Blended Families Theme Analysis

Tell Me Three Things introduces readers to 16-year-old Jessie, whose mom died tragically of cancer about two years ago. In the month before the novel begins, Jessie was surprised to learn that her Dad met someone and secretly got married in Hawaii—so within the space of a few months, she and Dad moved from Chicago to Los Angeles to move in with her new stepmom, Rachel, and her stepbrother, Theo, who’s Jessie’s age. This is an understandably difficult transition for everyone as they all navigate the unfamiliar territory of step-parenthood and running a new kind of household amid grief for their former lives. Theo observes at one point that their parents seemingly “thought they could just insert replacement here and forget that someone they loved actually died,” and the novel goes to great lengths to show that he’s right—and to show that this isn’t a healthy or successful way to combine families. Instead, it makes the case that as families combine via remarriage, especially after a death, it’s a constant process to navigate what that new family should look like. And while it won’t necessarily be the same as a parent’s first marriage, it’s still important to not forget those people, like Jessie’s mom and Theo’s dad, who are missing—they, too, are part of the picture, even if they’re not physically there.

In addition to Jessie’s culture shock of moving from the Midwest to a wealthy Los Angeles suburb, life as a newly blended family is a shock for everyone. Jessie often shares with the reader how life proceeded when her mom was still alive—for instance, she and her parents had dinner together nightly, and though their house was small, the walls were covered in family photos. Now, nothing about living with Rachel and Theo at all resembles the way Jessie grew up. Though both Rachel and Dad, on some level, seem just as aware of this as their children, they nevertheless act as though everything is normal and like everyone should be perfectly fine with this arrangement. In practice, this means that Jessie feels alone at a time when she desperately needs support from someone like her dad, whom she trusts and loves. She also craves stability, something that seems tenuous every time Theo says something nasty to her or Dad and Rachel fight loudly enough for the kids to hear. Home and family life, in other words, seems increasingly unsafe or unreliable—nothing is the same, and the adults in charge won’t admit that this is the case or reassure their children. With this, the novel suggests that the inability to trust what’s going to happen in one’s family as it changes only sows fear and resentment—it’s a terrible way to create a loving, supportive family.

Because of the size of the house and the fact that Dad and Rachel mostly leave their kids to their own devices, Theo and Jessie are largely on their own to navigate their new stepsibling relationship. Though it starts out rocky—Theo often says mean, snarky things, and he ignores Jessie when he’s not being mean—gradually, the two begin to reach out to each other and regard the other with curiosity rather than animosity. In particular, what’s most helpful to Theo and Jessie’s budding relationship is that they develop shared routines. Though they continue to drive to school separately, Theo begins offering Jessie boxed juices in the morning when he grabs one for himself. Eventually, Jessie comes to count on and enjoy Theo’s daily peace offering. This one routine leads to them sharing other things—including a bottle of wine and things about their deceased parents—that help them feel more secure with the fact that while they may not be able to count on their parents, they can count on each other. Jessie eventually discovers that a good first step in lieu of developing shared routines with Rachel—whom she refers to alternately as “the stepmonster” and as “Dad’s new wife”—is to regard her with curiosity and respect as a complex human being, just like she did with Theo. As Rachel gradually begins to seem more human and vulnerable, she appears less and less like a dangerous interloper in Jessie’s life—and even like someone that Jessie might be able to like and someday trust.

In addition to the necessity of stability, trust, and routines, the novel also makes a point to show that especially when it comes to blended families that come together after the deaths of one or more parents, it’s important to not erase the deceased person from family life. Jessie comes to understand that much of Theo’s angst comes from the fact that Rachel seemingly forgot her first husband, just like Dad sometimes seems to have forgotten Mom. The novel suggests that being seemingly asked to forget one’s parent and accept a sub-par replacement is traumatizing—and this, more than anything, is where Dad and Rachel went wrong. Jessie eventually suggests to Rachel that she put up some childhood photos of Theo, and possibly some of her first husband. This would make it clear that while Theo doesn’t have his father anymore and has Dad around instead, this doesn’t mean that Theo’s dad has been forgotten. With this, Tell Me Three Things suggests that when families come together after a loss, they’re not just comprised of whatever parents and children are still alive. Rather, they include every family member who is no longer alive as well—and it’s essential not to forget them if those still living are to remain happy and healthy.