The Chaplain Quotes in Mother Courage and Her Children
MOTHER COURAGE. My eldest. It’s two years since I saw him. He must be high in favor—the Commander inviting him to dinner! And what do you have to eat? Nothing. The Commander’s guest wants meat! Take my advice: buy the capon. The price is one hundred hellers.
(The COMMANDER has sat down with EILIF and the CHAPLAIN.)
COMMANDER. (roaring) Dinner, you pig! Or I’ll have your head!
COOK. This is blackmail. Give me the damn thing!
EILIF. I laughed. And so we got to talking. I came right down to business and said: “Twenty guilders an ox is too much, I bid fifteen.” Like I wanted to buy. That foxed ’em. So while they were scratching their heads. I reached for my good sword and cut ’em to ribbons. Necessity knows no law, huh?
COMMANDER. What do you say, keeper of souls?
CHAPLAIN. Strictly speaking, that saying is not in the Bible. Our Lord made five hundred loaves out of five so that no necessity should arise. So when he told men to love their neighbors, their bellies were full. Things have changed since his day.
COMMANDER. (laughing) Things have changed!
CHAPLAIN. My dear Cook, you talk as if dying for one’s beliefs were a misfortune—it is the highest privilege! This is not just any war, remember, it is a religious war, and therefore pleasing unto God.
COOK. I see that. In one sense it’s a war because of all the cheating, plunder, rape, and so forth, but it’s different from all other wars because it’s a religious war and therefore pleasing unto God. At that it does make you thirsty.
MOTHER COURAGE. I must get you two something to drink, or you’ll be making improper advances out of sheer boredom.
CHAPLAIN. That is indeed a temptation—said the Court Chaplain as he gave way to it. And who is this captivating young person?
COOK. And King Gustavus liberated Poland from the Germans. Who could deny it? Then his appetite grew with eating, and he liberated Germany from the Germans. Made quite a profit on the deal, I’m told.
CHAPLAIN. That is a calumny! The Swedish king puts religion first!
MOTHER COURAGE. What’s more, you eat his bread.
COOK. I don’t eat his bread: I bake his bread.
MOTHER COURAGE. He’ll never be conquered, that man, and you know why? We all back him up—the little fellows like you and me. Oh yes, to hear the big fellows talk, they ‘re fighting for their beliefs and so on, but if you look into it, you find they’re not that silly: they do want to make a profit on the deal. So you and I back them up!
IN WAR MORE CHRISTIAN SOULS THAN EVER
REACH THEIR ETERNAL RESTING PLACE.
[…]
AND WHAT IS WAR? THIS IS MY THESIS:
IT’S WHAT THE WORLD IS FOUNDED ON.
War is like love: it’ll always find a way. Why should it end?
She’s finished. How would she ever get a husband now? And she’s crazy for children. Even her dumbness comes from the war. A soldier stuck something in her mouth when she was little. I’ll never see Swiss Cheese again, and where my Eilif is the Good Lord knows. Curse the war!
CHAPLAIN. Your intentions are only too transparent! (to MOTHER COURAGE:) But when I see you take peace between finger and thumb like a snotty old handkerchief, the humanity in me rebels! You want war, do you? Well, don’t you forget the proverb: who sups with the devil must use a long spoon!
MOTHER COURAGE. Remember what one fox said to another that was caught in a trap? “If you stay there, you’re just asking for trouble.” I’m not in love with war, Mr. Army Chaplain, and when it comes to calling people hyenas, you and I part company!
CHAPLAIN. Then why all this grumbling about the peace? Is it just for the junk in your wagon?
MOTHER COURAGE. My goods are not junk. I live off them.
CHAPLAIN. You live off war. Exactly!
CHAPLAIN. What has he done?
SOLDIER. He broke in on a peasant. The wife is dead.
CHAPLAIN. Eilif, how could you?
EILIF. It’s no different. It’s what I did before.
COOK. That was in wartime.
EILIF. Shut your mouth. Can I sit down till she comes?
SOLDIER. No.
CHAPLAIN. It’s true. In wartime they honored him for it. He sat at the Commander’s right hand. It was bravery.
