priest, and certainly a woman’s thought runs before her actions.
ROSALIND
I might ask you by what authority, but I'll go ahead and take you, Orlando, as my husband. Now I've anticipated the priest and answered the question before I was even asked. A woman's thoughts run ahead of her actions.
ORLANDO
So do all thoughts. They are winged.
ORLANDO
So do all thoughts. They have wings.
ROSALIND
Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.
ROSALIND
Now tell me how long you intend to keep Rosalind now that you have her.
ORLANDO
Forever and a day.
ORLANDO
Forever and a day.
ROSALIND
Say “a day” without the “ever.” No, no, Orlando, men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock- pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than aparrot against rain, more newfangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry. I will laugh like a hyena, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.
ROSALIND
I think it will be more like "a day" without the "forever." No, Orlando, men are like April when they're wooing—warm and pleasant—but like December—cold and harsh—once they've married. In the same way, women are like springtime when they're single, but the climate changes when they become wives. As a wife I'll be more jealous of you than a wild rooster is of his hen, noisier than a parrot scolding the rain, shallower than an ape, and more fickle in my desires than a monkey. I'll weep over nothing—like a statue of Diana in a fountain—and I'll cry even harder when you're in a good mood. And when you're trying to go to sleep, I'll laugh like a hyena.
ORLANDO
But will my Rosalind do so?
ORLANDO
But will my Rosalind do all this too?
ROSALIND
By my life, she will do as I do.
ROSALIND
I swear on my life, she'll act just like me.
ORLANDO
Oh, but she is wise.
ORLANDO
Oh, but she is wise.
ROSALIND
Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s wit,and it will out at the casement. Shut that, and ’twill out at the keyhole. Stop that, ’twill fly with the smokeout at the chimney.
ROSALIND
If she wasn't wise, she wouldn't have the wits to act so badly. The wiser the woman, the more wayward she is. Lock the doors on a woman's wit, and it will fly out the window. Shut the windows, and it will escape through the keyhole. Stop up the keyhole, and it will fly out the chimney with the smoke.
ORLANDO
A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say “Wit, whither wilt?”
ORLANDO
If a man had a wife like that, he might ask, "Where are you off to, wit?"
ROSALIND
Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.
ROSALIND
No, you had better save that question until you find your wife's wit in your neighbor's bed.
ORLANDO
And what wit could wit have to excuse that?
ORLANDO
And what witty woman could have the wit to excuse that?
ROSALIND
Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. Oh, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.
ROSALIND
Well, she could say she was at the neighbor's looking for you. You'll never find her without an answer unless you find her without a tongue. Oh, if a woman can't find a way to blame her husband for her own faults, then she's not very smart—never let her have a child, for she will raise it to be a fool.
ORLANDO
For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.
ORLANDO
Rosalind, I have to leave you for two hours now.
ROSALIND
Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.
ROSALIND
Alas, dear love, I can't live without you for two hours.
ORLANDO
I must attend the duke at dinner. By two o'clock I willbe with thee again.
ORLANDO
I must attend to the duke at his lunch. By two o'clock I'll be back with you again.
ROSALIND
Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would prove. My friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That flattering tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and so, come, death. Two o'clock is your hour?
ROSALIND
Yes, go on, go on. I knew you would end up like this. My friends warned me, and I knew it, too. But I was won over by that flattering tongue of yours. I'm just one more seduced and abandoned woman, so come, take me, death! You'll return at two o'clock?
ORLANDO
Ay, sweet Rosalind.
ORLANDO
Yes, sweet Rosalind.
ROSALIND
By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen outof the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.
ROSALIND
I swear honestly, truly, by God, and by all the flowery oaths that aren't actually dangerous, that if you break even the tiniest part of your promise or come even a minute after two o'clock, I will think you the most pitiful promise-breaker, the falsest lover, and the most unworthy match for Rosalind out of every man on earth. So beware of my disapproval, and keep your promise.
ORLANDO
With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my Rosalind.So, adieu.
ORLANDO
I'll keep my word just as faithfully as if you really were my Rosalind. So, goodbye.
ROSALIND
Well, time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try. Adieu.
ROSALIND
Well, time is the old judge who examines men like you, so only time will tell what kind of man you are. Goodbye.
Exit ORLANDO
CELIA
You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate. We must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest.
CELIA
You have totally slandered our sex in this love-talk of yours. We should pull off your man's jacket and breeches and show the world the bird who has attacked her own nest—the woman who maligns her fellow women.
ROSALIND
O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didstknow how many fathom deep I am in love. But it cannot be sounded; my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.
ROSALIND
Oh, cousin, cousin, cousin, my pretty little cousin, if only you could know how deeply I am in love. The depths of my love can't be plumbed; my affection has a bottom of unknown depth, like the Bay of Portugal.
CELIA
Or rather bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.
CELIA
Or rather it's bottomless, so that as quickly as you pour affection in one end, it runs out the other.
ROSALIND
No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot ofthought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, thatblind rascally boy that abuses everyone’s eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I’ll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight ofOrlando. I’ll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.
ROSALIND
No. Cupid—that wicked bastard son of Venus, conceived from imagination and impulse and born of insanity; that blind naughty boy who makes everyone else go blind just because he can't see—let him judge how deeply I am in love. I tell you, Aliena, I can't live without Orlando. I'll go find some shade and sigh until he comes back.
CELIA
And I’ll sleep.
CELIA
And I'll sleep.
Exeunt
