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Chapter 16
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Dibs in Search of Self, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Therapy, Empathy, and Non-Judgment
Parental Expectations vs. Self-Determination
Trust and Security
Intelligence vs. Emotional and Social Skills
Summary
Analysis
The next day, Dibs’s mother calls Axline for an appointment, and Axline meets with her later that day. Dibs’s mother looks happy, and she tells Axline how grateful they are for her work. She was touched by Dibs’s affection the previous day, and he seems generally calmer and happier. He doesn’t have temper tantrums or suck his thumb anymore, he looks at them and speaks to them directly, and he even plays with Dorothy sometimes. Dibs’s mother says that Dibs is beginning to feel that he belongs to the family, and she feels that he is one of them as well.
Dibs’s mother’s report emphasizes how the play therapy has been broadly improving his life. These many tangible improvements illustrate the benefits of Axline’s empathy and lack of judgment. Because Axline tries to understand him and doesn’t judge his negative thoughts, he is able to express his negative feelings and move past them, simultaneously maturing and growing more confident even outside of the playroom.
Themes
Dibs’s mother wonders where she went wrong with him. She says that she knew that he wasn’t mentally disabled (even though she told Axline that she thought he was), and she reveals that she was teaching and testing him from a young age; she knows he can read and write. Dibs’s mother read Dibs hundreds of books growing up, never knowing whether he truly understood what she was saying, but she wanted to prove something to herself: that she could teach Dibs and that he could learn.
Dibs’s mother reveals that many of her interactions with her son were motivated by her desire to cultivate his intellect, which helps explain why he’s so emotionally stunted. She also used his progress to determine whether she lived up to her own expectations as a mother and a teacher, which shows how she was using Dibs to evaluate herself and she wasn’t always putting his needs and interests first. Dibs’s behavior illustrates how damaging this was, as he continues to feel pressure to act as his parents want and he worries a lot about not living up to their expectations of his intelligence.
Themes
Dibs’s mother laments that she was always testing Dibs and doubting his capacity, because she recognizes now that this tormented him and built an emotional wall between them. She says that Dibs’s grandmother accepted him the way he was and believed in him, and they have a good relationship as a result. Dibs’s grandmother used to tell his mother that if she relaxed and let Dibs be, he would be okay. Dibs’s mother says she feels very guilty about what she has done to him, acknowledging that she wasn’t able to admit previously that she was a source of his problems.
Dibs’s mother finally acknowledges how much her expectations have affected Dibs and how she promoted his intellectual capacities at the expense of building an emotional foundation between them. By contrast, his grandmother, who held no expectations, was therefore able to build that emotional connection because she did not put the same kind of pressure on him or make him feel judged.
Themes
Axline points out to Dibs’s mother that her relationship with Dibs seems to have changed; now she’s proud of her son. Dibs’s mother nods and shows Axline a picture that Dibs drew, which is very detailed and has amazing perspective for the work of a six-year-old. She explains that the drawing is too good; she worried that he might be schizophrenic. Now, however, she is happy that Dibs is acting more normally. Axline thinks that when a child is forced to prove himself as capable, results can be disastrous. A child needs love, acceptance, and understanding.
Dibs’s mother illustrates how much she prioritized her son’s intellectual ability even when she knew that it likely meant he was struggling with his emotional and social skills. Axline puts this tactic in starkest terms, emphasizing the harm that these kinds of expectations can have on a developing child. Again Axline emphasizes empathy in place of prioritizing ability. It’s also noteworthy that, even in this moment when Dibs’s mother is trying to walk back her impulse to judge Dibs, she now does so in a different way: suggesting that his drawing is so accomplished that it actually might indicate mental problems. Just because a six-year-old made a good drawing does not mean he’s schizophrenic, so this shows that Dibs’s mother has some work to do in accepting Dibs on his own terms.
Themes
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Dibs’s mother explains that if Dibs has superior ability, it shouldn’t be wasted. Axline notes that his accomplishments mean a lot to her, and Dibs’s mother says yes. She recalls teaching Dibs to read at two years old, spelling out words with letter blocks and making him copy her until he could read. Then she would ask him to bring her records with certain words on them, and he would always get the correct record. But, she says, there was never any emotional contact between them.
Dibs’s mother provides further examples of how she tested Dibs, putting her expectations for his development above their emotional connection. Yet even though Axline is internally critical of this approach, she continues to empathize with Dibs’s mother. She makes an effort to understand that Dibs’s mother, too, has internal motivations for her behavior towards Dibs, just as Dibs has internal motivations for his behavior.
Themes
Dibs’s mother says she sent Dorothy away to school so she could focus on Dibs, but she wishes she had let him be a child. Now she sees that she blamed Dibs for the strained relationship between herself and Dibs’s father, and she has come to love Dibs and feel proud of him. She knows that Dibs had to change—he had to be a better person than she was—in order for her feelings and her husband’s feelings to change. Axline observes that because Dibs’s mother felt accepted, she was able to dig into her own feelings and understand her behaviors and motivations. Axline thinks that not only is Dibs finding himself, but so are his parents.
Axline stresses how important it is for her to be empathetic not only towards Dibs, but also toward his parents. Because Dibs’s mother is able to express some of her fears and admit the guilt she has about their relationship, she is able to move on from those feelings. This is crucial because it allows her to recognize her own fault in Dibs’s developmental challenges and she no longer maintains that Dibs is mentally disabled—an attitude that surely hurt his confidence in himself.
Themes
