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Chapter 12
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Dibs in Search of Self, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Therapy, Empathy, and Non-Judgment
Parental Expectations vs. Self-Determination
Trust and Security
Intelligence vs. Emotional and Social Skills
Summary
Analysis
Dibs arrives for his ninth session the following week in a very happy mood. He explains to Axline that his mother may be late because she’s running an errand. Dibs then walks over to the easel and starts to sing about the paints. He stirs the turquoise paint with a brush and rinses the brush in the sink. When the brush slips down into the pipe, he isn’t able to retrieve it and laughs. He then gets the nursing bottle and chews on the top. As he does this, he dumps a set of plastic dishes in the sink and washes them, jumping up and down with laughter. He explains that his grandmother sent him some dishes like these. His grandmother is coming home soon and he loves her very much.
Dibs’s interaction with his surroundings illustrates how this safe, non-judgmental environment has given him freedom and ease over time. Whereas before, Dibs would barely have spoken and likely would have been very upset about a brush being stuck in the drain, now he is far less worried about things he cannot control, and he seems completely secure that he won’t be punished for accidents. He is also allowed to act like an infant (sucking on the nursing bottle) even as he is showing a more mature sense of responsibility (in washing brushes or cleaning up dishes).
Themes
After washing the dishes, Dibs decides to have a tea party for himself and six other children. He sets out the seven cups and fills a pitcher with water, pouring some into each cup. Then his tone of voice changes, imitating his mother. He says if they’re going to have tea, they have to do it properly. Dibs instructs himself on how much tea and milk to pour in. He also chides himself, saying, “If you want to have a tea party you will sit down quietly at this table and you will wait until everyone is served.” Dibs pours the tea precisely, even pouring some out when he thinks there is too much in one cup. Dibs says that children shouldn’t have too much sugar and that if there’s any more fussing he will “lock [them]—in [their] room.”
The tea party is a clear indication of how much Dibs’s parents’ expectations—particularly his mother’s, in this instance—have affected him. Rather than simply being able to enjoy a make-believe tea party, he parrots her bizarrely strict rules and indicates that he’s afraid of punishment, like the threat of being locked in his room. He is not just imitating his mother—the language is almost certainly hers, rather than his—but he is also taking her words as the rule of law and constantly trying to adhere to them, rather than determining his own way to have a tea party.
Themes
Dibs sits at the table, and when he reaches for toast, he spills water out of one of the cups. He becomes frightened and quickly empties the cups. When Axline assures him that it was an accident, Dibs says, “Stupid people make accidents!” Then he starts to cry and says the party is over. Axline comments that spilling the tea made him frightened and unhappy and she asks if the boy who upset the tea got sent to his room. Dibs says yes, that it was stupid of him to be so clumsy. Dibs then cries out that he didn’t want a party or any other children around.
Again, Dibs parrots words that likely come from his parents. It shows how their expectations (and their harsh judgments of him when he fails to meet those expectations) give him great anxiety and even deprive him of joy. He has become so used to being punished and withdrawing from others that here he even states that he didn’t want a party or to be with other children in the first place. In this way, his fear of mistakes actually spurs his isolation.
Themes
Still upset about the spilled tea, Dibs asks to go to Axline’s office and says that he’s not stupid. Axline affirms that Dibs is not stupid. In the office, Dibs apologizes for being careless. Axline says he was careless, perhaps, but not stupid, and Dibs agrees. Axline observes that Dibs weathered this emotional storm: he discovered a strength in himself to cope with his hurt feelings. He then writes a letter to himself, saying that he washed the tea set and had a party with children. He signs off, “With love. Me.”
Axline’s empathy and non-judgment once again help Dibs to work through his feelings. In affirming that he is not stupid but recognizing his distress at being careless, Dibs is able to separate these two sentiments and work through them. His and Axline’s mutual trust enables Dibs to feel better about himself and foster the security that Axline hopes he can carry with him outside the playroom.
Themes
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After writing the letter, Dibs looks at Axline’s calendar, circling his birthday and his family’s birthdays. Dibs then starts to erase the circle he drew around his father’s birthday, but when Axline asks him why he’s doing this, he stops. Dibs says that the circle will have to stay because it is his father’s birthday, whether Dibs wants it to be that way or not.
This is another example of Dibs separating his feelings from his actions. He is finding more security in his feelings, as he knows that he’s not happy about his father’s birthday. But he still accepts the parameters of the world—that it will be his father’s birthday regardless of how he feels about it. Dibs is accepting the fact that he cannot control everything about his world.
Themes
Dibs then looks at Axline’s card file, searching for his name. When he doesn’t find it, he writes a card with his name, address, and phone number, and he files it correctly. He also writes a card for Axline. When the church bells chime, he observes that all the people are going home from work. He asks where his mother is, and Axline says she hasn’t come yet—someone will ring the buzzer when she is there. Dibs replies that sometimes people don’t do what they say, and Axline points out when that happens, he feels disappointed. Dibs agrees.
Dibs’s sentiments here reinforce children’s need for security in their environments. As Axline pointed out in an earlier chapter, children feel most secure when given clear and consistent parameters. This is a good example: when those promises are broken, Dibs gets upset. Once again, Axline expresses empathy for his experiences, making Dibs feel more understood and allowing him to open up about his feelings.
Themes
Dibs then turns to the current day on Axline’s calendar and puts an X on it, saying it is his most important day. The buzzer rings shortly after, and Dibs comments, “like you said.” Dibs says goodbye, touches Axline’s hand shyly, and then walks out into the waiting room, where Axline notes that Dibs’s mother seems more relaxed. Dibs’s mother tells Dibs to say goodbye to Axline, and he flatly says goodbye. But when Axline points out that Dibs said goodbye to her in her office, Dibs brightens and says goodbye again.
Dibs’s comment of “like you said,” coupled with this unusual and tender physical contact, illustrates how aware he is of the promises that the adults in his life make, and how important it is to him to be able to trust those promises. Additionally, Dibs’s reaction to his mother telling him to say goodbye to Axline is important. It shows that his mother doesn’t have faith in Dibs to do what she expects, when in reality Dibs is a very capable and responsible child and had already done what she wanted him to do. When Axline explains that he already said goodbye, Dibs is pleased because Axline is confirming his capabilities.
Themes
