In this passage, it becomes clear just how deeply Lila is affected by Lenù’s successes in academics. All Lila ever wanted for herself was an education, and to have to watch Lenù shine as she comes into her own as a thinker and writer pains Lila. As a result, Lila no longer wants to study, learn, or even bear witness to Lenù’s work—though she characteristically trivializes her own pain with laughter.