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Chapter 3
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Dibs in Search of Self, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Therapy, Empathy, and Non-Judgment
Parental Expectations vs. Self-Determination
Trust and Security
Intelligence vs. Emotional and Social Skills
Summary
Analysis
Several weeks later, Axline receives the release form from Dibs’s parents, which grants her permission to hold play therapy sessions with Dibs and record them. Dibs’s parents arrange for him to meet Axline on Thursday afternoons. Axline is relieved that they agreed to let her see him—she had been tempted to call Dibs’s parents, but she refrained for fear that pushing for a decision would only scare them away.
Axline again compares Dibs to his parents. Just as she wants to let Dibs develop at his own pace and determine what he wants to do, she didn’t want to rush his parents and force them to make a decision. She knew that it was best to let them make their own determination—that way, the felt more secure.
Themes
At Dibs’s first session, Axline brings him to the playroom. It is sunny and has the same toys as the playroom that was set up in his school. When Dibs enters, he walks around the room, touching and naming the materials. Again, Axline acknowledges his actions after he finishes his circuit of the room, affirming that he has touched and named most of the objects; she doesn’t want to rush his exploration. Dibs then stands silently in the middle of the room.
Axline continues to establish trust and security with Dibs. She wants him to be able to choose his own activities, and she wants to demonstrate to him that she understands his thoughts and feelings and won’t judge him for whatever he decides to do.
Themes
After a while, Axline asks if Dibs wants to take off his coat and hat. Dibs says, “You take off your hat and coat, Dibs,” but he doesn’t move to do it. Axline encourages him, but he only whimpers. When she asks if he needs help, he agrees. She takes off his hat and coat, and he asks her to take off his boots and mittens, too, and so she takes these off as well. When she hands his hat and coat back to Dibs, he drops them, so Axline hangs them up.
Dibs’s speech pattern reveals another aspect of his lack of social skills and emotional intelligence. He doesn’t have a sense of himself as an “I”—instead he refers to himself in the third person, as though he were not himself. He also doesn’t fully understand his own needs and emotions; instead, he appears to parrot someone else giving him commands. This indicates that Dibs rarely has the freedom to do what he wants to do; instead, he is forced to follow his parents’ expectations.
Themes
After Axline hangs up Dibs’s hat and coat, she repeats that Dibs has an hour in the playroom and that he can do whatever he would like. Dibs walks over to the easel and arranges the paints so that they are in the correct order of the color spectrum. He then reads the label on the jar and spells out each color. After this, he takes out crayons, prints each color’s name, and arranges the crayons in a circle according to their color. Axline observes that he’s making a color wheel, and he says yes.
Dibs’s work with the paints and crayons demonstrates the immediate payoff of Axline allowing Dibs to do whatever he wants. By being patient and giving Dibs self-determination, Axline enables Dibs to be more open about his abilities. He confirms that he can read and that he likely has many capabilities that his teachers and even parents aren’t aware of, like understanding the color wheel or using organizational skills.
Themes
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Axline attempts to only make comments that communicate recognition, rather than trying to pressure Dibs to do or not do anything. Axline wants to show Dibs that she recognizes what he is doing, but she doesn’t want to overreact to his abilities. She understands that he is doing things that are secure and safe for him to do. Axline does realize, however, that whatever Dibs’s problems are, he is not mentally disabled.
Again, Axline wants to communicate that she understands Dibs’s thought processes while not placing expectations on him in the way that his parents or teachers might. She knows that non-judgment and empathy—rather than praising him for his intelligence—will give Dibs greater security and freedom.
Themes
After Dibs finishes his color wheel, he climbs into the sandbox and lines up a set of soldiers. Suddenly, he starts to whimper, pointing to his shoes. Axline tells Dibs that he can take his shoes off if he wants. He says, “You will take your shoes off.” Axline then asks if Dibs wants her to help him take off his shoes. When Dibs nods, Axline helps him with his shoes. After Dibs plays in the sandbox for a bit, he moves to a stack of blocks. When the stack falls over, he asks Axline (whom he calls “Miss A.”) to help him, but when she asks what he wants her to do, he doesn’t respond.
The intelligence Dibs is starting to display contrasts with his lack of social skills. He appears to repeat things that have been told to him, rather than fully recognizing himself as an individual who can articulate his own needs—he has a hard time framing his wants and desires as “I” statements, for instance. Meanwhile, Axline continues to establish their mutual trust. She doesn’t question his need for help; she simply provides support for him in whatever way he needs it.
Themes
Dibs sits in silence for a while. Axline doesn’t really know what Dibs wants, and she thinks that Dibs likely doesn’t either. She wants to communicate that she has confidence in him, that she understands he has good reasons for the things he does, and that she does not have expectations of his behavior. Axline hopes that Dibs will gradually feel more secure in his actions and reactions so that he can understand and accept them.
Axline continues to emphasize her role as a non-judgmental presence in Dibs’s life. This contrasts with other adult figures in his life like his parents, who have distinct expectations for his behavior. Another of Axline’s goals is to help Dibs build trust in his environment and, most importantly, in himself.
Themes
When the hour draws to a close, Axline knows that it would be easy to give Dibs affection and sympathy and extend their time together, but that this would only add more emotional problems to his life. He has to go home, no matter how he feels about it. Axline knows that Dibs needs to develop strength, and this development can only come from within him. Axline helps Dibs dress to leave, takes his hand, and walks back to the reception room with him.
Here Axline recognizes the limitations of therapy. Her goal isn’t to provide so much support for Dibs that she replaces his mother or that he cannot function without seeing her every week. Instead, she recognizes that the most important source of security Dibs can find lies within himself.
Themes
When Dibs sees his mother in the lobby, he kicks and screams about going home. Axline says goodbye to Dibs and his mother, who is embarrassed and aggravated by his behavior. Axline doesn’t want to take sides with either Dibs or his mother, and so she leaves to avoid the situation.
Axline’s desire to remove herself from Dibs’s tantrum reinforces that one of her main priorities is empathy. That she doesn’t want to appear as though she is taking sides proves that she knows Dibs’s mother deserves just as much empathy and understanding for her actions as Dibs does.
Themes