The Chaplain Quotes in Mother Courage and Her Children
MOTHER COURAGE. My eldest. It’s two years since I saw him. He must be high in favor—the Commander inviting him to dinner! And what do you have to eat? Nothing. The Commander’s guest wants meat! Take my advice: buy the capon. The price is one hundred hellers.
(The COMMANDER has sat down with EILIF and the CHAPLAIN.)
COMMANDER. (roaring) Dinner, you pig! Or I’ll have your head!
COOK. This is blackmail. Give me the damn thing!
EILIF. I laughed. And so we got to talking. I came right down to business and said: “Twenty guilders an ox is too much, I bid fifteen.” Like I wanted to buy. That foxed ’em. So while they were scratching their heads. I reached for my good sword and cut ’em to ribbons. Necessity knows no law, huh?
COMMANDER. What do you say, keeper of souls?
CHAPLAIN. Strictly speaking, that saying is not in the Bible. Our Lord made five hundred loaves out of five so that no necessity should arise. So when he told men to love their neighbors, their bellies were full. Things have changed since his day.
COMMANDER. (laughing) Things have changed!
CHAPLAIN. My dear Cook, you talk as if dying for one’s beliefs were a misfortune—it is the highest privilege! This is not just any war, remember, it is a religious war, and therefore pleasing unto God.
COOK. I see that. In one sense it’s a war because of all the cheating, plunder, rape, and so forth, but it’s different from all other wars because it’s a religious war and therefore pleasing unto God. At that it does make you thirsty.
MOTHER COURAGE. I must get you two something to drink, or you’ll be making improper advances out of sheer boredom.
CHAPLAIN. That is indeed a temptation—said the Court Chaplain as he gave way to it. And who is this captivating young person?
COOK. And King Gustavus liberated Poland from the Germans. Who could deny it? Then his appetite grew with eating, and he liberated Germany from the Germans. Made quite a profit on the deal, I’m told.
CHAPLAIN. That is a calumny! The Swedish king puts religion first!
MOTHER COURAGE. What’s more, you eat his bread.
COOK. I don’t eat his bread: I bake his bread.
MOTHER COURAGE. He’ll never be conquered, that man, and you know why? We all back him up—the little fellows like you and me. Oh yes, to hear the big fellows talk, they ‘re fighting for their beliefs and so on, but if you look into it, you find they’re not that silly: they do want to make a profit on the deal. So you and I back them up!
IN WAR MORE CHRISTIAN SOULS THAN EVER
REACH THEIR ETERNAL RESTING PLACE.
[…]
AND WHAT IS WAR? THIS IS MY THESIS:
IT’S WHAT THE WORLD IS FOUNDED ON.
War is like love: it’ll always find a way. Why should it end?
She’s finished. How would she ever get a husband now? And she’s crazy for children. Even her dumbness comes from the war. A soldier stuck something in her mouth when she was little. I’ll never see Swiss Cheese again, and where my Eilif is the Good Lord knows. Curse the war!
CHAPLAIN. Your intentions are only too transparent! (to MOTHER COURAGE:) But when I see you take peace between finger and thumb like a snotty old handkerchief, the humanity in me rebels! You want war, do you? Well, don’t you forget the proverb: who sups with the devil must use a long spoon!
MOTHER COURAGE. Remember what one fox said to another that was caught in a trap? “If you stay there, you’re just asking for trouble.” I’m not in love with war, Mr. Army Chaplain, and when it comes to calling people hyenas, you and I part company!
CHAPLAIN. Then why all this grumbling about the peace? Is it just for the junk in your wagon?
MOTHER COURAGE. My goods are not junk. I live off them.
CHAPLAIN. You live off war. Exactly!
CHAPLAIN. What has he done?
SOLDIER. He broke in on a peasant. The wife is dead.
CHAPLAIN. Eilif, how could you?
EILIF. It’s no different. It’s what I did before.
COOK. That was in wartime.
EILIF. Shut your mouth. Can I sit down till she comes?
SOLDIER. No.
CHAPLAIN. It’s true. In wartime they honored him for it. He sat at the Commander’s right hand. It was bravery.